Does Your DH Care About Your Job?

[Anonymous]

I'm the breadwinner making 3 to 4 times what DH makes. He has his own business and frankly doesn't work that hard. He's not really interested in talking about my job but always wants me to listen to what he's planning for his business. We have 2 kids under 6 and I do most of the caring for them. He's a good father and certainly does some things but I do more. My problem is that he has an attitude that his job is somehow more important and he always has to check his schedule when something comes up with the kids. I think he should be taking on more and certainly should show somewhat of an interest in my job.

[Anonymous]

I think you should be telling your DH this.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't have to care about your job. But you should mirror his attitude. Sometimes people don't realize how their actions affect others until it happens to them.

[Anonymous]

Why did you marry him??

[Anonymous]

Yes, DH cares about my job, and my commute. Basically, he cares about anything I care about. We talk about both our jobs each night over dinner.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in the same situation. Basically, you and I chose poorly. I wish I had a better answer. The question now is, do you stay together or not? IDK.

[Anonymous]

My DH started to care when I got a job with higher earnings potential (compared to both my previous job and his job). Now he is more enthusiastic (not merely willing) to chip in at home so I can work or network. Fair enough.

[Anonymous]

This may not quite be your problem OP but I'll share my experience. DH and I are both lawyers and I probably bring in about 40% of our HHi (plus fully paid health care) so we're almost equal in terms of contribution. I work in-house and have more flexible hours so I do pick up every day.

I think DH mistakes my flexibility for having an "easy" job. He pretty much thinks most of the issues that arise are silly.

At the end of the day, however, if I tell him I am traveling on X day or have a meeting on Y day and I need him to cover, it is not an issue. So really, I do not have anything to complain about. I don't need him to "care" about his job. Really, how much do I care about his?

[Anonymous]

Your husband doesn't sound that bad to me. It sounds like he really likes his job and his work. He could be more appreciative that your high salary allows him to do what he loves. It makes sense for him to talk about it and share his day with you. I'm sure he still cares about your job, but probably forgets to ask.

This is a pretty easy conversation to have with him. Say, "Dear, it would mean a lot to me if you asked about my day when I come home."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may not quite be your problem OP but I'll share my experience. DH and I are both lawyers and I probably bring in about 40% of our HHi (plus fully paid health care) so we're almost equal in terms of contribution. I work in-house and have more flexible hours so I do pick up every day.

I think DH mistakes my flexibility for having an "easy" job. He pretty much thinks most of the issues that arise are silly.

At the end of the day, however, if I tell him I am traveling on X day or have a meeting on Y day and I need him to cover, it is not an issue. So really, I do not have anything to complain about. I don't need him to "care" about his job. Really, how much do I care about his?

Who brings in the remaining 20% of your HHI?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may not quite be your problem OP but I'll share my experience. DH and I are both lawyers and I probably bring in about 40% of our HHi (plus fully paid health care) so we're almost equal in terms of contribution. I work in-house and have more flexible hours so I do pick up every day.

I think DH mistakes my flexibility for having an "easy" job. He pretty much thinks most of the issues that arise are silly.

At the end of the day, however, if I tell him I am traveling on X day or have a meeting on Y day and I need him to cover, it is not an issue. So really, I do not have anything to complain about. I don't need him to "care" about his job. Really, how much do I care about his?

Who brings in the remaining 20% of your HHI?

?? I bring in about 40% and DH brings in 60% but with my healthcare benefits, it's probably pretty close to 50-50.

[Anonymous]

I work in a really, really low-paying field and earn about 1/3 of what DH earns. Yes, this is with me working full-time and being a grown up adult with a college degree. Yes, I know I chose my career poorly.

Anyway, DH would have every right to not take my job seriously, given the circumstances. And in some ways our family reflects this. We live where his employment opportunities are best, for instance. If both of us have a very big day ahead at work and one of the kids is sick, kid duty falls to me by default - since at the end of the day, his job is the one that supports us.

However, despite all of this, DH certainly displays an interest in what I do, talks to me about my day, and doesn't just assume all the domestic stuff is on me. If he's got a light day and I'm in meetings all day, he's going to stay home with the sick kid even though he's the big earner. He has respect for me, he knows my job is hard if not well-compensated.

I don't think either partner really has an excuse for thinking it's all about them.

[Anonymous]

Ok. Reality check. Someone's job takes a back burner when you have kids. Kids get sick, have doctors appointments, and general days off from school/preschool when the rest of the workforce has a normal work day. It only makes sense for the person with the less secure and financially productive job to take the hit most of the time. The higher earner's job is more important to the livelihood of the family.