DS and no interest in organized after school activities

[Anonymous]

Did your child have no interest in organized after school activities around age 8? After school, my DS likes to have playdates (maybe 4 per week), read books, play video games (limited), play outside when it's nice out, play inside. He doesn't want to do any type of organized sport or after school activity. I am concerned that if I sign him up for something, that it will turn him more against trying sports, etc. WWYD? Do boys become interested in after school activities on their own if they weren't interested at this age?

[Anonymous]

Let him be, but keep a careful watch on that screen time.

[Anonymous]

There is incredible over-emphasis on organized sports in this country, especially for boys, so don't freak out if your son is not interested.

My son is only mildly interested in Lego Robotics and the chess club at school. The truth is, he doesn't really like school. What he is really passionate about is playing chess at home, reading at home, having playdates and running around in the garden - like yours!

I did sign him up for gym classes at Dynamite Gym, which help his hypotonia.

[Anonymous]

As long as he has very little screentime I would not worry.

[Anonymous]

What's with the opposition to screen time? We live in a high-tech society. Kids need screen time.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't like organized sports or other organized after-school activities, why make him do organized sports or other organized after-school activities?

[Anonymous]

Mine doesn't want to sign up for activities but often ends up liking them once he's there. So we end up signing him for about one activity a week at any given time. (That said, we're not doing 4 playdates a week--sounds like your son is already pretty busy.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's with the opposition to screen time? We live in a high-tech society. Kids need screen time.

We also live in a violent society. Do kids need violence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine doesn't want to sign up for activities but often ends up liking them once he's there. So we end up signing him for about one activity a week at any given time. (That said, we're not doing 4 playdates a week--sounds like your son is already pretty busy.)

OP, your son sounds like he's doing fine and knows what he likes (for now). I like the PP's attitude quoted above -- no more than one activity a week (and only one session or class a week) can be beneficial -- IF the kid is interested. I note that your mind, OP, went straight to team sports as the chief, maybe the only, option for a boy of eight, but have you ever thought about exposing him to the many non-team-sport options out there? He might like to learn to program a little (if he can create his own simple but original computer game he might love it). He might be artistic, or if he's outgoing with his friends he might find he likes doing kids' drama. He might like Boy Scouts if he's into being outside (and the range of things Scouts do now, from science to outdoors things to arts, is huge).

Kids don't know what they like until they try new things but if parents focus mostly on whether sons should be in sports, that is a turn-off for kids who might end up liking other things -- but who will never know those other things exist.

Find some one-time events/activities so he can get a taste of things and then ASK him if he's interested. Take him to a local fencing or martial arts competition for a short time; he might say it's only OK or he might want to try a brief class (not some year-long commitment -- in all classes seek out the six- or 10-week ones and not the September to June ones, so he can try things but not feel he is in a long slog if he ends up not really being into them!). If he likes doing stuff with his hands, encourage him to go to a model train workshop one Saturday (there are local model train clubs that do things like that - one time, get a taste, no commitment). If he's into playing imaginatively, take him to see some kids' plays, and find him a one-off workshop at a local kids' theatre (yes, there are several professional and amateur kids' theatres in the DC area and they do educational fun things like that) and see if, after that, he wants to do more. Libraries now host a lot of things for kids exactly his age, including book groups and even some very popular, supervised tournaments of various non-computer games kids like to play so they can play with larger groups of kids (Pokemon card gaming is one and there are definitely other non-Pokémon ones; check around with local libraries). And so on.

He does not, truly does not!, have to have any extracurriculars at all if he's doing well in school, is social and happy, stays occupied and engaged and is not overdoing the screen time (you are right to monitor that -- it can take kids over). But you also can consider exposing him to some new things that are not just team sports. Something might catch on with him, might not. But he will at least see and do some new things which is good for kids. Don't fill every single Saturday with workshops or go from six-week class to six-week class all year long, but try some things and give him a say in what you try together.

