daycare vs nanny share

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are starting to waitlist ourselves for daycares for our first child--we expect we'll need care 3-4 days a week. We'll be starting care at 6 months.

We visited our first daycare yesterday and honestly, I found the infant room pretty depressing. I'm not sure what I was expecting--but it just felt very institutional, all these cribs lumped together, one child crying in a bouncy seat and getting no attention while two other babies were being fed. This daycare comes highly recommended, but I'm wondering whether to consider a nanny share situation, at least for the first year or so.

What do you think about the pros and cons of daycares versus nanny-shares? Our baby would have to be cared for out of the house b/c I work from home, and cannot see being here while he/she is here as well, and managing to get any work done. I think my big worry with the nanny share is that it could fall apart anytime, it just doesn't have the same level of certainty as a daycare. But I don't know if that's enough of a reason not to do it.

We don't need to look for nanny shares yet--but I'm wondering what you guys think.

[Anonymous]

One thing to consider - you say you are thinking about a nanny share "for a while" - terminating a nanny who loves your child (and who your child loves) is tough to do. We have considered switching from nanny-share to daycare for our now 18 mo son but ultimately decided not to break up something that is working.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, that's a very good point. I definitely wouldn't end a nanny share situation that was working well. I guess what I was trying clumsily to say (or really, thinking but not expressing) is that my worries about daycare are mainly in the infant period--once the little one is walking and starting to talk, I think the socialization daycare provides is great and I'd be less concerned about using a daycare then. But then, I'm utterly inexperienced with all of this and may not know what I'm talking about.

[Anonymous]

Another option to consider is an in-home daycare. It's sort of a half-way between day care and nanny share. Since you need the care to be outside your home, it might be worth looking into.

[Anonymous]

You may want to try and join an expecting mom's group or create one of your own through this list to possibly get to know someone else who is expecting who you could work with to find a nanny.

Some of the differences are likely to be:

1. nanny share will cost more than daycare
2. child will get sick less often in nanny-share
3. nanny will follow your feeding schedule, nap schedule etc. while daycare will have to used schedule that works to the benefit of all children in the daycare

There will be more work on your part initially to form the nannyshare and to deal with the tax issues, but there are lots of people who have been in nannyshares that have lasted a long time.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what nannyshares do when a child is sick, but daycares will want you to keep the child home (on the other hand, if your nanny is sick, someone will have to stay home instead).

A nannyshare will give your child more one on one time.

I'm not sure kids get socialization benefits from daycare before 2.5-3.5.

[Anonymous]

You should poke around the archives of the general parenting thread, the daycare thread, and the nanny thread - obviously there has been tons of discussion around these issues on these boards and elsewhere. You'll find defenders of all different kinds of care... for the sake of brevity - since most of the arguments have already been had on those other threads - I'd just say that it's hard to develop a firm ranking system. You need to assess the pros and cons of a specific daycare (inhome or center) vs. the pros/cons of a specific nannyshare setup (ages/proximity/other issues) as well as the personality of the kids and parents involved. For each person and each setting those lists are going to differ.

[Anonymous]

I think the 14:27 PP said it well, but just to give you my experience... I could have written the OP's post. Daycares scared me a little, and nearing the end of my maternity leave, it became apparent we wouldn't get into any of the centers we were waitlisted for. As luck would have it, my neighbor was pregnant and approached me about a nanny share, which we ended up doing until my son was almost 1 yo (at which we moved and put him in an in-home daycare). There are pros and cons to the nanny share-- The pros are that it was wonderful to keep my son at home his first year, he got personalized attention, could stick to our routines, and he rarely got sick. The biggest con was issues with the nanny-- She was young and though she took great care of the babies, she was immature and called in sick a lot, which was hard for us. Overall, however, I am grateful to have kept my son home his first year and with #2 now on the way, don't think I could put a baby in a daycare. (nothing against those who do, it's just my preference). So for me the nanny share was the best option for my son as a baby, though you definitely need to find a good, reliable person. And starting my son at his in-home daycare at 1 yo was a great time, as he was older and a bit more "independent" yet was little enough that the transition was pretty easy.

That being said, a small in-home daycare for an infant would prob. work well too, giving your baby more personal attention and also give you more flexibilty than a center would in terms of only needing part-time care. (Most centers will charge you full-time for a slot in the infant room, whereas every in-home daycare I looked into was willing to let me pay less for using less days). An in-home daycare would also be your cheapest option.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Go with your gut! There are tons of pros and cons of each option. just want to chip in and say that nanny shares don't have to be more expensive than daycare. we live near cc children's center and our nanny share is less than the infant room there.

Fwiw, our experience with nanny sharing over the past 2 years has been fantastic. the nanny is wonderful, the family (who we found on dcum) has been great, and their little girl is like a sister to our son. DS shares so much better and is so much more social than my friends' kids with their own nannies.

[Anonymous]

I wrote an article on the pros and cons of in-home care vs daycare vs other care: http://workingmoms.about.com/od/childcareissues/a/choosingcare.htm

My gut says you should look for another daycare. There are wonderful ones out there. Trust your instinct and don't put your child in a depressing daycare! The vibe you get from the teachers is huge.

That said, I know plenty of people who had long-term stable nanny shares. You just have to vet any situation very carefully.

[Anonymous]

Ditto what PP said. Also, in a good daycare, the teachers are going to be more trained and know more about child development than a nanny.