Lost all Control in My Marriage
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Anonymous
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This might be the end of the road in my 20 year marriage. I am so angry with my husband I could scream.
He does the bare minimum in our marriage. No date nights, no one on one time together, no initiative to help around the house, even basic safety issues. If I ask him to help me with something, he balks and will sulk like a child. I work very part time and regret that I do not have my own stash of cash to just hire someone and get this stuff done. I'm not at all materialistic, but I do like my home to be clean, attractive and have everything work. Oh, I also reduced my hours to support his worldwide travel. Daycare and babysitting was too expensive and I was paying out about what I made. He's the breadwinner. So, I'm trapped. I'm sick of crying, screaming, even tried calming discussing how I need more of his help. He works and I do absolutely everything else...shopping, organizing, cleaning, driving, laundry, cooking...and I'm sick of it. Tempted to go totally passive aggressive and simply stop doing everything...maybe if he doesn't have clean clothes, lightbulbs, a clean house and food he'll care? how do I crawl out of this hole? |
Anonymous
| I am in your shoes and I work full time. Husband refuses divorce not sure how to procede |
Anonymous
| How many kids? Ages? |
Anonymous
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OP here. Three kids, ages 13, 10 and 6.
I dug this hole for myself. I thought that by supporting him at home (not financially) I'd help his career, our family, our life. I also thought that if raised the children and assumed most daily responsibilities pertaining to them, kept the house together and food for all, he'd certainly be able to lend a hand with heavy lifting, literally. Instead, I'm living with inoperable/broken appliances, faulty lock on our front door, a dark entrance, I could go on...he does not care or pretends not to notice. |
Anonymous
| Why can't you just call a handyman and get it all fixed? |
Anonymous
This. I mean you mention you work very part time and don't have much of an income, but do you not have access to your husband's income? |
Anonymous
Tried it. Husband says we can't afford to spend that kind of money or worse, he'll do it...sometime. |
Anonymous
| Doormats aren't good examples for kids. |
Anonymous
| Go online and slowly every few months order new appliances. Changing a lock is easy - there are videos online. Just pick an easy install lock. And, hire a handyman a few hours a month. Instead of being upset just do it yourself. |
Anonymous
Just. Do. It. Do you not have cash to spend? Surely your husband isn't the only one with access to the bank account. Don't listen to his complaints and do it. Take some control over something and you'll feel a lot better. Bonus: your honey-do list will actually get done! |
Anonymous
Fixing the lock isn't expensive, just do it. You are a doormat and now it is time to change. do you know anything about your finances? |
Anonymous
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He pays all the bills on line.
We have a joint checking account for everyday expenses. I have modest IRA/rollover accounts from former career. 500k retirement. Some stocks. Zero college savings. One car payment. He makes 150k. |
Anonymous
| Use the checking account and get this stuff done. |
Anonymous
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Stop being a doormat. Tell him you need a new x and they will be there on y day to fix it or bring a new one.
As for the dark entryway and lock, you can easily fix those |
Anonymous
Thanks. I'm alone in my basement crying and feeling like a doormat! I will call a handyman tomorrow. I don't care how much it costs. Sad thing is, I'm not sure my husband will notice or care. But I care and it will make me feel a little better. Thanks to everyone |