Does every MIL...

[Anonymous]

...visit and then comment to their DIL how MUCH their son does with the one year old child and how LUCKY she is? Apparently not every man is so wonderful.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

My mother is the one who has made some comments along these lines, but thankfully few, and it's a topic we've discussed at length after the first couple of these.

[Anonymous]

Well, are you lucky? I feel pretty lucky with how helpful my DH is b/c not all of my friends have such involved husbands. My MIL never makes comments like that - but she raised her two boys as a single mom. My Mom does sometimes comment that my Dad wasn't as involved/helpful - but she chalks it up to how times have changed.

[Anonymous]

I think their generation had lower expectations of men than ours. Even my dad (who is a wonderful man) never does dishes and rarely cooks. I expect a full 50% and DH lives up to that standard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...visit and then comment to their DIL how MUCH their son does with the one year old child and how LUCKY she is? Apparently not every man is so wonderful.

Mine totally does. When DC was yonger MIL tried to persuade DH to go sleep over at her house, so he won't have to be awaken by the crying baby (mind you, I got up at night).

[Anonymous]

OP. I am not "lucky" because my husband does a fair amount of child rearing, as he is not "lucky" I earn 1/2 our income. It's what we have mutually decided works for us. Each time we see my MIL she comments on how great of a father he is. I agree, but because it is out of her range of typical" I am supposed to be falling over. If anything, I am grateful he is the man he claimed to be when we decided to become parents together.

[Anonymous]

My MIL does this and so much worse. I so much want to post her Thanksgiving antics (and complete lack of boundaries) but don't want it to be traced to me somehow. And I know I'm actually lucky because she loves me and is well intentioned.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she was saying that because she was looking back at her parenting experience, and her husband never helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...visit and then comment to their DIL how MUCH their son does with the one year old child and how LUCKY she is? Apparently not every man is so wonderful.

Yes.

I'll allow it, though, because DH's dad really didn't do much with the kids at all. She's surprised be how much DH does because FIL was useless. It's a good change and I'm okay with her praising DH for it.

[Anonymous]

No. My MIL talks constantly about how lucky my husband is to have found me. :o)

She also talks 100% of the time in the most digustingly sickly sweet baby talk voice you have ever heard. So, although I am lucky on point one, it's hard for me to be around her for more than 30 seconds without wanting to mute her. Permanently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am not "lucky" because my husband does a fair amount of child rearing, as he is not "lucky" I earn 1/2 our income. It's what we have mutually decided works for us. Each time we see my MIL she comments on how great of a father he is. I agree, but because it is out of her range of typical" I am supposed to be falling over. If anything, I am grateful he is the man he claimed to be when we decided to become parents together.

OP, I'm with you. If my MIL said that, I would say, "well, if he didn't help, I wouldn't be with him. We both work. We're a team, 50/50."

I know a lot of people say just to smile and put up with it, but I think this is something that needs to be addressed in our society, because even with as far as women have come, there still seems to be this attitude that, even if the wife has a full-time career, she is the default child-rearer/housekeeper/et cetera. That needs to be constantly challenged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...visit and then comment to their DIL how MUCH their son does with the one year old child and how LUCKY she is? Apparently not every man is so wonderful.

Yes.

I'll allow it, though, because DH's dad really didn't do much with the kids at all. She's surprised be how much DH does because FIL was useless. It's a good change and I'm okay with her praising DH for it.

Well, does your mother point out constantly to your husband how lucky he is to have a wife who shares in the financial responsibilities?

[Anonymous]

MIL is "proud" that her DH never lifted a finger to raise the kids.

MIL was "proud" to take her husband's name when she was married.

FIL is "proud" that he earned enough for MIL to be a SAHM.

They are two of the most boring people on the planet.

[Anonymous]

OP.

"Well, does your mother point out constantly to your husband how lucky he is to have a wife who shares in the financial responsibilities?"

Haha, not at all. My parents praise my husband for marrying me. So I get how wonderful he is from both ends. (And he is truly wonderful, it just doesn't make me lucky.)

"OP, I'm with you. If my MIL said that, I would say, "well, if he didn't help, I wouldn't be with him. We both work. We're a team, 50/50."

Thank you for commiserating. I actually told my MIL that I was not "lucky" because he is doing his 1/2 of the parenting. As much as I wanted to throw my financial contribution in her face, I just explained I wouldn't have had a child with someone who didn't really want to be a dad. Having a child wasn't and end all be all for me, and that if he didn't show interest in being 50/50 then it was never going to happen.