When does sex pain subside after delivering??

[Anonymous]

DH and I tried for the first time following my delivering 5 months ago. I immediately started crying as soon as he started to put it in (sorry for the graphic details). He obviously stopped because I was so emotionally & physically uncomfortable. Not sure if the tears were due to emotional trauma or physical pain. Brief background info: I was in labor for almost 28 hours, total pushing time was 6 hours which ended in 4th degree tears. It is so strange because, all I could think about was my DS and how that was how he was created and got horrific images of me pushing for hours. Is this common and will this subside on it's own or do I need to be proactive and get some lubricate gel or talk to my OB.

[Anonymous]

5 months is a long time to still be in pain. We tried after 6 weeks, still hurt, waited another week, used lots of lube and it hurt but went slow. By week 10, with lube, it was ok. My DS is 6 months old now and whenever he naps on the weekends...we get busy.

I would try again in a week, slow, with lots and lots of lube. It can be emotional..but if after a few tries it still hurts this bad..call your doctor. maybe something didn't heal correctly?

[Anonymous]

The first time can be tough and it might be too soon to jump to conclusions. You may want to try some other experiments....hopefully you get my drift here .....to see if you can sort of stretch back into normal range again comfortably.

I know there are physical therapists who actually specialize in women's health - you can find some patient information at http://www.womenshealthapta.org/plp/index.cfm.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

you had a 4th degree tear. talk to your ob just to get some insight. 4th degree tear is pretty significant. your ob would be best position to know what other women with 4th degree tears experience with sex after the baby's born.

[Anonymous]

I only had a second degree tear and I have to say LOTS of lube was necesary, for awhile after. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you also have some emotional issues that can contribute to the pain. I sympathize. My first time after my c-section I also cried, because I could see the scar and felt so ugly and un-sexy. Hearing the baby sniffling on the monitor and thinking baby thoughts also put me out of the mood.

I would talk to your OB, but also try to ease back into it slowly with your husband. Start off with just some naked cuddle time and massage to get back into the groove with adult touch. Play music, or a sexy movie, in the background and really try to get your mind in gear and think un-baby thoughts. Its hard, but I think especially for women we have to work super-hard to switch gears into sexy land.

And use lots of lube. Its still not great for me and I have issues, not sure if its the c-section or breastfeeding that is contributing to my dryness factor. I'm 4 months pp.

Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

If you are BF'ing, it completely changes your hormones, and essentially your body produces NO lubrication and you are hyper-sensitive (not in a good way). But PP advice about seeing the OB is good, if you are concerned.

[Anonymous]

OP, I could have written your post (except for the tears--I had about 30 hours of labor and ended up with a C-section). We first tried having sex 6 weeks post-partum, but it was so painful and emotional for me that we had to stop. Subsequent tries were a little better emotionally, but still very painful. I'm not sure why, but, like you, I kept having flashbacks of my horrific birthing experience, and that made the pain much worse. I had planned for a natural birth, and I think I really hadn't processed my disappointment with how it went. It helped me to talk these feelings through with my husband, and for several weeks we were intimate in other ways that didn't involve penetration. That helped me to start feeling sexy again and to avoid the anxiety I would feel about the pain of sex. I also spoke to my very caring midwife about these issues. One thing she recalled that might be relevant for you was that I had been positive for Group B Strep when I gave birth. She said that I might still have Group B Strep and that it might be causing some pain for me. She prescribed a cream that I used for seven days, and it did seem to help some. She said some people just naturally get Group B Strep pretty regularly, and that I might want to consider taking an antibiotic to prevent it. Sex is still not great for me (I'm 4 months post-partum now), but much better than before. I second others' suggestion to use lots of lubricant and go slowly. Also, as much as possible, try to make it romantic--bubble bath, candles, lingerie, etc. have been good for us. Good luck to you. I know how painful this can be.

[Anonymous]

Don't mean to scare you but I wanted to let you know that there is a condition called vulvodynia. You may want to google it and see if the description fits your symptoms. (Also look for "vestibulitis"). There are few doctors equipped to helped- but there are some out there. There is a vulvodynia yahoo group that may have helpful information.

[Anonymous]

I am 4 months pp and I was about to write a post about how long it will hurt! I don't really have the psychological trauma, but I have to say it is really hard and sometimes discouraging getting used to my new body with sex. I had a c-section, and I am breastfeeding and I am super dry. My boobs feel floppy and heavy since I am still breastfeeding and I wear a tank top while having sex, something I never would have done before. Last night we had sex and even though I thought we used a lot of lube I think we got a little caught up in the moment, and was bleeding after! I am raw and sore today. I often don't have any libido at all, and when I do, I sometimes start out really into it and then the thought of actual sex makes me want to stop. My husband has been great but I still feel sort of disappointed and confused. I know my body will keep changing but its frustrating.

So, I guess, thats all to say that you are not alone!

[Anonymous]

I know everybody is trying to help the original poster, but this is not just about emotions and normal post-baby changes to a woman's body. She says she had a 4th degree tear. This is a tear that includes not just the perineum but extends to and involves the external and internal anal sphincters. In other words, a very very bad tear. The surgical repair of this kind of tear is complex. She needs to talk to her OB.

To the original poster, I'm sorry you had to go through this horrible tear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are BF'ing, it completely changes your hormones, and essentially your body produces NO lubrication and you are hyper-sensitive (not in a good way). But PP advice about seeing the OB is good, if you are concerned.

That was my very first thought too - although we mommies on the board are not a substitute for your doctor's advice. I had significant tearing with my first one too - never heard it described as degree, but suffice to say that having given birth to 3 now, the first one was a doozie!

KY is your friend, especially because you don't lube yourself well when breastfeeding.

Go slow, have some foreplay in there, maybe use some digits at first (sorry to be graphic back at you ) and allow yourself to fail another time or two. If you do fail, definitely time to talk to your MD - 5 months is not normal for a couple to not be able to be intimate and you need to take those first steps here.

[Anonymous]

Agree w/ LOTS of lube and also you should start on top so you can control the "entry" - once you are "warmed up" you can switch to other positions. We are still doing these things 8 months post-partum and I had an "easy" delivery...