Who's right? Issue with SIL
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Anonymous
| When my SIL receives an invitation from anyone in the family, she always asks for the date or time to be changed, usually last minute (like a day or two before the party), even though she knew about the event and conflict weeks in advance. Everyone is used to giving in to her, so last minute calls to the other guests advising them of the change is standard. I just received a request for a change, and my DH and I are at odds over it. While, for her, the request is "early," I do not want to contact everyone and ask them to change their plans, and come over for dinner instead of lunch. I'm not doing it. My DH thinks we should, b/c if we don't the whole family will get involved and he just wants to keep the peace. (We declined to change an event in the past, and she told everyone that I didn't like her or the family, and that's why I wasn't being flexible.) I disagree. I think she's rude. So settle this for me: should I give in and change it, or tell her too bad, so sad, stay home? I really don't want to cause family drama, but I don't like being a doormat either. |
Anonymous
| I would have the event as planned and say you couldn't change it but would be happy if she and her kids want to come over for dinner and extend the party, or whatever. There won't be an excuse that you aren't being accommodating but you don't have to inconvenience the rest of the guest list. |
Anonymous
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She's being rude.
But, given the history of everyone giving in, I think DH should say to her clearly once, "Hey, Sis, when we set a date and time for an event, we really mean it. If something comes up and you can't come, we understand, but changing the event around at the last minute because you couldn't reserve the time really isn't fair to us or our other guests. We'll be sorry to miss you at lunch and hope to see you again soon." Bonus: Next family event, reserve the time, and then have other plans, and if the schedule changes at the last minute, say that doesn't work for you and don't go. It's not fair to have all family events up in the air until the last minute because of one flaky family member. Free yourself from that expectation. |
Anonymous
| She is nuts |
Anonymous
| What is her reason for the change? |
Anonymous
|
You lost me in the middle of the first sentence.
Please take a writing course. Good luck. |
Anonymous
|
Sounds like she is the rude one.
But have you heard the expression would you rather be right or be happy? Sure, it's annoying as hell (does she really do it everything, or are you exaggerating?), but would it be easier to let it go and just give in? Or can you reasonably hold your ground? What happened last time, after she told everyone you were the bad one? How was the recovery form that? If you start drawing boundaries, could your family help lead the rest of the family to a better place, or is it going to lead to all out war? |
Anonymous
| I would refuse to change it. You picked the day and time (meal) to host that works for you. If she can't make it, she can't make it. |
Anonymous
Posts like these are really annoying. |
Anonymous
| There is no way I would change it. Why should 10 other people (I'm guessing) be inconvenienced because of her. Unless she had a funeral to go to, I wouldn't change it. Screw her. |
Anonymous
OP's post was perfectly clear. Please work on your reading comprehension issues. Good luck. OP, if this were a one-time request, I'd honor it, but since this is a recurring issue, I'd tell her that you're very sorry, but you can't accommodate her. End of story. If she/other family members get pissed, who cares? She's the one being rude. |
Anonymous
| I would tell her sadly you can't change it as you have other evening plans. You hope she is able to make it at the set time. |
Anonymous
|
I can't imagine rescheduling things around one guest (unless the event was something centered around that guest, like a retirement party or something!)
I'd start making any events she's invited to open house style where she can drop in at a time that suits her and no one is inconvenienced by her. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like she's a drama queen/energy vampire and everyone gives in to her, not sure why. But if you can deal with the whining from the family, I'd stop accomodating her and just say no, sis, that change doesn't work for us but we'd be glad to see you (earlier/later that day or insert another day that works for you, if you're willing to see her another time). |
Anonymous
|
I think it would depend on the situation. If the same 10 family members always got together on Thanksgiving every year and there was a time conflict for one of them (maybe the invitation was for 3:00 but that family member had to go into work at 3:00) I might be more receptive to changing the time of the meal - moving it to 12 instead of 3.
If this particular family member is simply the type who expects the world to revolve around her VIP status - I might be less likely to accommodate. |