Baby Shower for baby #2

[Anonymous]

We have a soon to be 3yo girl and I am 2.5 months away from my due date with baby #2 (a BOY!). I just assumed we wouldn't have a baby shower because it's baby #2 even though they are different genders, we can still use most of the larger ticket items for our DS. Clothes for our DS and booster seats for our DD are about the only thing we need.

A close friend and co-worker of my DH's just called me today to tell me that she wanted to throw us a baby shower. I hosted a shower for her a year ago, but she was having baby #1. I told her that it was so sweet to think of us, but that I felt bad having a shower for a 2nd baby. She said she wanted to do this for us and she did some research and doesn't think it's bad etiquette to do so. I don't think either of our families will attend as they live out of state, so it would just be friends and coworkers.

What is the consensus on baby showers for baby #2?

Also, I know they are a little strapped for money right now, so when she asked if I had a preference of a location, I offerred our house since it is much closer to all of our friends (and they are renovating to try and sell their place). Is it tacky to have a friend host it at the parents home? My coworkers and friends are a little older than us and more settled families, whereas DH's coworkers/friends are mostly younger, single folks. They host most of their events at bars, where my friends prefer a nice home party over a bar. I'm not sure what to suggest in terms of a location that everyone would be comfortable in and so it doesn't cost her too much. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

A couple of questions through here...
1. I don't think it is tacky to have it hosted at your own home, just so long as you are very careful to NOT do anything. If you bustle around, it may look as though you are "joint-hosting".

2. I have never heard of "shower #2", but I have heard of nice gatherings of women celebrating the Mom...no baby gifts but maybe small things for the mom.

Congratulations

[Anonymous]

There was a posting awhile back about "A Baby Sprinkles" which is a baby shower for #2 ("sprinkles" for being a little lower in hoopla since it's baby #2). If you search that post you'll find different opinions.

Did any of your other friend/coworkers get a second baby shower for their #2? If not, they might feel resentful.

Is this sorta an isolated situation where your friend feels really gun-ho because she's a) a close friend b) trying to reciprocate the shower since you gave her one last year?

If your friend is still super excited about a shower, but you still aren't maybe you could convince her that she could be a greater help by her organizing a list of folks who would be interested in bringing over hot meals, watching child #1 for you for 2 hours, etc.

[Anonymous]

Please don't tell people you need booster seats for your daughter. I always hate it when I'm invited to a shower for #2 and the person has registered/asked for presents for #1.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I'd pass on a shower for #2 - particularly since from your own telling, you're not in desperate need of gifts; you don't have family who would attend; and the individual whose offering to 'throw' the shower isn't really in a great position to do so between financial concerns and home renovations. And if you do it at your own home, there's no way to avoid the impression that YOU are in fact the host/organizer, not your friend.

If there's a desperate need to do something, why don't you suggest that you get a small group of your good friends/coworkers together for an evening out, which is exponentially harder to do after #2.

[Anonymous]

I'm with the PP, no shower for #2.

When people in my office were itching to throw me a shower for #2, I told them I'd rather we just go to lunch or tea to celebrate. It was a nice ladies' tea, no gifts.

I'm sure your friend just wants to celebrate this special time for you, which is special no matter how many babies you have. But you only get one shower!

[Anonymous]

I like what the PP is suggesting! If I were once of your friends who attended shower #1, I would be like hmmmm, another party?

I would suggest a lovely brunch (at a restaurant) with some kind of funny game about names or something goofy. If people give you diapers and what not (I would NEVER show up without a gift) accept it graciously, but please please stress to host NO GIFTS.

Congrats on the upcoming birth and enjoy this time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't tell people you need booster seats for your daughter. I always hate it when I'm invited to a shower for #2 and the person has registered/asked for presents for #1.

Op here - thanks for all of the responses. I tried suggesting a night-out or dinner with just a few close friends, but she didn't seem interested in doing that. Most of my friends have only 1 child, so I haven't seen a trend of 2nd showers or not. I think my friend is sincerely excited for us and likes to do nice things for her friends. Based on your responses, I feel more inclined to at least request that she put no gifts please on the invites.

As for above poster - I had no intention of telling people that I need a booster for DD. We've already bought one for one car and just need to get another for the other car. However, thank you for the advice because sometimes in the moment of these events (and being very pg) you're not always thinking about every detail.

[Anonymous]

I threw a luncheon for a friend having #2--she was having a girl after having a boy. I didn't know her when she had #1, but she became a close friend afterwards as we hung out together with our friends. We did it at a restaurant for lunch and I think she was pretty pleased.

I'm PG with #2 and just found out that it's another girl. In my case, I don't really think a shower is appropriate, but wouldn't turn down a nice celebration lunch with a few close friends.

[Anonymous]

I invited my closest girlfriends over and we noshed on yummy appetizers, had drinks (non-alcoholic of course ) and cooked a few yummy recipes to freeze so I would have some meals for when the baby arrived. It was so much fun to have them over, cook, eat, and hang out. DH took my son out for several hours. It was just a really nice thing to do and so great once the baby came and I didn;t have to worry about cooking for a while.

[Anonymous]

I always hate when people get mad at someone having a shower for baby number two--god forbid someone get something extra. I mean this sincerely by the way.. Just last week I had a friend complain about being invited to one of these sprinkles. I told her that if she couldn't go with happiness then she should not go at all. I also reminded her that celebrating a baby is always a wonderful thing and we shouldn't be keeping tabs on whose had the most parties. Maybe we should just focus on being happy that there are occasions to celebrate. Also--just because you are invited to a shower mean you have to spend a ton. Gosh..you can get a cute outfit at BabiesRUs on sale for a couple a bucks.

So..OP--enjoy your day!!