Different Styles of Communicating

[Anonymous]

I think my spouse and I simply communicate in radically different ways, and I am not sure that those differences can be overcome. I tend to do most of the house stuff (over 70%), including laundry, bills, yard, etc. And I never complain about it or even discuss it. The stuff just needs to get done, so I do it. My spouse, however, is the opposite. Spouse will do a few things on Saturday, and then will complain to others and me about tired spouse is from being so busy and getting so much done. Spouse does do a few things, but is extremely slow at them and frankly does not accomplish much. Spouse then wants to talk about what "I" did. I, instead, might say, if anything, that the laundry was done. Spouse does the same thing with the kids homework, most of which I monitor. I might say that son has finished math, but needs to complete his reading. Spouse will say I got son to finish and I am so tired. Spouse complains all the time about being so tired and being so busy with family duties. I find it completely ironic, because I never complain and frankly do much more than my share. And I get very annoyed when spouse goes into these complaining modes, as if spouse had something really to complain about.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's low on iron. If supervising a child's math homework is taxing him so much, then that's a medical problem and he should see a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my spouse and I simply communicate in radically different ways, and I am not sure that those differences can be overcome. I tend to do most of the house stuff (over 70%), including laundry, bills, yard, etc. And I never complain about it or even discuss it. The stuff just needs to get done, so I do it. My spouse, however, is the opposite. Spouse will do a few things on Saturday, and then will complain to others and me about tired spouse is from being so busy and getting so much done. Spouse does do a few things, but is extremely slow at them and frankly does not accomplish much. Spouse then wants to talk about what "I" did. I, instead, might say, if anything, that the laundry was done. Spouse does the same thing with the kids homework, most of which I monitor. I might say that son has finished math, but needs to complete his reading. Spouse will say I got son to finish and I am so tired. Spouse complains all the time about being so tired and being so busy with family duties. I find it completely ironic, because I never complain and frankly do much more than my share. And I get very annoyed when spouse goes into these complaining modes, as if spouse had something really to complain about.

Haha, funny the other poster assumes the man is the "offender".

I read this and was like OMG, why is my husband on DCUM?? Is he trying to send me a Passive Aggressive message

So I'm a lot like the offending spouse. However, I would like to say that I do not complain and give my DH a TON of credit for all that he does. My problem that I fully recognize is that I have ADD. IT SUCKS!!!! I'm fully aware of my problem. Basic tasking is very hard for me, but somehow, I'm able to keep it together (quite well) in my career, but am a total wreck at home. I have been on meds and it helps tremendously, but have abandoned medication because I REFUSE to be on amphetamines to function. IMO that makes me nothing more than legally a cocaine user.

Maybe your spouse suffers from ADD and TRULY FEELS like they are doing a million things, when to a normal and healthy person like you, you are like WTF, you do NOTHING!!! I think if this is their case, you would feel much better if there was actually a reason and some sort of recognition on your spouses end that they are not running on all 6 cylinders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my spouse and I simply communicate in radically different ways, and I am not sure that those differences can be overcome. I tend to do most of the house stuff (over 70%), including laundry, bills, yard, etc. And I never complain about it or even discuss it. The stuff just needs to get done, so I do it. My spouse, however, is the opposite. Spouse will do a few things on Saturday, and then will complain to others and me about tired spouse is from being so busy and getting so much done. Spouse does do a few things, but is extremely slow at them and frankly does not accomplish much. Spouse then wants to talk about what "I" did. I, instead, might say, if anything, that the laundry was done. Spouse does the same thing with the kids homework, most of which I monitor. I might say that son has finished math, but needs to complete his reading. Spouse will say I got son to finish and I am so tired. Spouse complains all the time about being so tired and being so busy with family duties. I find it completely ironic, because I never complain and frankly do much more than my share. And I get very annoyed when spouse goes into these complaining modes, as if spouse had something really to complain about.

Haha, funny the other poster assumes the man is the "offender".

I read this and was like OMG, why is my husband on DCUM?? Is he trying to send me a Passive Aggressive message

So I'm a lot like the offending spouse. However, I would like to say that I do not complain and give my DH a TON of credit for all that he does. My problem that I fully recognize is that I have ADD. IT SUCKS!!!! I'm fully aware of my problem. Basic tasking is very hard for me, but somehow, I'm able to keep it together (quite well) in my career, but am a total wreck at home. I have been on meds and it helps tremendously, but have abandoned medication because I REFUSE to be on amphetamines to function. IMO that makes me nothing more than legally a cocaine user.

Maybe your spouse suffers from ADD and TRULY FEELS like they are doing a million things, when to a normal and healthy person like you, you are like WTF, you do NOTHING!!! I think if this is their case, you would feel much better if there was actually a reason and some sort of recognition on your spouses end that they are not running on all 6 cylinders.

OP here. You may be right. You may be like my spouse. Having a reason may be helpful in some ways, but not sure how much. Talking care of our son, our daughter, our house, my job and frequently my spouse is exhausting and is not helpful for being upbeat.