Does one have to be "that" person to get ahead?

[Anonymous]

I'm a staff attorney at a big law firm. As we all know, the market is highly competitive as is the environment at work. I am currently assigned to a huge case with another person. I feel like most of our interactions involve him trying to eek out the spot as the "boss" and it is creating a very stressful work situation for me because I don't want to be not perceived as a leader. For example, he is constantly trying to communicate with our partners without copying me (whereas I copy him on everything). The other frustrating thing is that I am more familiar with the substantive issues but he is better at the technology. In my mind this makes us a good team but I always feel like I'm about to get thrown under the bus. Do I complain about this to my partners or do I continue to seek a peaceful joint leadership scenario? How does one come out on top without being "that" person?

[Anonymous]

First up, stop copying him on everything. Women tend to assume everyone is nice and try to collaborate. When dealing with a shark, act like a shark.

Second up, stop the bitching. Nothing more annoying, especially from a female (sexist, but true). I am a woman.

Third up, kick his ass at his own game. My best advice, figure out the kill when he's high on his kite. This is when he will make the mistake. Men love their egos. They are super vulnerable when they think they have it all.

[Anonymous]

you both want to be perceived as the "boss" of the project and like Highlander, "there can be only one."

Deal with him directly to split up a division of labor. Tell him to copy you on all project emails and you'll do the same. Ask him point blank, "Do you have a problem with this?" He'll say and you'll say "good."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First up, stop copying him on everything. Women tend to assume everyone is nice and try to collaborate. When dealing with a shark, act like a shark.

Second up, stop the bitching. Nothing more annoying, especially from a female (sexist, but true). I am a woman.

Third up, kick his ass at his own game. My best advice, figure out the kill when he's high on his kite. This is when he will make the mistake. Men love their egos. They are super vulnerable when they think they have it all.

Good advice. You can be that person without changing who you are. Get some confidence and play the game.

[Anonymous]

I supervise a lot of staff attorneys. I don't care who seems like the boss. I care who seems to get a lot of quality work done without needing much management oversight from me. I'm doubtful this guy is even impressing his bosses. Exercise ownership over your own projects and you will do fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First up, stop copying him on everything. Women tend to assume everyone is nice and try to collaborate. When dealing with a shark, act like a shark.

Second up, stop the bitching. Nothing more annoying, especially from a female (sexist, but true). I am a woman.

Third up, kick his ass at his own game. My best advice, figure out the kill when he's high on his kite. This is when he will make the mistake. Men love their egos. They are super vulnerable when they think they have it all.

Good advice. You can be that person without changing who you are. Get some confidence and play the game.

Playing the game makes you "that" person, which OP doesn't seem to want to be.

[Anonymous]

It really pisses me off when people at work have conversations about work they want me to do, but niether copy or cc me on conversations. i woukd ask your coworker to cc you. Have a conversation about something this coworker spoke to the client about, ask to be cced or forwarded the emails. Keep asking and maybe it will change.

[Anonymous]

At my job - and I admit I'm not in law - there's no faster more universal way to fuck yourself across the org than to try and horde information.

[Anonymous]

This is war. He is the enemy. Deal with him as such. You need to win this war. You will win when you treat him like the enemy he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a staff attorney at a big law firm. As we all know, the market is highly competitive as is the environment at work. I am currently assigned to a huge case with another person. I feel like most of our interactions involve him trying to eek out the spot as the "boss" and it is creating a very stressful work situation for me because I don't want to be not perceived as a leader. For example, he is constantly trying to communicate with our partners without copying me (whereas I copy him on everything). The other frustrating thing is that I am more familiar with the substantive issues but he is better at the technology. In my mind this makes us a good team but I always feel like I'm about to get thrown under the bus. Do I complain about this to my partners or do I continue to seek a peaceful joint leadership scenario? How does one come out on top without being "that" person?

Play back. Cut him out of emails etc.... Or be nice to your new boss