[Anonymous]

I personally would sign him up for some activity, especially if he's not getting much physical activity in the winter. It doesn't need to be a competitive sport. Kids that age can be hesitant to try things out but can enjoy it once they try it. Once he gets older it will be nearly impossible to get him to try something new. I just signed DD up for basketball. She's tall and muscular and I thought she'd be good at it and have fun if she tried. She wasn't very excited about it but after her first practice LOVED it and is both getting a lot of activity and learning important skills about working as a team. I should add if she hated it, I would probably let her quit after I felt she gave it a reasonable chance.

[Anonymous]

My 8 yo was resistent but he had to do 1 sport, 1 non-sport activity.

He chose (we never said you have to play sport A, we said pick a sport so I can sign you up) and it took a while for him to find what he liked. We are still trying to find what he likes as his non-sport activity (art, music... not so much) so we are doing a volunteer opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's with the opposition to screen time? We live in a high-tech society. Kids need screen time.

We also live in a violent society. Do kids need violence?

Violent crime rates are at multi-decade lows, aren't they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine doesn't want to sign up for activities but often ends up liking them once he's there. So we end up signing him for about one activity a week at any given time. (That said, we're not doing 4 playdates a week--sounds like your son is already pretty busy.)

OP, your son sounds like he's doing fine and knows what he likes (for now). I like the PP's attitude quoted above -- no more than one activity a week (and only one session or class a week) can be beneficial -- IF the kid is interested. I note that your mind, OP, went straight to team sports as the chief, maybe the only, option for a boy of eight, but have you ever thought about exposing him to the many non-team-sport options out there? He might like to learn to program a little (if he can create his own simple but original computer game he might love it). He might be artistic, or if he's outgoing with his friends he might find he likes doing kids' drama. He might like Boy Scouts if he's into being outside (and the range of things Scouts do now, from science to outdoors things to arts, is huge).

Kids don't know what they like until they try new things but if parents focus mostly on whether sons should be in sports, that is a turn-off for kids who might end up liking other things -- but who will never know those other things exist.

Find some one-time events/activities so he can get a taste of things and then ASK him if he's interested. Take him to a local fencing or martial arts competition for a short time; he might say it's only OK or he might want to try a brief class (not some year-long commitment -- in all classes seek out the six- or 10-week ones and not the September to June ones, so he can try things but not feel he is in a long slog if he ends up not really being into them!). If he likes doing stuff with his hands, encourage him to go to a model train workshop one Saturday (there are local model train clubs that do things like that - one time, get a taste, no commitment). If he's into playing imaginatively, take him to see some kids' plays, and find him a one-off workshop at a local kids' theatre (yes, there are several professional and amateur kids' theatres in the DC area and they do educational fun things like that) and see if, after that, he wants to do more. Libraries now host a lot of things for kids exactly his age, including book groups and even some very popular, supervised tournaments of various non-computer games kids like to play so they can play with larger groups of kids (Pokemon card gaming is one and there are definitely other non-Pokémon ones; check around with local libraries). And so on.

He does not, truly does not!, have to have any extracurriculars at all if he's doing well in school, is social and happy, stays occupied and engaged and is not overdoing the screen time (you are right to monitor that -- it can take kids over). But you also can consider exposing him to some new things that are not just team sports. Something might catch on with him, might not. But he will at least see and do some new things which is good for kids. Don't fill every single Saturday with workshops or go from six-week class to six-week class all year long, but try some things and give him a say in what you try together.

thanks for your thoughtful response (and to other PPs, also). (OP here.) I like the idea of one day type of events to try. I'll look into that.

[Anonymous]

Son cried about the thought of piano lessons. He still claims to hate it but practices for 40 minutes a night without complaints. Teacher says he is doing very well. He's a perfectionist so I thought it would be good given his personality. My son would never play sports seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's with the opposition to screen time? We live in a high-tech society. Kids need screen time.

We also live in a violent society. Do kids need violence?

Random retort. Please try to stay on topic, ok?