Single parent, frequent west coast visits

[Anonymous]

Single parent here. No family in DC whatsoever.

We've been flying out to see my family ever two months since the split from my ex. It's been helpful in letting me heal and help us feel like part of a family again.

Has anyone else flown this significantly? A part of me thinks about the money I'm spending doing this, but it feels liks something we need to do despite the expense.

[Anonymous]

That is outrageously excessive. Have you heard of this new thing called Skype? Or this other thing called self-reliance?

You should take the money you spend on flying and put it towards a good therapist who will help you learn to rely on yourself. You should take the time you'd save from staying home and invest in forming relationships with people around you - creating and gathering your village. Friends become the family you've chosen.

You are your own little family! Just because one person left doesn't mean the entire family no longer exists!

Love,
Another single parent who has no family around and yet manages to make her child feel like she has family with her.

[Anonymous]

How old is DC? I'm sorry OP. sounds like tough times. Hope you can feel better locally.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with 11:35. I think it is fine. OP never said it was a permanent situation. Do it now if it make you feel more comfortable. At some point, the expense and/or the sheer number of traveling hours will catch up with you and you'll scale it back. Sounds like a stressful time. Just do whatever get you through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with 11:35. I think it is fine. OP never said it was a permanent situation. Do it now if it make you feel more comfortable. At some point, the expense and/or the sheer number of traveling hours will catch up with you and you'll scale it back. Sounds like a stressful time. Just do whatever get you through it.

+1 do what you need to do to help you through this change. Good luck, OP

[Anonymous]

Do what makes you feel good.
Can your family ever travel out here, though, just to give you a break?

[Anonymous]

I feel ya OP - even though I'm still married, ALL my family is on the west coast and so DC and I fly out there for every school break - so much that it's becoming a problem. and while I am there, DH is here. So i feel like a single parent- DH is a total no-show.

No advice- but good luck.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PPs.

My family has also been traveling here a lot especially to be supportive of us.

The real reason I keep traveling is that my child asks to see my family. Asks to fly there. It's hard to describe, but we are both so happy there with them. I'm sad that there is little to no prospect of me moving closer.

[Anonymous]

OP, If you can afford the travel and it is helping you and your child then do it.

Hopefully over time you'll build some support networks that are more local but if your family is loving and helpful then by all means you should spend time with them. Will you regret spending the money? I doubt it.

All the best to you.

[Anonymous]

For those of you that have built those support networks locally how did you do it? I have many friends here, but most also have family here. So on holidays, etc if we don't travel it's just us. I feel isolated still because I have few friends in my exact location (many are 20-30 min drive away). I've tried hanging out in the area parks, but it's like many parents don't take their kids to parks anymore. Usually I meet care takers or nannies between 5:30 and 6:30pm.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child, OP? That might help us give you ideas about how to connect up with other families. I've found that there are lots of people in DC with no family in the area, so it's a question of you hooking up with friends like that for holidays.

If the divorce is fresh, then keep flying to visit your folks. That will taper off eventually. How come you can't move to be near them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child, OP? That might help us give you ideas about how to connect up with other families. I've found that there are lots of people in DC with no family in the area, so it's a question of you hooking up with friends like that for holidays.

If the divorce is fresh, then keep flying to visit your folks. That will taper off eventually. How come you can't move to be near them?

My child is almost 5. I can't move to be near them because my ex will never allow us to leave with permission. At the moment I also wouldn't have the cash to duke it out in court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single parent here. No family in DC whatsoever.

We've been flying out to see my family ever two months since the split from my ex. It's been helpful in letting me heal and help us feel like part of a family again.

Has anyone else flown this significantly? A part of me thinks about the money I'm spending doing this, but it feels liks something we need to do despite the expense.

Single mom who is doing the same from overseas. We're heading back next week, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We video chat and all that but nothing beats time spent with family. My child is used to lots of quality time with the family and I didn't want that to take a hit because of my job moving. My expenses here are less than in DC. Aside from the holidays, we will probably be in DC for long weekends every 8 weeks or so as well. So you're not alone, OP.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I forgot to add that this isn't something I bemoan. I am happy that DC looks forward to spending time with the family like I did. I have really good friendships but my friends are close with their families too. We would be welcomed for the holidays in other peoples homes, but it would probably cause me loneliness. I have no desire to spend holidays with anyone other than our family.

If you can't afford the expense, that's one thing. I can, for now anyway. Life is precious and we certainly won't regret it years from now when our loved ones have passed on.