Senior Citizen Parents Getting Divorced
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Anonymous
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My dad decided he wants to live out his golden years in bliss so he left my mom of more than 40 years for a woman in her 30's. He told my mother she could keep everything. He'd continue to pay for everything as usual. In the meantime he went on a shopping spree. He spent their 401k, their stocks, every penny my mom had saved, and racked up $100k in new credit card debt.
Then we found out he had a baby with this woman and he told my mom he needed a quick divorce so he could take an overseas job and take his new family along. My mom agreed to the quick divorce and to settle the finances later. He ended up not going overseas after all. Since he told her she could have everything and he'd keep paying the bills it is baffling that we're fighting over their meager assets now. A modest house ($70k equity), 10 year old cars, and a $200k life insurance policy that my dad had borrowed against so it's probably worth 1/2 it's face value. The debts are the balance of the mortgage and my dad's $100k in credit card debt which he has been paying down for the sake of his baby. My mother meets the 20-20-20 rule for military spouses so she'll get her share of his (enlisted) pension, but he now wants her to take over payments on their house if she wants to keep it. She figures if she refinances for 15 years she'll be able to bring the mortgage down to a manageable amount so she agreed to take over the mortgage. They'll each keep their own car. My mom talked my dad into buying a life insurance policy so she'd be taken care of when he's gone. He told her she's the sole beneficiary with their children (including me) as secondary beneficiaries. My mom had her lawyer put their 3 assets in the property settlement agreement and sent it to his lawyer for him to sign. They objected, but wouldn't say what specifically they objected to. After 2 years of going back and forth with no clarity as to the objectionable wording, we finally found out he's willing to say she is the beneficiary, but unwilling to put it in the PSA. And my father's lawyer thought this was the perfect time to send him his first bill (not sure what the retainer was) for $17k. He just lost his job in October so he is extra BROKE now. His lawyer has started automatic withdrawals from my dad to make sure she gets her money. He and his lawyer have been dragging this out for 2 years over a stupid $200k insurance plan that isn't worth half that much. His lawyer is saying that if my mother doesn't sign they'll take her to court and she'll have to sell the house and she'll have to take half of his $100k debt. She had been planning and saving for retirement and now they're both BROKE. On his attorney's advice my father has stopped paying for any of her expenses to get my mother to sign his proposal. She just found out she's 2 months behind on utilities now. Since the PSA hasn't been filed my mom isn't getting any of his pension yet. She only gets Social Security (of which her share was reduced to accommodate the baby's share). What do you think the odds are that my mother will lose her house and have to take his debt if they go to court? She has been paying her legal bills monthly. Her attorney is very kind and doesn't charge the hot shot fees my father is paying. This is all taking place in Kentucky. This whole thing could have been settled amicably if only my father hadn't hired this overly aggressive lawyer who is determined to leave my mother (and father) penniless. |
Anonymous
| That is so seriously fucked up. Sorry. |
Anonymous
| Wow. I'm sorry that happened to your mom. Your dad is one of the biggest assholes there is. He'll get his. Sorry. |
Anonymous
| Has your dad had a proper physical recently? |
Anonymous
| You shouldn't be posting so much detail on line. |
Anonymous
I agree, but I'm not sorry. He did this to himself. So did your mom, for not getting it in writing when she had the chance. |
Anonymous
Is there a good reason why not? (given that this is anonymous) |
Anonymous
Have a little empathy. |
Anonymous
Meh. Hardly anyone reads DCUM, let alone any given thread. Nothing in the post would turn up in a Google search. |
Anonymous
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Your question is a question for your mom's lawyer. Only that person could really answer for KY law on this subject. I can tell you in my state, there's no way a wife would be held responsible for the cc debt used for a mistress, but that doesn't help you.
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Anonymous
| There's so much involved in this emotionally (like you're about to have a new sibling). Yet, in true DCUM style, you're so focused on the money. That was a post about money, not seniors divorcing. |
Anonymous
This is unfair to OP. They're not fighting about a vacation house; this has serious ramifications for the OP's mother's financial viability. S/he's clearly worried about her. Totally fair. |
Anonymous
| Fan fiction. |
Anonymous
| Money is a big part of a divorce. If you've spent your life planning for your golden years only to have your spouse secretly spend the money, that must bear some weight in court in a divorce case. |
Anonymous
| Is the credit card debt on a joint card or one in your dad's name only? If it is joint, even with the finances settled as part of the divorce, the debt is going to be her responsibility if your dad doesn't pay. In regards to the military pension why hasn't your mom contacted DFAS directly? Your mom may need to work with an attorney with military experience for just that issue. |