Husbands with Aspergers

[Anonymous]

Please help. Has anyone been able to sustain a relationship with someone on the Asperger's spectrum. How has it affected your marriage? How do you deal with it? Any help would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, OP. Does he have an official diagnosis, or do you just suspect? Is he willing to work with it? My husband has many symptoms of Aspergers but was told by a therapist that he doesn't meet enough criteria to be officially diagnosed, so he has written off the whole issue and refuses to think or talk about anything. We are at an impasse and I don't know if it going to work out or not.

Best wishes for the best outcome.

[Anonymous]

Just celebrated my 10th year anniversary with DH, who has many symptoms of Asperger's (also has a nephew diagnosed with Asperger's and DS who is undiagnosed as yet but has strong tendencies).

DH is a doctor and refuses to get any evaluation or any social skills help. He opines that he has been successful so far and that any "minor" social issues that arise from his peculiarities I will just have to deal with.

Right now, I can live with him and be happy most of the time. I accept that his career, like those of most Aspies, has been cut far short of its full potential due to lack of social awareness on his part. I fear that for DS as well and am trying to train him intensively in social skills.

When DS was born, however, I nearly divorced my husband because of his apparent lack of empathy and emotional support. It was a very difficult time in my life as DS was born premature with sigificant developmental delays, I had health complications, and my boss at the time was expecting me to work 10 hour days. I developed PPD, my (doctor) husband did not notice and was quite unhelpful as I tried to seek more sympathy and relief.
So I announced to all and sundry that I was divorcing him, he realized I was serious and started actually paying attention to his communication methods, what triggered arguments, how to ask me how I was and if I needed help, how to read some of non-verbal cues.

And since he made a sustained effort and made some significant progress, I am still married (happily) to him.

But we have come back from the brink.

[Anonymous]

We have been together together for 25 yrs and have a 6 yr old diagnosed with Asperger's. DH does not have an official diagnosis but his symptoms are worse than DS's and grandpa has even worse symptoms. We're very happy and I adore DH who is a wonderful dad.

I also suspect my mother and both my brothers have a lot is Aspie tendencies. My mother is the most severe of the bunch so being around people with AS is normal for me.

My DH is an attorney as am I although I'm now a SAHM. We have a nice life. No complaints at all.

[Anonymous]

Lots of books written on it too:

http://www.npr.org/2012/02/03/146342668/best-practices-learning-to-live-with-aspergers