How to encourage DH to lose weight when it's a sensitive issue?

[Anonymous]

DH has gained weight, esp. since DC was born. Any ideas on how to subtly and politely encourage him to lose weight? He has no time to exercise, but really could improve his eating habits (eating less and eating healthier). He also is an emotional eater and is under a lot of stress, and so it's a deeper issue than just eating. When I bring it up, he tends to get insulted and offended.

[Anonymous]

Could you exercise together? Cook together?

[Anonymous]

I don't really think there is anything you can do but support him in whatever steps he wants to take.

[Anonymous]

dance class? healthy cooking class? partner yoga? do something fun together!

[Anonymous]

My DH only gets motivated when he sees me dieting/increasing activity. If I bring it up -- forget it.

[Anonymous]

I'd start working out, once he see's how good you look, and how much more energy you'll have...it will be contagious.

[Anonymous]

You'll have to do it as a family activity. Lifetime Fitness offers child care so you can ride the treadmills, whatever, together. Then take the baby for a swim...

[Anonymous]

I used to work out in a gym. That stopped when my baby was born. Instead, I walk around a local lake with the baby in the stroller. Could you do something like this each day and encourage your husband to join you?

[Anonymous]

Who does the food shopping?

My DH lost weight when he started focusing on eating "real food." We buy hardly any processed food and cook things from scratch. He was a fanatic about it. I never read the books, but after several months of eating like this - and not even trying to lose - I've lost 10 pounds. And I've lost my taste for junk food entirely.

We still eat all kinds of things, even cookies. It's just that we bake them from real ingredients. It's a family activity, and family change, that you can undertake as a "hey, we should eat whole grains, etc., for our health" without focusing on weight at all.

[Anonymous]

Please don't make it about eating. Make it about the underlying issues you'lve mentioned - how you can help and support him. The eating is only a symptom of stress and/or pain. That's why the posts about "he'll see how good you look - it will be contagious" don't reflect the reality you've described.

I went through this for two years with a serious boyfriend, and recognized too late that it was straight-up depression. Now, years later, he has worked through those issues, changed jobs, etc., and looks better than ever.

In the meantime, continue your healthy habits, don't keep junk food in the house, and encourage walks with your family, but please don't think talking about or even "gently" focusing on "losing weight" or encouraging him to go to the gym will help him. It will only make him feel more overwhelmed, sad, insecure, and potentially unloved.

Again, you are noticing these issues now, it's time to begin serious communications with him about his life and happiness before it gets worse.

[zumbamama]

my coworker and his wife lost 10 pounds each when they began taking ballroom dancing classes. It was not geared toward fitness or eating healthy...but it got them moving for two hours twice a week, and sparked a bit of romance too! They are over 60 and aww...it's so cute to watch them!

[Anonymous]

As someone who has battled weight my entire life. You cannot make him lose the weight. He has to want to do it for himself. You can be there when he decides he wants to and support him every step. But , you cannot make him.

[Anonymous]

8:00 here,
I had good success with weightwatchers online. If you join and try to shop/cook/track/portion according to their website, you might help him. Give him healthy choices at home. Go for walks.

You can't make him. It has to be a family lifestyle change.

So many husbands make this complaint about their wife, about weight. And I always think, "yes, but what are YOU doing to help?" Help relieve stress, help encourage activities, help prepare healthy meals, help with shopping.... You have an opportunity to help him and yourself here. His health is an issue too, not just weight. Stress plus pounds is dangerous. There's got to be a way you can help him make time to exercise.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the posters who think you should focus on the underlying issues. I wouldn't push going to a gym or anything that obvious. He knows he is overweight. He doesn't need you to tell him that.

Instead, I like the ideas of (1) going on long family walks, (2) cooking / making healthy meals (i.e., more yummy salads, don't buy junk food, etc.) and (3) limiting alcohol. I don't know if your DH is a drinker, but if he is, cutting out alcohol during the week will make a HUGE difference. I always thought it completely unfair that my DH could just stop drinking beer for a couple of weeks and lose 15 lbs. Alas, not so much for me!

[Anonymous]

Put up a shirtless picture of Brad Pitt on the fridge! YES!