I received a call from my son's Kindergarten teacher. He was talking in class when he was told numerous times not to talk and then was playing some sort of game at recess and ended up biting another boy. I am pretty sure he and the other boy were sent to the principal's office and the teacher said that my son was only sorry when he was told that he was not getting a "smiley face" today.
We've had some recent issues with him not listening at home as well as being defiant (saying, or rather, yelling NO when we ask him to do something and then pitching a fit when we make him do it or impose negative consequences). He has never been physical and has never had an issue with biting or hitting anybody. I probably do think that it was some sort of "game" and not malicious. Regardless, it was against the rules and only one of the many misbehaviors he did today. To those of you with younger aged school kids (he is still 5) who have had the dreaded call from the teachers, what sort of consequences do you impose at home? At preschool, the teachers would tell us that they handled it in school with their own consequences and not to punish. I tend to think that now he is in Kindergarten there should be something at home. One thing that happens to us is that the negative consequence always takes center stage. For example, if we take a toy away for not listening, it becomes all about the toy being taken away and how we should give it back, we are mean, etc. instead of about the behavior that made the toy get taken away in the first place. I'm not sure what lesson is being learned because he gets so upset and focused (and frankly, feels victimized himself!) on the punishment. I do want my child to do well in school, follow the rules, etc. This is the first time we have ever had a call from the teacher so I'm taking it seriously. Does the fact that there was an in school consequence (if you don't get all smiley faces for the month, you don't certain rewards) suffice or do I need to do something other than talking to my child? Thanks in advance! |
For a five year old, none. I'd let mine know I was disappointed and I expect better, but I would let the school give the consequences. |
absolutely +1 |
If the school imposes consequences, I don't think you need to pile on. Express your disappointment and your hope that he will behave better tomorrow. |
I have a 5 year old and TOTALLY disagree. When my younger kids know I'm disappointed in them it is a fleeting guilty feeling they feel and off they go. My kids would lose privileges - whatever is coming up this week: bday parties, pdates, etc. |
Agree. I have a 4 yr old and 1st grader. FWIW, this past year I taught my son the longer he whines about x, the longer it will be taken away. He is able to grasp this concept and whining has been almost eliminated. |
I have a kindergartener, but haven't had to deal with a call home. However, I think I would talk to my child about what happened and try to find out why there was so much misbehavior today. I would emphasize the consequence that happened at school (no smiley face) and talk with him about how he can make better choices next time. I don't think I would do any additional punishment, especially since it sounds like that would shift your child's focus away from his misbehavior and make him focus on the lost toy. The school's system of consequences would be enough for me for this first offense. And then I would make extra effort to talk with him in the next week or two about his behavior at school and praise him for getting smiley faces and behaving well (assuming he does). |
No. The teachers handle it.
I do use it as an opportunity to do a refresher on appropriate behavior. We talk about the need to listen the the teacher, how to handle anger, how to be nice to friends, etc. and I pull out the appropriate picture book from this series, which I've found to be really helpful. http://www.freespirit.com/catalog/item_detail.cfm?ITEM_ID=509 |
I would (and did, with my now second grader) give a warning that if they have another bad day like that, there will be consequences at home. |
I disagree. For our kindergartner, weekend ipad time is golden. Screen time is a privilege that would be lost for doing something like you described, plus getting a scolding from us. |
The other thing you should focus on is why he bit. Was he frustrated? Was he trying to achieve something in particular? Little kids sometimes don't know how to behave properly and we need to teach them how to manage their feelings. Perhaps you could role-play what happened at recess and teach him an appropriate response. We have to keep reminding ourselves that discipline is about teaching not just punishing. |
I would most certainly give an at-home punishment as I want my children to know that I am on the same page as their teacher and that misbehavior in school is wholly unacceptable in our family.
I would also be having my child apologize to the teacher the following day and would work with them to write an apology letter to the other child. |
I agree. If it becomes a regular occurrence and the consequences at school are not preventing the behavior, you can talk with him about a consequences at home. You can also consider incentives at home for good days (keep it simple). When DS was going through the testy stage at 5 we discussed with him consequences for the behaviors that were an issue. For example, hitting his siblings, talking back, or having a bad day at school. He could gain or lose technology time - and he knew and could tell us if we asked him if he had earned it or lost it. |
If it was bad enough for the to call me, I would give my own punishment at home as well. In this case, I would let my child know how disappointed and upset I am and no screen time or threats that day - my child usually gets one threat/day and is allowed some screen time before dinner. |
Truthfully as a kid I was MUCH more scared of being in trouble at home than at school. I would lose dessert/TV privileges/outside play privileges, get yelled at or if I was truly bad a spanking. |