Alarmingly underweight tween

[Anonymous]

I’m so happy to hear your update. Thanks for coming back to give this. It’s very encouraging to many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so happy to hear your update. Thanks for coming back to give this. It’s very encouraging to many people.

The take away should be that the child needed to be aggressively re-fed (as with anorexia) and it was a “long hard road” for the family. Yes, encouraging that OP’s daughter seems to be well now, but it did not resolve on its own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so happy to hear your update. Thanks for coming back to give this. It’s very encouraging to many people.

The take away should be that the child needed to be aggressively re-fed (as with anorexia) and it was a “long hard road” for the family. Yes, encouraging that OP’s daughter seems to be well now, but it did not resolve on its own.

I’m not sure PP needs this correction. Many posters and readers of this thread are dealing with similar stressful situations at home. Very few recommended allowing OP’s to resolve on its own. Any parent with a child that needs to be re-fed for any reason knows how exhausting and stressful that can be. I’m encouraged that OP’s daughter made it to the other side. Some don’t.

[Anonymous]

OP- I’m encouraged to hear your update, because my 11yo son is severely underweight like your dd was. He’s very picky and eats very little, says he’s not hungry.

Can you share some tips of what helped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the gentle advice. I’m feeling fragile right now.

To answer some questions, the nutritionist is a dietician who works with DD’s medical team at Children’s. I am very opposed to the feeding tube for lots of reasons - most importantly because it feels like a total invasion and I’m not convinced it’s necessary anyway. But it did drive home the point that we need to take this seriously.

As for her general health, her vitals are fine. Her team at NIH concluded that her bone delay is most likely a result of “insufficient caloric intake.” She is active, happy, social, coordinated, bright. Sometimes she says she feels weak, tired, or dizzy. She is anxious, and I can’t say I blame her.

My DD has low blood sugar. Not just like some people say “oh, I get hangry when I’m hungry.” But vomiting and dizziness when it’s bad. It also makes her anxious. I would bet that malnutrition is contributing to your DD’s anxiety. I imagine all the stress around eating and wanting to be healthy is impacting her, too. She’s probably feeling like she’s trying really hard with respect to food and everyone is stressed about her (not your fault). My DD has a chronic illness and there are a lot of those feelings kids need to process. Your DD should be in regular therapy (if she isn’t already) to process all this. I really hope you find answers. I can relate to how this process can make you feel very out of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP hear with an update!

DD is now 16 and we just returned from the pediatrician. I’m happy to report that she is 5’6” and 110 pounds. She finally got her period at age 15 and she’s not done growing yet. She loves to eat, recognizes hunger cues, and eats more than her parents. She’s still anxious but learning to manage it without meds, and she’s not stressed about eating at all anymore.

Getting to this point has been challenging, I won’t lie. I couldn’t bear to read through all the responses - supportive and not - and I will admit that things got much worse before they got better about two years ago. We finally found a dietician who clicked with DD. She convinced us that while DD didn’t meet the psychological diagnosis for anorexia (she was simply not hungry), the treatment was the same. It was a long hard road. But since then she’s grown 6 inches and gained 30 pounds. She’s still got a ways to go, but the end of the tunnel is in sight.

I really appreciate all the support I received on this thread years ago. I hope this update will give parents struggling with these issues some comfort.

Thank you for updating! You’re a great parent! Your DD is lucky to have you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I’m encouraged to hear your update, because my 11yo son is severely underweight like your dd was. He’s very picky and eats very little, says he’s not hungry.

Can you share some tips of what helped?

OP here. First you’ll need to rule out medical conditions. Then I’d suggest you get a referral from your pediatrician for a dietician that specializes in eating disorders AND disordered eating. There’s a difference, but the treatment plan is the same. Restore nutrition first, which means eating on a rigid schedule, the prescribed amount, with no deviating from the plan. For us that meant 3,000 calories a day at first, tapering eventually to 2,500. We did this at home during Covid with weekly Zoom checkins with her dietician who looped in her pediatrician.

It was hard. Kids who have survived on very little nourishment lose their hunger cues. Some never had them to begin with. Anxiety makes it worse. Add family stress around eating and parents who don’t agree on the severity of the situation and it’s a downward spiral. I was the only one concerned for years. I was the neurotic food pusher. She would eat to please me but never felt the need otherwise. DH would accuse me of making it worse. Denial runs strong in DH’s family of anxious late bloomers and I doubted myself. Getting the family on board was key for us.

Another major motivator for DD was dance. She saw her peers advancing through the ranks while she was left behind. Her strength and flexibility was not on par with her cohort and when she finally accepted that reality, she was willing to try anything. It also gave us leverage that if she wanted to dance, she needed to fuel her body. No fuel, no dance. We involved her coaches in her treatment plan and they were extremely supportive. Now she is unrecognizable on stage. Lithe and powerful. She finds joy and peace in dance, works up an appetite, and eats like a linebacker. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to hear the words, “I’m starving!”

I’m not sure how much of this will help you. Everyone’s situation is different and I wish you the best of luck. If you haven’t already, I’d suggest you read the whole thread. People took great care to share their experiences. It was the best of DCUM, and I think it helped lots of people.