What challenges to expect at work after maternity leave?

[Anonymous]

I am returning to an intense work environment soon after a 5-mo. long maternity leave. What are the main challenges I should expect, and what was your experience during the first couple weeks? Our baby probably will be in daycare. Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I just returned a few weeks ago after being off for 12 weeks with my third child. For me, it took about two or three days to get back into the work mentality. Then it took about three weeks before we were functioning well together at home both in the morning and at night and would have taken longer had I not been very vigilant about dealing with all of the challenges that we were facing and developing new routines that worked for our new lifestyle.

The weirdest thing though was that for some reason, everyone at work thought that because I just had 12 weeks off that I would be really rested and excited to be back to work. Nothing could have been farther from the truth - I was neither rested nor happy that I had to return to work. Although this is not supposed to happen, a few times it was said that I should be the one to take on special projects and to change my schedule because I just had all of this time off. That calmed down after a few weeks and now things are pretty much back to normal at work.

Depending on how you feel about daycare and wanting to return to work, it can be pretty emotional. I cried more before I returned than after. Once I got back, I was teary for the first day. Then for another two or three, I was teary when I left home in the morning.

I hope this goes well for you.

[Anonymous]

Day care can often mean a sick baby, so I would be prepared to have alternate care available and/or be ready and able to take some additional time off. I too returned when my son was 4 months old, and he got his first cold/ear infection/croup about a month after he started day care. My son was sick once a month for most of his first year. It sucked, but he's doing much better now.

I am lucky that I work for a family friendly employer. I took a lot of work home at night to work on after my son went to sleep, to make up for either missed sick time, or just to finish stuff I would have otherwise stayed late to work on.

If you pick a day care you are comfortable with, that really helps ease the transition pain, in my opinion. I called at noon each day for a week (the first week was the hardest for me) to check up on him. After that, it got easier, especially since he was happy when I dropped him off and happy when I picked him up.

I don't compromise leaving work at 5pm -- ever. I was "never" one of those clock watchers who left on time. While I feel a bit guilty about it, I remind myself I worked 20 years before having this child and put in serious overtime/weekends at all my jobs. I hope being able to leave on time is some sort of karmic payback for being a hard worker. But dinner time together as a family is very important to me and we keep a pretty good routine at nights, which is fun for all of us. Dinner/play/books/bath/bed.

Good luck with everything.

[Anonymous]

Hi there - I went back to work after 4.5 months at home with my baby boy - the most important thing to me was peace of mind with daycare - make sure you have good. safe daycare for your baby. Then when I started back in the office I surrounded myself with photos of my little one - made me feel better. Just be level headed about the reasons for your return to work and remember that it is better for baby to be in daycare than around you all day due to the immune system being stimulated - yes, this means more colds etc. but I have it on very good authority that a stimulated immune system is safer for your infant in the long term.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm in the same boat and am interested in hearing how you handled pumping (in terms of office politics/working around meetings/deadlines, etc.). I'm going to be at a new job so it will be extra challenging!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I'm in the same boat and am interested in hearing how you handled pumping (in terms of office politics/working around meetings/deadlines, etc.). I'm going to be at a new job so it will be extra challenging!

Pumping at work can be tricky, especially if you don't have your own office or a nice clean, comfy place to pump (i.e., not a bathroom). I actually think it is better to be upfront about it. Pumping at work is not a new thing anymore (though it may be at your office) and if you explain what you are doing, but be discreet, I think it is easier for everybody.

[Anonymous]

if you are going back to your same employer after a maternity leave, be ready for this one:

Everyone just thinks of you as the mom who just had the baby, not really as a strong performer if you are/were one. You'll get the question "how's the little one" a lot, especially from those who can't remember the baby's name. For me, this is a hard thing to get used to, and I try and pick and chose who I talk to about the baby or my home life, because I don't want that to be the first thing that people think about me at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you are going back to your same employer after a maternity leave, be ready for this one:

Everyone just thinks of you as the mom who just had the baby, not really as a strong performer if you are/were one. You'll get the question "how's the little one" a lot, especially from those who can't remember the baby's name. For me, this is a hard thing to get used to, and I try and pick and chose who I talk to about the baby or my home life, because I don't want that to be the first thing that people think about me at work.

I dunno about this. If you have been out for an extended period on leave, it's just polite for your co-workers to ask about your child. Assuming that your colleagues think that you are no longer a great performer because they ask about your "little one" is really quite a stretch. Perhaps, there is more there is your office than you have recited in your post, but based on the post alone, I disagree. I put asking about the little one in the same category as commenting on the weather or asking how was your weekend.

I had the opposite experience about the strong performer thing though. Everyone thought I would want to dive right back into the craziness despite coming back at a reduced schedule.

I just wanted to state something in contrast to poster number 1 who needed just a few days, apparently, to get back into it. It took me nearly six months -- which is when I stopped Bfing/pumping and the baby started sleeping through the night.

