Spouse kicked extended family out of house

[Anonymous]

My family flew here to visit us for the holidays. Everything was going smoothly (no worse than usual) until spouse blew up and kicked family out of the house over a perceived slight. Spouse is high-strung and sensitive and does not like my family, but has never been so overtly rude before. Spouse was on edge because kids were being fussy. (Being around spouse seems to set them off, but that is another issue.) How would you react?

[Anonymous]

Where did the family go?

Kicking family out sounds like they were just asked to leave. if that is the case your spouse needs serious help as you don't just kick guests from overseas out of your house unless something very major happens. Your spouse sounds a bit angry/unstable or cold/cruel.

If on the other hand, this was a progressively volatile situation with legitimate concerns that were not resolving and your spouse suggested that they needed to find alternate living arrangements as this wasn't working, then it is a little more understandable. They could stay in a hotel and visit you.

[Anonymous]

They are not from overseas-just family congregating for the holidays. It was late so no one went anywhere, but tomorrow they will look into a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy. Your spouse needs to apologize, now, and if he can't handle the situation, maybe take the day off or the morning off and do something. Go grocery shopping, rake leaves, do something.

Kids act up around guests. They get excited.

If your husband has anger management issues, therapy for both of you and for him.

[Anonymous]

Why assume it's a husband?

[Anonymous]

Spouse would never apologize. I feel bad because it was such a hurtful thing to do yet completely in character. Spouse is still huffing like the wronged party and everyone else pretending they are ok.

[Anonymous]

What was the slight?

[Anonymous]

sorry your spouse is an ass! Having family members over for a holiday and then sending them to a hotel, expenses that they were not fully anticipating is a real jerk move! Hope your spouse comes to their senses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was the slight?

Yeah what did your family do (or not do)?

[Anonymous]

Without details this makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse would never apologize. I feel bad because it was such a hurtful thing to do yet completely in character. Spouse is still huffing like the wronged party and everyone else pretending they are ok.

If you know you have a spouse with a short fuse and family members who tiptoe around him/her, then maybe your family should be staying in a hotel anyway for their own comfort.

Your family members probably make the holiday visit even more tense by walking on eggshells around him and looking the other way--which probably sets him off even more.

[Anonymous]

True. They are here to visit us and help with the kids, however, so even if they stayed at the hotel at night we would have to go there to visit with them or they would be around most of the day.

The slight was someone said spouse was scaring the kids by yelling at them for acting up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:True. They are here to visit us and help with the kids, however, so even if they stayed at the hotel at night we would have to go there to visit with them or they would be around most of the day.

The slight was someone said spouse was scaring the kids by yelling at them for acting up.

Yes, of course you would still spend time with each other. The difference is that staying at a hotel would take the edge off and give everybody some distance and down time when needed.

Regarding the slight, I can see why a family member would finally state the obvious to your spouse in such an anxious environment.

[Anonymous]

Can you clarify, whose kids are you referring to? Yours/spouses, or the guests'?

Also not essential but is spouse male/female? (it does provide insight--are we talking about mom yelling at her own kids, mom yelling at the guest kids, dad yelling, one of two dads yelling...)

[Anonymous]

Holy crap, I would be livid. We have tension in our family too - my husband can't stand my brother, and I loathe his father. Neither one of us would even dream of kicking them out.