All I do is correct, and then end up yelling all the time...

[Anonymous]

My son, 2.5, is a handful, to say the least. He can be a wonderful, smiley boy, happy, etc. He's bright and very verbal. I am a SAHM with him and his sister (6 weeks). For the past couple of months, I feel like all I do is correct him, he ignores me, I get immensely frustrated, and then end up yelling, feel badly for yelling, and then feel in general like a bad mother.

He's ALWAYS grabbing everything - off the counters, pulling stuff out of drawers, opening the dishwasher while its running, emptying cabinets, EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. I'm constantly saying don't touch that, put that back, please leave this alone. Everything is technically "childproofed", but my dresser drawers can be opened, the dishwasher, etc. He'll take something and throw it, I make him pick it up and put it back -- he does, but then moves on. He will go up to something and say "Mommy, I can have this?" with a smirk on his face b/c he KNOWS he can't have it as I just put it away but he somehow got it anyway. I see that he's testing me, but it's all the time and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the constant battles, the constant no, don't do that, please put that back, now pick that up, if you throw this we can't watch your movie, etc., etc., etc.

I try to catch him being good and reinforce it all the time when I can. I see that it's attention-getting behavior and I see that, but he has SO MUCH attention anyway, even if we're playing together and he has my undivided attention he still does this. I give him choices when available all the time (e.g., want to wear your train shirt or your Elmo shirt?), let him "help" me when he wants to, etc.

I hate yelling. My parents were yellers, and I feel guilty. But at the 20th time of 'please don't touch the whatever, they are for whatever purpose, not throwing' or (for example), I am frustrated, tired, and feel like every single thing I say falls on deaf ears.

Any advice? When does this constant testing fade???

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a play room where he can get into absolutely everything? You and the baby and your son can hole up in there for the day.

[Anonymous]

Also, make sure he is getting plenty of exercise of large muscles, this can help a toddler "mellow-out" a little and not have quite as much energy for testing you!

[Anonymous]

That sounds rough. Would it be feasible to just stop correcting him for a week or so, to see what effect that has? Maybe it will help. Just laugh and ignore him when he does annoying stuff. (Hide the knives before you start that week, and it's still OK to stip him if he's doing something dangerous and not just annoying.) Might not help, but maybe it will. Maybe he's acting out a little to get more attention since he's realized you're having DC #2. Good luck. I wish I had the magic answer, but I don't (and don't believe anyone who claims they do).

[Anonymous]

Perhaps this is in reaction to having a new sibling getting some attention...Maybe having just mommy or daddy & me time with no baby?

[Anonymous]

I would just pick and choose what to pay attention to (like things involving safety) and ignore other things (stuff he does just to get negative attention). You really can't keep up that pace anyway or you will lose your mind. When my son is driving me nuts (just about daily , we put on our shoes and go for a LONG walk. When kids are physically busy, they tend not to do annoying things as much as if they are idle. You can always have your own time out in your room too

[Anonymous]

I feel you. I have a world of advice for you, but all I really want to say is that it will pass, be as attentive as you can be to the older, he is probably struggling with the addition. Good luck, it will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I have a world of advice for you, but all I really want to say is that it will pass, be as attentive as you can be to the older, he is probably struggling with the addition. Good luck, it will get better.

Thank you, and thanks to the other for your thoughts (this is the OP). I guess I just feel like a bad mother, and maybe he's like this b/c of something I did, or didn't do. I feel so frustrated sometimes, and feel guilty for yelling. Anyhow, thanks for the thoughts...

[Anonymous]

Your son probably wants to help and do things that you're doing. I would try to set up a part of the house to suit his size so he can "help." For example, we have a step stool and certain kitchen utensils that my daughter uses while I cook. And often she "helps" with part of the dinner. It takes some effort, but reduces the number of tantrums.

Make him feel needed and appreciated and he'll be much easier to handle.

[Anonymous]

OP, I could have written your post. You are not alone, and you are DEFINITELY NOT a bad Mom. You are just human. Lack of sleep and a raging toddler don't go together so well. I have an 8 month old and a 2.5 year old, and it is still very challenging. I yell sometimes too, but I have been trying to keep my cool a bit more. I have been trying to remind myself to not yell at the negative behavior b/c that kind of reaction is attention getting and kids will act out more just to get that attention. So, I try to keep my cool or remove myself from the situation for a bit, and then deal with it calmly or ignore it when possible. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my DS is only 2.5, so he is supposed to do all that stuff, and I need to just deal.

But, don't be so hard on yourself. You are in good company. God knows I feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

Ahh....the ability of a 2-year old to make you want to pull your hair out, or go running screaming from the house. I don't even have a baby, and my 2-year old can drive me BONKERS.

But, do try to choose your battles. And get as much stuff that is not toddler-friendly up out of reach (I know it gets harder the taller they get). You could put child-safety looks on your drawers (they have some with adhesive, that are flexible, that fit on almost anything). Make sure there are some drawers that your toddler can get into that has safe stuff (I just live with the mess). My little guy runs around with my hair brush and make-up brushes. It's just not worth the battle. And I find it hilarious when he "helps me get ready" by "putting make-up" on my legs (luckily there is no actual make-up on the brushes).

Also, do try to make sure your toddler has some alone time with you. I find my toddler acts up when he need attention.

I find my toddler also LOVES to be chased. So if he doesn't get his fill from us playing chasing games, he will grab something he think will intice me to chase him. So now we have names for chasing games, so he can just tell me he wants to play versus getting into something.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are doing all the right things - trying to give him positive attention and catching him being good. I think the PPs have a lot of good suggestions. I like the one about making sure he gets a chance to run and play outside. A little fresh air - even when it's very cold - does a lot of good.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. I have twin 2.5 year olds that drive me bonkers. They are into everything (sounds JUST like your son) and I find myself yelling a LOT. We do get out and run every day, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. I've run out of places to "hide" things out of reach. They now just drag the chairs over to the counter to help themselves.

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

You are just going to have to let some things go as PPs have said. They will move from picking everything up to making messes w/ toys etc. 3 will come around and test your limits like you won't believe so get some practice now in how to chill out. At least now you can move all of the stuff out of the way. Next year, they will say to you "I don't like you" and "Go away" and stuff that will make your blood boil. It is always something.

[Anonymous]

Have you read any particular parenting books? Before I launch into my usual recs...