Husband does not treat me with respect

[Anonymous]

My husband does not treat me with respect or as an equal in our relationship. I'm sick of it and I want things to change. Any advice on how to turn things around?

[Anonymous]

Examples?

[Anonymous]

This was my life (despite extensive marriage counseling) until I contacted a lawyer. Suddenly he 'got' it.

[Anonymous]

Change other aspects of your life to create independent happiness. Ride out the bad times, in case they are temporary. Doubt he will changes dramatically. Thinking about "how" you can be successful changing him is the wrong approach - just keeps you from taking real action. If his behavior is true abuse, leave him.

[Anonymous]

Agree, some examples would help. Also, is this new behavior? Did something recently change i.e did one of your lose a job/stop working, have a child, do something that would cause the other to lose trust, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I would say that he's always been like this but it has gotten worse now that we have kids. As for examples, he talks down to me, makes comments about how I'm not as smart as he is, makes a big to do when I'm right about something (as if it's a rare thing). I really am sick of it and I know I can't change his behavior but I can change my own. Just wondering if there's anything I can do. I want to make it work if possible but I could leave if it comes to that.

[Anonymous]

he may not even realize it. that's my husband. tell him calmly and in the moment. that hurt my feelings please don't speak to me like that, it makes me feel blah, blah.

if I said that to you DH, you would have a fit. do not engage or fight, be calm and just assert how you demand to be treated. "I won't let you treat me like that", I wouldn't say that to you etc.

some men will not admit it in the moment (mine won't b/c he doesn't like to be wrong or may actually feel bad), but they won't do it next time. or they may need a reminder, but keep strong and assert yourself.

[Anonymous]

Benedikte wrote:I would not talk about hurt feelings, under the circumstances. He may view this as a sign of weakness.

I would tell him direkt that he doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve and give him some examples.

Tell him to stop or suffer the consequences. Declare the discussion over and walk away. If he raises his voice to you, stand up to him and tell him you will not allow him to address you in that tone of voice, and walk away.

You must put down your borders so that he can see them clearly and will learn to respect them, if you become consistent in this practice.

Fine advice as far as it goes, but 1) She is weak. I mean, obviously. 2) If you're going to threaten consequences, follow through. So, that may mean leaving and divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Benedikte wrote:I would not talk about hurt feelings, under the circumstances. He may view this as a sign of weakness.

I would tell him direkt that he doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve and give him some examples.

Tell him to stop or suffer the consequences. Declare the discussion over and walk away. If he raises his voice to you, stand up to him and tell him you will not allow him to address you in that tone of voice, and walk away.

You must put down your borders so that he can see them clearly and will learn to respect them, if you become consistent in this practice.

Totally agree with this. I was going to write, tell him he's being rude and disrespectful in the manner he's speaking to you, and if it doesn't stop, the conversation is over. Then leave. Don't argue. Just leave. But above advice is more detailed.

[Anonymous]

If you choose to let it bother you, it will.