Sleep Sex
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Anonymous
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DH and everybody in my house know how I like my sleep. Once I hit the hay, I don't like to be disturbed, because most of the time once you wake me up, I can't go back to sleep and end up awake tossing and turning all night.
Why is it then that my dear DH ONLY waits until I'm drowsy or already asleep to initiate sex?. The whole night/day/whatever, we are hanging out, watching tv, relaxing, goofing off, he won't do anything. But the moment my body winds down and I lay down to go to sleep or when I've been asleep for an hour or more is when I feel someone behind me trying to get frisky. Naturally, I find this highly annoying, usually, I'm too sleepy and too tired to be horny and it often results in me turning him down. I have told him and demonstrated to him countless times that if he wants me to be really into it, he needs to make a move before bedtime but I feel like I'm talking to a tree because that idea just never sinks in. I initiate sex too, often, but at the times that he does, it's always when my eyes are closed. Is he just not horny enough to care? I mean what gives? |
Anonymous
| What does he say? What is his reason for initiating when you are going to sleep? |
Anonymous
He doesn't really say anything, just mumbles and walks away annoyed that he didn't get laid. |
Anonymous
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OMG, a husband who wants to fuck his wife. didn't realize that someone can tell our bodies and hormones to get worked up only between certain hours and to lay low at other times
woe is me. boo-hoo. if you aren't attracted to him, tell him. y ou sound too demanding - maybe he wants to fuck when you're asleep because that way you won't talk or say anything. |
Anonymous
Read the fucking post, asshole. |
Anonymous
| I know EXACTLY what you mean! I'm not as bad as you regarding sleep (I can get back to sleep no problem) but I've always need a lot more sleep than the average person. Before we had kids I could handle middle of the night sex. But, since we've had kids, I just don't get enough rest. I don't want to be roused just when I'm about to drift off and I don't want to be woken when I'm asleep. I think it's just part of my DH's planning/thinking ahead challenge. He's more of a spur of the moment guy in lots of things and he probably doesn't feel the urge earlier in the evening. He also has problems with impulse control - hence I get pawed in my sleep. |
Anonymous
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Damn. I don't think there's much else you can do. The number one thing would be to initiate sex at other times, and apparently you're already doing that. You've talked to him and he knows he'll have success if he makes his move a little earlier but he doesn't bother. What else can a person do?
That all said, maybe he thinks you're hotter when you're tired. That's the only reason I can possibly think for the choice he makes to come at you after bedtime. Not sure how to fix that, though :\ |
Anonymous
| I'm a guy and I actually like doing this sometime in the early am. Sometime us guys get the urge when we're in a half-sleep state from an erotic dream..some of the best sex I have was in this state. Luckily, my wife is usually accomodating if I'm persistent. No pressure about waiting for the wife to get off since she just want to go back to sleep...the problem is sometime I just want to prolong the feeling and it may take too long to her liking.. |
Anonymous
| It's because when he lays down next to you he gets a raging boner. It really is as simple as that. |
Anonymous
I'd try talking to him about it at a different time--middle of the day when you're both dressed and feeling relaxed. |
Anonymous
IDK, sounds like he'd just ignore her then bring it up again after she's been in bed an hour. 
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Anonymous
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I am a morning person and DH is a night owl. Once a week or so I tell him "you can wake me up when you come to bed" and once a week or so I get up extra early and initiate sex with him half an hour before his alarm - usually on a Friday or when I know he has a low stress day and can be 15 min late.
Compromise people! |
Anonymous
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It sounds like lying in bed is what he associates with initiating sex, or is when he gets horny. Lots of people have a bed - sex association. You on the other hand only use the bed to sleep.
When you are up and about doing things, he probably thinks that isn't a good time as you are in the middle of a TV show or in the middle of whatever you are doing. Maybe you need to plan to go to bed earlier and have time in bed before you go to sleep. Tell him that time is when he or you will initiate. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry OP, I should have clarified. When you're NOT in bed, and have this conversation , what does he say? If you haven't had it, try. It's a pretty loaded conversation to have when you are actually in bed. Talk when you're out for a walk or somewhere away from the bedroom. It'll be a "safer" conversation. You can start with something like..."You know I love having sex with you. And you know how much I need my sleep. I've asked you not to initiate when I'm asleep. I know you want to respect me, so what's getting in the way? Can we figure out way for you to initiate before I go to sleep?" |
Anonymous
| I'd tell him when I'm going to bed that if he wants to have sex he needs to follow you upstairs. Otherwise, it's not going to happen tonight. |