Serious Sit downs with Spouse?

[Anonymous]

Do you all have scheduled sit downs with spouses to discuss issues? Such as things that you want to change in marriage, child raising or larger life issues?

Spouse and I have a great marriage and we talk frequently, but the bigger things seem to get pushed aside for later or we don't want to bring them up at the time they occur (such as in front of family). Is this a dumb idea? I'm an introspective person and spouse really isn't. I see a therapist and have really enjoyed going through lists of things that I'm thinking about.

[Anonymous]

We don't formally "sit down" as we have three kids to track down. Sometimes, we have family meetings with the kids. As a couple, we just like to talk to each other like we did before we had children: about our interests, our work lives, what movies we'd like to see, and sometimes about pressing issues.

The key is to enjoy each other's company. If "scheduling" time together guarantees that you'll have it, great. If a "meeting" will turn into a trial, forget it. Remember, you've got to like spending time together if you're going to be happy.

Just one happily married DW's opinion.

[Anonymous]

We have our talks in bed, in a cuddling, intimate setting, followed by sex.

[Anonymous]

We just never get around to the deep talks and its hard for me to bring them up. Ugh

[Anonymous]

Every Friday like clockwork for many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have our talks in bed, in a cuddling, intimate setting, followed by sex.

We do this as well. We talk frequently, but our best conversations are in intimate settings...whether it be in bed or over a "just the two of us" dinner

[Anonymous]

We have a lot of our "bigger" talks in the car, while one of us is driving. Since we're trapped together and can't escape, might as well

If that doesn't pan out (like if it's something we don't want to discuss in front of the kids, at least one of whom is always in the back seat) we frequently find ourselves chatting in the kitchen while preparing a meal. We made a huge life decision (a move) in the kitchen just a few weeks ago, in face. It's also a time when we're kind of "stuck" in one place together, so I guess that works for us.

Also, after a glass of wine on the couch, in between DVR'd TV shows.

I don't plan sit-down talks though, because then I feel like it puts The Weight of Expectation on things.

[Anonymous]

Scheduled talks sound weird to me. When the issue arises, we discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Scheduled talks sound weird to me. When the issue arises, we discuss.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Scheduled talks sound weird to me. When the issue arises, we discuss.

Are you both night or morning people? Do you have regular time alone when you're not at work or with the kids? Or do you just leave the kids in other rooms and go have a private chat as soon as the issue arises?

[Anonymous]

"Scheduled talks sound weird to me. When the issue arises, we discuss."

I agree that it does sound weird, but if you're the kind of couple that tends to avoid talking about the important things then scheduling a weekly time to talk is far better than not talking and letting things fester, etc.

[Anonymous]

Scheduled talking about important issues is not "weird." If we didn't schedule, we would never be able to talk through critical decisions. He's in the door at night, I leave for work then.

[Anonymous]

Needing a sit down with your spouse? Are you Carmela Soprano bychance?

[Anonymous]

I think in theorysitting down regularly and having serious discussions is a very healthy way to communicate in a marriage, but I don't see many men doing this.

No disrespect to any men out there...hehehehehe....But men are not the best communicators by nature. They prefer to sit alongside the elephant in the room while the women wants to shoo it away.

Get my drift??

[Anonymous]

Also, if a wife decides these sitdowns are 'a chance to air my grievances and transmit them all to my husband, and to hell with any concerns HE might have,' then they will work about as well as you'd think.

Thing is, when women are doing this, they think they're just engaging in healthy venting and that their husbands just need to be supportive. It's a terribly unhealthy dynamic IMHO, and I'm starting to be of the opinion that (1) ~80% of venting to a spouse is useless, (2) women really don't want to hear their husbands' feelings, and (3) men just want to either have sex, do something fun/useful, or be left alone.