Tell Me About Al-Anon
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Anonymous
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I went to one meeting years ago but didn't think it was very helpful. Everyone already seemed to know each other and I wasn't sure what to expect. It was a quick meeting. How is it supposed to work? Is there a particular kind of group newbies should look for?
DH's drinking is as bad as it has ever been and I need some new resources. My therapist thinks I should control him by banning alcohol from our home, but I am tired of it being my job to deal with and enforce rather than him accepting some responsibility. I also can't control what he does when he travels on business, which is often. He also started hiding how much he drinks from me, and I can't control what I don't see or know. I only know sometimes after the fact when I see the charge on his credit card or get the minibar bill from the hotel if we've been away. Obviously I don't see those bills for business travel. Ugh. |
Anonymous
Sorry that the meeting wasn't helpful. The usual recommendation is that you try six meetings before deciding. While the meetings have a similar structure and goals, they can vary based on the background of the typical member. So maybe you should try some other meetings to see if there is one that suits you better. I haven't dealt with a drinking spouse but it sounds to me like your instincts about not wanting to have to enforce things are sound. That's something you could take into an Al-Anon meeting to talk about. Good luck, OP! |
Anonymous
| I'd say pick a few meetings at locations nearby if possible and attend a few of each before deciding. Also, get your hands on some of their printed materials or head to the library. Sorry I don't have time to post more. |
Anonymous
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You can't CONTROL anything. You are using that word, and that is not for you to do. The only thing you can control is your reaction to what he is doing. If you don't want to live with someone that won't admit they are a drunk, then get out and move on. Nothing that you do can change what he is doing to himself. The only thing you can change is what he is doing to you.
18 years sober. Why did I drink? Because I was a drunk - period. |
Anonymous
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I'm with you, OP. I was completely turned off by al-Anon. Frankly with a demanding full-time job and the challenge of child-rearing with a drunk husband, I didn't have time to be running around and trying a bunch of different meetings to find the right fit. Instead, I found a therapist who specialized in addiction -- not sure if yours does. I saw Anita Gadhia-Smith, who has offices in Georgetown and Bethesda.
You are right -- you can't control his drinking. But you can decide how much of it you are willing to tolerate. I have to disagree with the PP who said "nothing that you can do can change what he is doing to himself" -- that may be true in some cases. In my case, my therapist guided me through where to draw lines and after several months ended up helping me push my husband into rehab. He's now been sober for 2.5 years, and he knows as well as I do that he wouldn't be healthy if I wouldn't have steered him toward the change. But it was a diffiult process to get there and I wouldn't recommend doing it without professional help from someone who knows how an addict's mind works. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Hated every minute of it. It was not helpful. |
Anonymous
| Thanks, 11:06. I will check out the therapist you mentioned and also ask mine what experience he has in the area. Thanks. |
Anonymous
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Al-Anon is useful to help you keep in a relationship with an alcoholic partner. Doing so might not be good for you or him. Losing you might be good for him.
26 years sober. |