Long term stay with brother and his family, help with childcare -good idea or not?

[Anonymous]

We are going through a rough patch in marriage, so I am contemplating staying long term with my brother who lives in another state. He is married with 2 kids, who are about the same age as my son; we don't see each other often but get along well.

He has a loft where I could stay for free (bathroom, openspace, kitchenette) - but probably there will be commotion in the mornings and evenings with kids and adults going back and forth.

They do need help with childcare which I could provide (drop off, pick up, dinner, some supervision after pickup).
I SAH so will depend on H for income for some time (until I land a job), he is willing to pay for food and part time childcare (but who knows what happens later?)
Is it a good idea to go stay with my brother's family for say 6 months? Will it help sort things out if I do therapy? Or am I better off staying put?

thanks

[Anonymous]

Stay put, you will be putting yourself in a bigger divide with your spouse if you leave. He will also think your brother will provide for you. If you go down the divorce route and have to sell your house, then move in but your brother may end up depending on you too much and if you leave suddenly, it could ruin your relationship. Not to be too negative but it may even come out in court later that spouse won't have to pay higher because you live in such accommodations too. Stay put for now and work on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Stay, unless your husband is abusing you and/or making your home unsafe. Your kid needs his father everyday.

Have you gone to therapy? If not, get there now.

[Anonymous]

I would stay. If you leave then you need to talk to a lawyer about the ramifications o leaving the marital home and the legality of moving your child to another state. Your husband may be nice and playing fair now but what if he stops?

If you do move in with your brother then you will need to be a contributing member of the household and help with drop off and pick up. I can't imagine that they would ask you to watch children full-time. They know your situation isn't forever and prob wouldn't want to lose their spot at daycare. Plus, you'll need to be looking for a job.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. I was concerned about 3 things: keeping an eye on things at home; changes for my son; possible resentment between brother's family and me (too much or too little supervision; not enough input; other small things that always come up when people live together).

Yes of course I would not do full time childcare of 3 kids (not that anyone wants me to do it anyway) and I would be looking for a job. But I guess it is not in the cards anyway.

[Anonymous]

I am confused. What would your plan be for your child? That seems unfair to uproot your child if he is comfortable at home and it seems unfair to leave him and care for someone else's child. Try thearpy first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am confused. What would your plan be for your child? That seems unfair to uproot your child if he is comfortable at home and it seems unfair to leave him and care for someone else's child. Try thearpy first.

My plan was to take the child with me. Thanks for your feedback.
I am a bit confused right now and needed some perspective. I am staying put.