When you visit your parents

[Anonymous]

How much time do they spend with you? Mine constantly guilt me about not coming home enough. I am close to them and talk to them on the phone a few times a week and if I so much as mention a problem like at work or in life -- the solution is "come home." But when I do go home -- I find they watch about 5 hrs of tv a day and are inconvenienced at hanging out with me. So I find myself in my childhood bedroom with an iPad bc I cannot sit through hours a day of Indian language sitcoms at full volume. The only time they talk to me is to gossip about extended family -- who i dont see often and just am not interested in. Is this normal retired person behavior -- wwyd? My home wasn't like this growing up -- we talked, watched movies, did things. Am I asking too much?

[Anonymous]

My mom doesn't make any plans for us when we visit, and it is pulling teeth trying to just come up with a dinner plan or anything to do together, but then complains that we don't do anything. She literally doesn't go out of her way at all - we figure out all of our own meals, she won't even go to the mall with me unless she has a reason to be there for herself, etc. I think she wants the picture perfect family that lives close or visits all the time and does things together but in reality she doesn't want to be inconvenienced with her tv shows or time or anything else.
I find it especially annoying because when she visits we are expected to take her to every tourist place she wants to go, great restaurants, etc.

I wouldn't say its normal retired behavior though because my aunt goes above and beyond when her children visit. I think its just a personality and family dynamic thing.

[Anonymous]

Basically except when we are sleeping or showering, we are together unless my dad offers to watch the baby, in which case dh and I will go out for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Basically the same as you described. The TV is on very loud but it's usually some sports game. Mom is often chatting on the phone for a long time or her neighbor/friends is over.

She also doesn't ever cook or grocery shop in preparation for us, so I have to go back out and get the kids some fast food after our long drive down there. This is why I rarely visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basically the same as you described. The TV is on very loud but it's usually some sports game. Mom is often chatting on the phone for a long time or her neighbor/friends is over.

She also doesn't ever cook or grocery shop in preparation for us, so I have to go back out and get the kids some fast food after our long drive down there. This is why I rarely visit

If you know this why don't you stop at the supermarket in their town a few minutes before arriving at their house? Then walk in to their house with a bag or two of groceries.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you are single and kid-less.
My experience was similar to yours until I got married; then, at least you have someone to pal around with.
And when you bring grandiose home, hopefully your folks will who more interest in time with you (as happened to me).... But my parents are both deceased, so honestly, if I were you, I would be soaking up every minute of time with them I could. They could be gone tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you are single and kid-less.
My experience was similar to yours until I got married; then, at least you have someone to pal around with.
And when you bring grandiose home, hopefully your folks will who more interest in time with you (as happened to me).... But my parents are both deceased, so honestly, if I were you, I would be soaking up every minute of time with them I could. They could be gone tomorrow.

*grandkids

[Anonymous]

I HATE going to stay at my parents house ( in Atlanta). It smells, my dad smokes in the basement. My mom loves to freeze food, which I think ruins most things, especially meat. My mother is either hovering or mad because I told her not to hover. She constantly offers food and I don't think snacking is good for kids It's boring as hell but if we make lots of plans to do things they get upset that we are always out. And no, they don't want to go places with us, like the Aquarium or shopping or anything because it's just "too much" for them.

[Anonymous]

We just got to my parents' house yesterday afternoon after a 7 hour drive, and DH is lobbying to leave first thing tomorrow morning.... Their house is really unsafe for kids and they make no effort to childproof, so we spend the whole visit chasing the kids around and trying to keep them safe. Like others, there is never any fresh food in the house, so we eat like crap or have to go out and buy our own groceries. Ironically, they have two refrigerators and a pantry stuffed with food, but it's all old and super processed. When we were single, my sister and I used to stay up late at night and clear all the old food out of the fridge at Thanksgiving and haul it to the dump. We'd leave one old jar of mayo or yogurt and come back the next year to see if it was still there. It always was. The TV is always on, there is never a plan for activities while we're here, etc. The house is also really open and noisy, so the kids sleep horribly. My parents refuse to even try to be quiest during naps and early in the morning, so we're all hungry, constipated, tired, and bored at the end of every visit. My parents are very wealthy and retired, so they have time to grocery shop, etc, but they've never made the effort to prepare for family to visit.

We vowed this year that we wouldn't come home for the holidays but then my mom's cancer came back and this is probably her last Thanksgiving, so we are sucking it up and trying to be helpful and enjoy this time together.

[Anonymous]

Sorry about your mom, pp. I was going to say stay in a hotel and keep visits to a couple of hours during the day, eating meals out or at the hotel. But given her health situation, I would suck it up this last time and try to enjoy your time together.