How do you keep financial stresses from ruining your marriage?

[Anonymous]

My husband took a pay cut for a new job last year for more opportunity and better benefits. I work as well (although not technically full time) and about 2 months ago my hours and salary were cut in half bc the business I work for isn't doing well. I am trying to pick up some extra work to supplement that lost income but it's put such a strain on our marriage. I resent my husband for not making more and he resents me because I work in an unstable industry (restaurants) and is upset that we are dipping into savings. I think we are just both so frustrated with the situation. Even though we are cutting back as much as possible we are still taking a big hit. How can we ride out this storm better? I hate that I feel like this towards him but sometimes I can't help it

[Anonymous]

My husband works 80 hours a week and I say at home with our 4 children. We live paycheck to paycheck. I am, however, in school full time and our plan has always been when our youngest hits grade school that I will go back to work.

As a husband, I know that my man takes pride in providing and feels like it is his fault since we scram most months. However, I work hard at reminding him that it isn't his fault and that I appreciate how hard he works to make the ends meet. My husband works in a career that doesn't provide much salary. He will never make over $100K and even when I work, I won't make much either. However, I keep reminding him that we have all that we need and a little of what we want, which is fine.

Every now and then, we both get sick of where we are at financially. We look around and see what everyone else has, where they are vacationing, how much money they have saved, the new car they just bought and we become bitter. However, quickly we remind ourselves of how truly blessed we are. 4 healthy kids, 1 job that is incredibly stable and I am getting my education. Our current situation won't change tomorrow but this is not our forever.

Hold your head high. Support your husband for the career change that he made. For me, my husband loves what he does and I would never belittle him for the money that he isn't making. Instead, I choose to build him up for working his ass off, even if that is for pennies compared to most. Look for a job. Go back to school. Start watching children. Sell things you don't need. If you don't have enough gas to go like you did, then stay home. Cut out cable. Look at your cell phone bills and utility bills-- call them to negotiate.

You can do this. The storm will pass. Hold on to each other. Sunshine is coming...

[Anonymous]

OP, a few questions. First, is your husband doing a job that lights him up, or is he the same monkey he always was but with more hours and less money? As for you, restoraunts are everywhere, might you need to view your extra work as the main course v. a suplement? Is your husband upset because your hours are not compitable with family life, i.e. you're working evenings and weekends? Why exactly are you resentful about his salary? Neither of you is wrong for wanting what you want, but you two do need to get a handle on what exactly the issues are. As for dipping into savings, when and why are you doing this? The answer matters. Are you dipping into savings because the furnace blew, or are you dipping into savings for your monthly expenses that won't go away? Expenses such as food, entertainment utilities? I disagree with the pp that said this storm will pass. It will, but you two may need to work to make it pass. The answer is all in the details.