Dad has a new girlfriend...again. Advice please!

[Anonymous]

My father and I have a pretty good relationship. We see each other about 1x per month and talk on the phone once or twice each week.
As wonderful as my father is, he is addicted to dating.
When he is single, he obsessively combs through dating sites looking for women.
He is always on the phone with different women. It gets so bad that when I do see him, he either tunes me out while looking at the dating sites or he is on the phone talking to the flavor of the day. It is ALL he talk about.

He met a woman that he liked about 2 weeks ago. He is already talking about moving closer to her and meeting her family.
He asked me to add this woman (who I haven't met) as a Facebook friend.
I don't want to. This has happened so many times before.
He meets someone, gets way too serious too soon, they become his entire life and then he loses interest after 6 months.
I then have the privilege of having these women hound me on FB asking me to talk to my father for them, asking me what happened and if my father has told me anything about it.
I vowed after the last time that I wouldn't go through this again.
I've never told my dad how much this bothers me.
I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to meet her or have her as a FB friend.
I have a good life and am happy. I don't need this aggrivation.
Is there a way to get out of this without hurting him?

[Anonymous]

Tough one. Does he know you're on FB a lot? Could you say you're trying to cut back on friends, or that you'll add her when they've been together more than 6 months or something? I guess you just have to be honest and tell him that the previous experiences have made you vow not to add more of his partners ... ?

Nice that you have a good relationship, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father and I have a pretty good relationship. We see each other about 1x per month and talk on the phone once or twice each week.
As wonderful as my father is, he is addicted to dating.
When he is single, he obsessively combs through dating sites looking for women.
He is always on the phone with different women. It gets so bad that when I do see him, he either tunes me out while looking at the dating sites or he is on the phone talking to the flavor of the day. It is ALL he talk about.

He met a woman that he liked about 2 weeks ago. He is already talking about moving closer to her and meeting her family.
He asked me to add this woman (who I haven't met) as a Facebook friend.
I don't want to. This has happened so many times before.
He meets someone, gets way too serious too soon, they become his entire life and then he loses interest after 6 months.
I then have the privilege of having these women hound me on FB asking me to talk to my father for them, asking me what happened and if my father has told me anything about it.
I vowed after the last time that I wouldn't go through this again.
I've never told my dad how much this bothers me.
I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to meet her or have her as a FB friend.
I have a good life and am happy. I don't need this aggrivation.
Is there a way to get out of this without hurting him?

So tell him. Gently and without malice or judgment, but just say "Dad, I think it's great you're having such a good time but I would rather not become connected to the women you date. When you break up with them I often have to deal with their questions and worrying and I'd rather not be in that position. So I won't be friending them on facebook anymore. But I hope you continue to have a great time."

Then just say no.

Your dad is a grown-up. He might take this much easier than you're fearing. But you need to be grown-up enough to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Umm just say no thanks. Be a big girl

[Anonymous]

Ewww. Something about an old man dating seems weird. How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It gets so bad that when I do see him, he either tunes me out while looking at the dating sites or he is on the phone talking to the flavor of the day. It is ALL he talk about.

So why don't you talk to him about it? If it bothers you enough to post about it here, why are you so concerned about not hurting HIS feelings?

I like 13:29's suggestion about what to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So tell him. Gently and without malice or judgment, but just say "Dad, I think it's great you're having such a good time but I would rather not become connected to the women you date. When you break up with them I often have to deal with their questions and worrying and I'd rather not be in that position. So I won't be friending them on facebook anymore. But I hope you continue to have a great time."

Then just say no.

Your dad is a grown-up. He might take this much easier than you're fearing. But you need to be grown-up enough to handle it.

This is great advice. If he wants to date--great! It's his social life, though, not yours, and its totally reasonable not to want to befriend his girlfriends. Meet them if it happens naturally as you socialize with your dad, but don't friend them on FB or share your contact information with them.

[Anonymous]

Yeah you're basically just describing a single person.

[Anonymous]

He sounds lonely and desperate. You can't fix that so avoid getting involved at all costs. Just say no to FB friending and let him continue making mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Is he an egomaniac if he has no clue how many people he's hurting? Or just doesn't give a shit?

[Anonymous]

OP here. He is visiting for Thanksgiving and broke plans with his 5 year old grandson to go see this skank. That made the decision very easy for me. I will not be meeting her or friending her on FB. I told him this to his face. Despicable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He is visiting for Thanksgiving and broke plans with his 5 year old grandson to go see this skank. That made the decision very easy for me. I will not be meeting her or friending her on FB. I told him this to his face. Despicable.

If she's a skank, what is your father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He is visiting for Thanksgiving and broke plans with his 5 year old grandson to go see this skank. That made the decision very easy for me. I will not be meeting her or friending her on FB. I told him this to his face. Despicable.

If she's a skank, what is your father?

My father is a co-dependent asswipe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He is visiting for Thanksgiving and broke plans with his 5 year old grandson to go see this skank. That made the decision very easy for me. I will not be meeting her or friending her on FB. I told him this to his face. Despicable.

Yikes. It sounds like you've been bottling your frustration and anger and exploded. It sucks that he bailed on his grandson, but if you have been silent up until now, he might not understand why he has been elevated to public enemy #1 for the infraction. TELL HIM. If you can say things in anger, you can just tell him the truth -- you don't want to get involved with his lady friends until the relationship is more settled. There's no judgement involved. My parents did the same when my brother was on a dating streak back in the day. They stopped investing time and effort until it seemed the relationship wasn't just a passing thing. There's nothing wrong with a passing thing, but the whole family doesn't need to be involved and you don't need to run interference between your dad and his dates. That's gross at any age and no matter the family relationship.

Has he been single long?