[Anonymous]

I agree with other posters who said it's important to feel comfortable about who is caring for your child while you're at work. Also, for me it was a bit of an adjustment to go from being the high-achieving, go-the-extra-miler I was pre-baby to being the one who leaves right on time every day, doesn't travel, and doesn't volunteer for any projects that will require extra time at the office. No one has complained about it, but it is something I grapple with personally. I look for ways to be as productive as possible with the time I do spend at work, and I get stuff done on the metro or after my DD is asleep. But it is still an adjustment.

On the flip side, I thought I would struggle with being away from my DD, but it has been better than I had thought. Spending some time away from her (I work 4 days a week) makes me so glad to see her when I get home. I feel like I'm more patient with her and really make the time we have together special. So, despite the challenges, me going back to work has been good for me as a wife and mom--I'm much saner and happier this way. But I know not everyone feels this way, and some women feel really conflicted about returning to work.

[Anonymous]

I am back at work on a flexible schedule (8-4.30). I was just talking about how stressful this is with a colleague today. We are in a team made up mostly of men with one single girl and one other girl who does not yet have kids so leaving early with your head held high can be a challenge. We are the only two with kids (though I am more senior), so she also leaves at 4.30. She has not been promoted since she started this schedule and our boss has told her that this is the reason. When I asked my boss for this schedule he told me immediately that it would affect my future chances for promotion. His words were "you just cannot get ahead here by leaving at 4.30". As unfair as this is, since all of our other colleagues come in an hour to an hour and a half after us so leaving at 5.30 or 6 o'clock does not mean they are working harder than us, that is the perception. Face time is all too important. A few colleagues have dropped hints about my schedule and one colleague actually told me that our boss had said (after I had to leave a work HAPPY HOUR at 5.15 to attend back to school night) that I was one for not working late. I don't see myself as having a choice because my family comes first and although they pay lip service to work-life balance where I work (my boss is a big talker about work-life balance) in reality it is very difficult especially if you are in a vaguely senior role..

[Anonymous]

Actually, for me, the hardest adjustment was having people realize I need to leave on time. My very first day back my boss kept saying "I really hate to make you work late on your first day back", waiting for me to say "no problem" I kept repeating "I can no longer work late." I found, for me, I had to be strong up front. I've heard people say that if you give in once, it will always be expected. Honestly, I ususually had to work late in the past because of inefficiencies - of other people. Now that they know I need to leave on time, they get me stuff to review (or read, or whatever) earlier. Or I take it home to do at night (and then I can get so much more done without distractions).

[Anonymous]

For me, the biggest challenge has been dealing with my child getting sick in daycare. It often happens without much warning and I feel like Imiss a lot of work. I work in an office with less than 5 people - so it is really obvious when one person is missing. My husband and I try and swap off who has to stay home. It is hard getting a call in the middle of the day saying you have to pick them up because they are sick. I feel like people now think that I am sometimes unreliable even though I busted my butt for 10 year and never called in sick myself unless I was truly unable to function. We got into a routine pretty quickly which involves getting everything ready the night before - even pickout out my clothes.

[Anonymous]

I just returned to work 3 weeks ago, and I'm still trying to get back to normal. One thing that's been hard is I'm often out of the loop on things that I should be involved in. They were used to handling things without me for 3 months, so some of the tasks that used to be mine are still being given to others. I found out about a few things after the fact and had to go to people and say, hey, I'm back and that stuff should come back to me now. I'm being proactive about it so that nobody thinks I'm trying to get out of doing work.

[Anonymous]

I think the hardest thing is that every office thinks they are "family friendly" but many are really not.

I worked for a woman who had a small child and the things that I saw her do in favor of work vs her child were very concerning to me. Then it was becoming expected that that I follow her model. She would complain that she had to leave work in the middle of the day to go and see her kids school holiday show. Seriously...

I was also told when I was pregnant that I could work from home 1-2 days per week and a month before I had my son she told me she changed her mind.

After about a year and a half after I went back to work...I went to work for someone that had grown children and she is much more flexible with me. Last week I left for about an hour to go to my son's thanksgivign lunch and told her that I would meet her at another business lunch. She told me that if I wanted to stay at my son's school that it was not a problem. I stayed as long as I could at the lunch and when they went down for naps, I went on to my work lunch.

I am not saying that age or anything else plays an issue...I am just saying that everyone will tell you that they are family friendly and they believe that they are family friendly...but everyone has a different definition of what that means and you might not find that out until after you go back to work.

[Anonymous]

I was surprised by how cognitive inefficienet I was...but that went away in about 3 weeks. Combination of being tired, hormonal and distracted by thought of baby away from me...it all settled in, as it always does...good for you, 'tho, for tyring to think ahead...good luck!