Six year old cries at the drop of a hat

[Anonymous]

My six year old cries at the drop of a hat---so hard that people think that there must have been a serious injury. Do I just chalk this up to him being highly sensitive? Or are there some tools I could be teaching him so that crying isn't the first reaction? Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

My son is almost 6 and when things get too hard or he doesn't do things as well as he would like, he cries. We started martial arts and when he gets upset because things are too hard, his coach just tells him there's no reason to cry and keep going. He doesn't cry when he gets physically hurt, it's more that he's so hard on himself. He definitely got that from me.

[Anonymous]

It could be that he is just sensitive but it could also be anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the quick responses! So I guess that's one of my questions...how would I be able to tell if it's anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the quick responses! So I guess that's one of my questions...how would I be able to tell if it's anxiety?

[Anonymous]

How is he at school? What does his teacher say?

The only way to really tell if it's anxiety is a neuropsych eval which would be overkill if the only issue is that he cries at the drop of a hat.

[Anonymous]

He's fine at school except if something has happened at recess. I think he must just feel things differently or has a super low tolerance for pain. But his first reaction if he's frustrated or loses or gets hurt (and I'm talking about injuries that wouldn't bother other kids) is ALWAYS to cry. I try to redirect him and get him to calm down but it's almost like a bad habit and I have not been successful in breaking it. And I'm also wondering if something else might be going on too, which makes me feel guilty

[Anonymous]

My six year old son cries at the drop of a hat, too. When he's very frustrated or angry. Basically any huge emotion. I've taught him it's fine to cry, because I hate that men are expected to suck it up. But now it's bugging his teacher (he has cried three times this year). So I'm all ears about advice, too.

[Anonymous]

I have three boys and over the year I have seen a lot of kids who clearly struggle with emotional regulation. I don't ever think it's the "parents' fault" but there are clearly lots of environmental factors that can help or hurt. But when a kid is way outside the norm, then it's a sign that it is something particularly challenging to him. Of all the kids I have known, the vast majority have grown out of it with no intervention at all. This can be a tough age with big transitions and sometimes when kids are going through a big one or even growing up developmentally, they regress a little in other way.

That said, I think that there are lots of ways to help. The main thing is to make sure as much as possible that your kid has a lot in the tank when disappointment hits. Our son turned out to have very severe anxiety, but again, this is not the case with anyone else I know. I mention it to say that we assume that kids' baseline is feeling great about life but some kids need hep to feel safe ad secure. For us that meant really simplifying his life. Eliminating some activities, really sticking to a predictable structure and routine, getting lots of sleep, advanced warning about every single change. This really helped our son feel secure and comfortable so when whatever disappointment came along it didn't automatically send him over the edge.

There are also many activities which can enhance body awareness and teach a kid to better control his body (which can really make a difference, too.) Martial arts, yoga, etc.

Last, many people I know went to talk to a child therapist for a few months to get some idea on how to better parent a challenging child. Most of these kids were really helped by small changes their parents made plus maturity and getting older and ended the therapy with no repercussions and no diagnosis. We did end up with a diagnosis and I am glad we did because our therapist has been a life-changer. In any case, if parents need guidance, they can be extremely helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three boys and over the year I have seen a lot of kids who clearly struggle with emotional regulation. I don't ever think it's the "parents' fault" but there are clearly lots of environmental factors that can help or hurt. But when a kid is way outside the norm, then it's a sign that it is something particularly challenging to him. Of all the kids I have known, the vast majority have grown out of it with no intervention at all. This can be a tough age with big transitions and sometimes when kids are going through a big one or even growing up developmentally, they regress a little in other way.

That said, I think that there are lots of ways to help. The main thing is to make sure as much as possible that your kid has a lot in the tank when disappointment hits. Our son turned out to have very severe anxiety, but again, this is not the case with anyone else I know. I mention it to say that we assume that kids' baseline is feeling great about life but some kids need hep to feel safe ad secure. For us that meant really simplifying his life. Eliminating some activities, really sticking to a predictable structure and routine, getting lots of sleep, advanced warning about every single change. This really helped our son feel secure and comfortable so when whatever disappointment came along it didn't automatically send him over the edge.

There are also many activities which can enhance body awareness and teach a kid to better control his body (which can really make a difference, too.) Martial arts, yoga, etc.

Last, many people I know went to talk to a child therapist for a few months to get some idea on how to better parent a challenging child. Most of these kids were really helped by small changes their parents made plus maturity and getting older and ended the therapy with no repercussions and no diagnosis. We did end up with a diagnosis and I am glad we did because our therapist has been a life-changer. In any case, if parents need guidance, they can be extremely helpful.

This for us. We learned that less is more for DS. Cut out the extras, establish simple routines, lots of positive feedback and family time. And martial Arts. Major improvements all around. Haven't seen a meltdown in months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My six year old son cries at the drop of a hat, too. When he's very frustrated or angry. Basically any huge emotion. I've taught him it's fine to cry, because I hate that men are expected to suck it up. But now it's bugging his teacher (he has cried three times this year). So I'm all ears about advice, too.

The teacher is annoyed because a 6yo cries once a month? That doesn't sound that frequent to me.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I have *no* idea of your parenting style, but I have a handful of friends who have a child who cries over every little thing. Our kids are all older than yours, now in MS, but I have known my group of mom friends and their kids since our oldest kids were in preschool. What I observed of the crying kids was that their crying ensured their mothers' prompt attention. There was always a lot of what's wrong, hugs and kisses, patting, reassurance, etc. Basically, a lot of reward for being sad, upset, losing a game, etc. Several friends figured out the connection and broke it. A couple have not and their kids are now middle schoolers or older elementary schoolers who cry over every perceived slight. Those kids get left out a lot and I think it is because other parents don't want to deal with a crier when someone doesn't get the high score on Just Dance 3 or forgot a helmet and can't ride bikes or skateboards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I have *no* idea of your parenting style, but I have a handful of friends who have a child who cries over every little thing. Our kids are all older than yours, now in MS, but I have known my group of mom friends and their kids since our oldest kids were in preschool. What I observed of the crying kids was that their crying ensured their mothers' prompt attention. There was always a lot of what's wrong, hugs and kisses, patting, reassurance, etc. Basically, a lot of reward for being sad, upset, losing a game, etc. Several friends figured out the connection and broke it. A couple have not and their kids are now middle schoolers or older elementary schoolers who cry over every perceived slight. Those kids get left out a lot and I think it is because other parents don't want to deal with a crier when someone doesn't get the high score on Just Dance 3 or forgot a helmet and can't ride bikes or skateboards.

+1. I have one friend whose child clearly has emotional regulation issues that lead to non-age appropriate tantrums and crying, etc and they are working with a therapist. The rest of the kids we know who cry and pitch fits over every slight and injury have moms who swoop in and reward the behavior with a lot of attention. The latter seems to be way more common than the former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My six year old son cries at the drop of a hat, too. When he's very frustrated or angry. Basically any huge emotion. I've taught him it's fine to cry, because I hate that men are expected to suck it up. But now it's bugging his teacher (he has cried three times this year). So I'm all ears about advice, too.

Your son's teacher is upset that your son has cried 3 times in what 2.5 months? If he cries and quickly gets over it what is the big deal? Unless he shuts down for the rest of the day or for an hour or something I think your son's teacher has unrealistic expectations. Does the teacher get annoyed when girls cry too?