New Money or Tacky

[Anonymous]

I have found myself talking about money quite a bit lately due to lots of new (good) changes in our lives. People talk real estate, school, country club, etc. Instead of being coy I just answer pretty straightforwardly. I try not to volunteer too much. Also, it's pretty easy for other people to look this stuff up (or just ask everyone on DCUM). So is it tacky to talk about what our house was, or fees at the CC or tuition? When people are hinting and asking, how do I be more coy? I am a pretty straightforward person and don't like cutesy stuff. If you want to know I will tell you. Should I be more evasive? Tips please!

[Anonymous]

I just answer honestly. People don't often know the true cost of things and aren't asking to be snarky. I've asked about day care costs from many friends because I'm trying to figure out what would work and what wouldn't.

If they are being snarky you can just ask them "why do you want to know?"

[Anonymous]

If they come right out and ask point blank (which, unless they are very close friends, is tacky), I guess you can answer and then change the subject. If you're just offering this information without people seeking it, then I would say you are bragging and would be turned off.

[Anonymous]

OP do not discuss those personal, financial details. It is crass of someone to ask you directly or indirectly about those matters, and it is beneath you to engage with them on the subject. Remain gracious on the matter and above the fray.

[Anonymous]

Come up with a response not to answer the question. Its crass to talk about. People shouldn't ask you but you shouldn't answer either.

[Anonymous]

People will either dislike you or tap you for money. Don't brag about money.

[Anonymous]

Someone once asked me about my student loans, and I answered (honestly) that I don't have any, basically because they were asking me point blank about them. I felt weird for some reason, because I guess I give people the impression that I am not financially comfortable (DH and I don't wear any brands, our car is crappy, I don't have an engagement ring, DD's stroller is cheap, etc, etc). And the person I was talking to certainly did seem surprised. I try not to talk about these things because they make people feel uncomfortable, or make me feel uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Nothing to offer here, except a little story that makes me cringe to this day:

My daughter was playing on a club soccer team that was full of super rich plastic surgeons' kids. We went to an end of season party, and my husband and I found ourselves in the middle of a real estate conversation with a few of them, talking about their homes/property on the foothills. My husband had had a couple of drinks, and started to ask a question comparing those foothills to another set of foothills across town, but he stuttered and it somehow came out how much did you pay for this house (or something to that effect). The wide eyed shock of the doctor was hilarious and he sputtered a couple of times like he wasn't sure how to answer, until my husband finally spit out the rest of his question and the guy understood his real meaning. I wanted to die right there and hubby to this day says it was one of his most embarrassing moments.

That doc needed DCUM to guide him on how to answer questions from the crass!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing to offer here, except a little story that makes me cringe to this day:

My daughter was playing on a club soccer team that was full of super rich plastic surgeons' kids. We went to an end of season party, and my husband and I found ourselves in the middle of a real estate conversation with a few of them, talking about their homes/property on the foothills. My husband had had a couple of drinks, and started to ask a question comparing those foothills to another set of foothills across town, but he stuttered and it somehow came out how much did you pay for this house (or something to that effect). The wide eyed shock of the doctor was hilarious and he sputtered a couple of times like he wasn't sure how to answer, until my husband finally spit out the rest of his question and the guy understood his real meaning. I wanted to die right there and hubby to this day says it was one of his most embarrassing moments.

That doc needed DCUM to guide him on how to answer questions from the crass!

Foothills? I have not heard anyone refer to foothills since my days back in California. Did this take place back there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing to offer here, except a little story that makes me cringe to this day:

My daughter was playing on a club soccer team that was full of super rich plastic surgeons' kids. We went to an end of season party, and my husband and I found ourselves in the middle of a real estate conversation with a few of them, talking about their homes/property on the foothills. My husband had had a couple of drinks, and started to ask a question comparing those foothills to another set of foothills across town, but he stuttered and it somehow came out how much did you pay for this house (or something to that effect). The wide eyed shock of the doctor was hilarious and he sputtered a couple of times like he wasn't sure how to answer, until my husband finally spit out the rest of his question and the guy understood his real meaning. I wanted to die right there and hubby to this day says it was one of his most embarrassing moments.

That doc needed DCUM to guide him on how to answer questions from the crass!

Foothills? I have not heard anyone refer to foothills since my days back in California. Did this take place back there?

No, Tucson. I bet the foothills homes in CA are even more expensive!

[Anonymous]

"If you don't mind my asking, is $200 a sq ft about right for an extension? That's roughly what we are budgeting" = OK
"How much was your extension?" = Crass
"Do you feel your private was worth the expense?" = OK
"How do you afford NCS?" = Crass
"If you don't mind my asking, did you guys do a DC 529? I've heard mixed things. Any advice?" = OK
"I hear you can do $13,000 each, hit the deductions an the move the funds to a VA plan after 2 years. Is that what you are doing?" = Crass
"This is a beautiful kitchen. I would enjoy making love to your dishwasher" = OK
"Is that a Miele? Well fuck me running, you must had a nice bonus!" = Crass

[Anonymous]

Some of your crass examples are only crass if you just met a new person. But if you are good friends, they seem OK to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of your crass examples are only crass if you just met a new person. But if you are good friends, they seem OK to me.

I can't think of any friend, however close, from whom such questions would be welcome. It is rude and intrusive - in addition to tacky - to ask such questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of your crass examples are only crass if you just met a new person. But if you are good friends, they seem OK to me.

I can't think of any friend, however close, from whom such questions would be welcome. It is rude and intrusive - in addition to tacky - to ask such questions.

Depends on the friend. I have one friend who shares everything - we discuss our salaries, bonuses, 401ks, everything short of handing each other our bank statements.

[Anonymous]

I'm not rich, but if someone asked me how much our preschool tuition was, I'd tell them. I feel like that's something they could easily find out anyway, and it can be valuable to know what other schools charge. If they were thinking of joining the country club (to which I do not belong, but just hypothetically), I'd probably be comfortable sharing the cost, but it's not like I'd tell them without them bringing it up first.

Friends have asked me how much I paid for my house, because I'm a single mom with a single family house in a desirable area, so they're probably trying to figure out how I afforded it. I've shared that when asked, because it's public tax record and they could look it up if they wanted to.