Concerned for friends children's safety in car seat

[Anonymous]

A good friend of mine has a 3 year old and a 6 month old. She keeps them in their car seats, but the buckles are SOOO loose I am so concerned that if in a crash something terrible would happen. I first noticed this last winter helping her put the older one in the car, and I said something to her. She said with winter coats and variable weather it was easier to put her in and out of the seat that way. I gently said, "It's easy to tighten it each time" and she said nothing. I could literally put both my hands under the seat belt meaning there was at least 3-4 inches of extra space. I tightened it up a bit anyway and shut the door. Next time I helped it was back to loosey goosey. I even went so far as to sent the carseat.org website to her (and other friends) when we were all moving on to larger seats.

So two nights ago same thing, but this time I help put the baby in. Not as loose as the other one but certainly not tight.

Can I say anything more? I'm just surprised she doesn't realize the safety hazard.

[Anonymous]

No, you can't say anything more. You've done all you can do without making it a controversy between you. Of course, if you feel strongly enough you can do that too but just realize that it is confrontational beyond what you've already said. You might take some comfort in knowing though that some studies have shown that car seats don't protect children in a crash the way many people seem to think they do. It may be that a very strong car seat lobby has been influential in creating the laws and the perceptions about car seats and have inflated their value in everyone's mind. If that's the case, the kids might not be in such danger.

[Anonymous]

to PP - I've actually read the opposite - that car seats are the best protection - look at the change in infant/child mortality rates coinciding w/ car seat laws and use. Also check the stats on the kids that are severely injured or killed - most (by a large #) are not in car seats or booster.

to OP - I've been in the same position, esp. w/ friends whose carseats are not secured properly in the car (slip around freely on the seat.) Not sure what to tell you, it's awkward. I have offered to help as in "Oh look your seat has come so loose it isn't safe. Let me help you get it tightened again." If they don't get it - they don't get it but I agree, It's hard to sit by and watch it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:to PP - I've actually read the opposite - that car seats are the best protection - look at the change in infant/child mortality rates coinciding w/ car seat laws and use. Also check the stats on the kids that are severely injured or killed - most (by a large #) are not in car seats or booster.

I think what PP is talking about (and forgive me, PP, if this is wrong) is that everyone and their mother thinks carseats are the be all end all of safety. Yes, they are important, but things such as car choice are extremely important too.

I'd much rather have my child is a crappy car seat in a Ford Explorer than in a Britax in a Prius.

[Anonymous]

I think my point was I'd rather have my kid in a crappy car seat than in no car seat in ANY car. That said, of course safer cars are safer. Disregarding the fact that carseats are proven safer than no carseats through independent testing (injury and death stats) just doesn't make sense to me. Sure individual companies tout their seats as the be all end all but that doesn't say anything about the actual improved safety of using pretty much any carseat.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the friend keeps the straps loose in case she needs to put her children into the car with their coats on (which would require more strap).

Sounds like you've done all you can do.

[Anonymous]

8:46 poster here. This is what I meant.

http://pediatrics.about.com/od/carseats/a/0107_car_seats.htm

http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/01/05/we-are-not-the-only-ones-who-think-child-car-seats-dont-work-well/

[Anonymous]

OP, If I were you, I would forward to her this story from the "snowsuits in the car" post that was here a few months ago. Scared the HELL out of me, personally, and maybe it will "scare her straight" about what she is doing:

http://babyproducts.about.com/od/carseats/a/carseatcoat.htm

'A Real Life Example
In order to become a certified CPS tech, Ellis had to take an extensive car seat safety course and pass both a written exam and hands-on car seat installation exams. "When I took my tech class we were shown a picture of an infant seat with a snowsuit under the harness," she says. "The seat was pulled out of a car that had just been in a crash. The infant was ejected from the seat and the car and was found some feet away from the car, but the snowsuit was left in the seat just as the baby was wearing it."

Ellis says other parents can learn a valuable car seat safety lesson from this real life crash story. "It's a great example of what can happen in a crash if the straps are not tight enough and if a thick blanket or coat is under the harness," she says. "The harness must stay close to the child's body at all times." '

If you think she'll get the point, you could just forward it to a group with her included. If she isn't that subtle, send it to just her.

If she still persists in basically providing no safety for her kids in the car, I don't know what you could do. Call her husband? Child protective services? The cops? I don't think those will be helpful in this circumstance, or even possible.

Good luck. I hope she sees the error in her ways before something bad happens.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for your advice. I think I'll send her, and a few other mom friends, that link you placed. Since it's cold now, it's perfect to talk about winter coats and slack in the car seat, etc.