Feeling sad about thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

So I realize this is an "abundance or riches" problem, but it still makes me feel sad.

I live local to my parents. For thanksgiving, my brother comes in (he comes about 3 times a year) and we spend all Wednesday cooking together, then on Tirsday in a big group for thanksgiving, and on friday it's just my family and my parents and brother for leftovers. I dont really like the big thanksgiving dinner, but love the time as a smaller group, especially the cooking together on wednesday.

This year, DH's parents decided to fly in. They and my parents don't really get along (no real reason, they just havent clicked) and so I can't join my family for either wednesday or friday. It makes me sad.

In many ways, my in laws are great people but I'm resentful they are intruding in my favorite parts of my favorite holiday (we fly to them for christmas and easter/passover, so this is the only holiday we spend with my family).

[Anonymous]

leave them with your husband - they knew the drill and decided to change it.

[Anonymous]

I think you can go to your parents on Friday! Why not?

[Anonymous]

Go cook on Wednesday with your family and use it as an excuse to "make double" for the in-laws on Thursday. Then as PP said, escape on Friday as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go cook on Wednesday with your family and use it as an excuse to "make double" for the in-laws on Thursday. Then as PP said, escape on Friday as well.

+1000. And like the PP said--they knew your plans and decided to change them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My MIL expects to cook woth me on Wednesday and I have no non-hostile reason why I can't.

I'm just feeling particularly down about the whole week. My SN child is being particularly out of control (violent and clingy, a wonderful combination), so I know thursday is going to suck. I was supposed to go out for a nice dinner tonight with my brother and parents, but DH got stuck behind a bad accident so can't get home in time. No one's fault, but it all just makes me feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My MIL expects to cook woth me on Wednesday and I have no non-hostile reason why I can't.

I'm just feeling particularly down about the whole week. My SN child is being particularly out of control (violent and clingy, a wonderful combination), so I know thursday is going to suck. I was supposed to go out for a nice dinner tonight with my brother and parents, but DH got stuck behind a bad accident so can't get home in time. No one's fault, but it all just makes me feel bad.

I would feel sad, too. MIL is being selfish if she knew that you and your family have those Thanksgiving rituals that you look forward to; maybe that's why your families have never clicked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My MIL expects to cook woth me on Wednesday and I have no non-hostile reason why I can't.

I'm just feeling particularly down about the whole week. My SN child is being particularly out of control (violent and clingy, a wonderful combination), so I know thursday is going to suck. I was supposed to go out for a nice dinner tonight with my brother and parents, but DH got stuck behind a bad accident so can't get home in time. No one's fault, but it all just makes me feel bad.

Are you kidding? Your family expects you to cook with them, and you tell your MIL that you're so sorry but you already have plans. This is even a real problem? Stop being a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, everyone. DH said he'd stay home from work on wednesday to hang with his parents, which frees me to go to my parents without feeling like I'm abandoning them.

Re:Friday, my in-laws will want to celebrate hannukah instead if having keftovers, but I can compromise on that (thankgivikah!)

[Anonymous]

"MIL and FIL, I'm so glad you decided to come visit this year. I always spend Wednesday cooking with my family, so I will make some extras while I'm there. MIL, help yourself to the kitchen and maybe we can do some cooking together Thursday morning."

This sucks OP, but your IL's are not in charge. Don't let them ruin your holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. DH said he'd stay home from work on wednesday to hang with his parents, which frees me to go to my parents without feeling like I'm abandoning them.

Re:Friday, my in-laws will want to celebrate hannukah instead if having keftovers, but I can compromise on that (thankgivikah!)

Good for your DH. If your brother only comes a few times a year, he is an equal priority to DH's parents. His parents, he takes time from work to host them. That's how it works in our house, glad to see it works that way in yours, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My MIL expects to cook woth me on Wednesday and I have no non-hostile reason why I can't.

I'm just feeling particularly down about the whole week. My SN child is being particularly out of control (violent and clingy, a wonderful combination), so I know thursday is going to suck. I was supposed to go out for a nice dinner tonight with my brother and parents, but DH got stuck behind a bad accident so can't get home in time. No one's fault, but it all just makes me feel bad.

Your non-hostile reason is that it's a tradition for you to cook with your family and have some small-group time with your brother. Tell your MIL she's welcome to join you if she likes, but you look forward to this tradition and time with your brother all year.

[Anonymous]

Now that you're married, you've gotta place a priority on DH's family, too. I much prefer holidays with my family and my traditions, but sometimes you've gotta switch it up a little. Maybe the ILs miss their own traditions around Thanksgiving and would like to spend it with your whole gang? Think about it from their perspective. You won't die by spending a little bit less time with your family this year. If you doing more Thanksgiving stuff with the ILs means more stuff with your family for other holidays this year, that's fair. Since the ILs are here for a while, you should be able to duck out for some time with your family, but don't short change their visit. They did make the effort to fly to see you (and I'm assuming you don't see them frequently).