Daughter is having difficulty adjusting to kindergarten...what's normal, and what's a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Our daughter was in a half-day program at a small, co-op preschool last year and loved it--no problems at all. She's also always been a kind, well-behaved, and conscientious kid. But she is having a hard time adjusting to kindergarten at the neighborhood public school. She is OK now at drop-off and cheerful at pick-up, and there are no behavior problems at school, but in the afternoons and evenings she is adamantly down on school, seems constantly angry and upset, and seems to have stopped listening altogether. She has also started talking back, and telling stories about school that she later admits she made up.

She has a good teacher who she really likes, and she's made friends, but the anxiety is really hanging on. My husband visited the class and says our daughter was doing just fine.

She has a summer birthday so is on the young side of 5. Given that her behavior is fine and she comfortably reads level 4 books, I'm not at all inclined to pull her out this year. I'm just trying to figure out how to talk with her, and how much to involve her teacher in figuring this out. I have no clue how to determine what are normal adjustment issues, and what might indicate a bigger problem.

Anyone BTDT, and have insight or advice? Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

I would pay most attention to the mood when you pick her up and when you see her at school. I have a DS that makes up stuff about school, too! Yes, I think there's some anxiety but that's just his personality and I think if they're happy/content at school then you just have to ignore the rest of it.

I think the complaints are at times of tiredness ... my DS definitely finds it harder to cope with the idea of going to school when he's tired.

Finally, it's not a bad idea to drop a line to the teacher to ask his/her impressions - just say you want to check in because, while DD seems overall happy, she sometimes shows some anxiety about school.

[Anonymous]

Excellent advice PP! I would also advocate a big snack and down time right after school. TV or story time while cuddling with you (or sitter) will give her a chance to re-group and rest. We went through it too and it will get better in a few weeks. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Also, as her mom, part of your job description is to be the "complaint department." Just listen and hug until it passes (as long as she's happy at pick-up usually).

[Anonymous]

It could be that even if nothing is really "wrong" at school, the increased demands there have left her feeling tired and cranky.

[Anonymous]

She is prob. tired because K is a full day now. Both my kids weren't crazy about school the first year it was a full day.

[Anonymous]

My DS has ALWAYS, since preschool, complained and been negative when I ask. BUT, he is ALWAYS happy when I drop him off and pick him up. No complaints from school, nothing. It's weird, but I think he's happy regardless of anything else.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for these helpful responses! Majorly appreciated. She is definitely exhausted, and I'm going to try to get some more protein in her diet. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

My DD, who is in her second week at a new preschool (we got the call late), has been the same way. I try to remember that she's in a new group of kids, who have new experiences and personalities. She's trying on new attitudes and stories and pushing the limits more than she used to. She's also been pretty negative about the new school, but only in the abstract. She is still excited about specific things they do and specific friends. I try to focus on those things, remind her of them, and reinforce the limits where they usually are. It's exhausting and highly annoying, but I don't think it's anything out of the ordinary range of adjustments.

[Anonymous]

Can you go and hang out at lunch and then stay for recess? You might get a better idea what it's like for her midday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter was in a half-day program at a small, co-op preschool last year and loved it--no problems at all. She's also always been a kind, well-behaved, and conscientious kid. But she is having a hard time adjusting to kindergarten at the neighborhood public school. She is OK now at drop-off and cheerful at pick-up, and there are no behavior problems at school, but in the afternoons and evenings she is adamantly down on school, seems constantly angry and upset, and seems to have stopped listening altogether. She has also started talking back, and telling stories about school that she later admits she made up.

She has a good teacher who she really likes, and she's made friends, but the anxiety is really hanging on. My husband visited the class and says our daughter was doing just fine.

She has a summer birthday so is on the young side of 5. Given that her behavior is fine and she comfortably reads level 4 books, I'm not at all inclined to pull her out this year. I'm just trying to figure out how to talk with her, and how much to involve her teacher in figuring this out. I have no clue how to determine what are normal adjustment issues, and what might indicate a bigger problem.

Anyone BTDT, and have insight or advice? Thanks in advance.

No advice, but how about some commiseration? I have a similar situation, but I would be happier if I were in yours. My DD is never happy at drop-off, though she is occasionally happy at pick-up. She doesn't like her teacher. We worry a lot about this. She's also been pretty bad after school in terms of behavior.

She's exhausted and the days that her lunch contains less protein, I can absolutely tell because she's much much worse.

Hang in there, OP, and if you figure something out, post here so I can learn from you!

[Anonymous]

I've started trying to push DD's bedtime a 1/2 hr earlier since she was seeming exhausted the first month of school. Have you tried that if you know she's really tired? Also agree with making sure she has enough chill time & a snack after school to decompress. How much HW is she being asked to do - is it too much on top of getting used to the much longer academic day?

[Anonymous]

Back off when she comes home. Give her time to chill as someone else said.
When she complains, listen, but do not quiz. Do not react.
Lots of hugs.

[Anonymous]

All day every day is really hard on some kids.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is in first grade this year but I will tell you what I learned last year in K. First, most kids have an adjustment to Kindergarten. Second, the first half of the year is exhausting. Third, most kids get in the swing of it after Christmas/Winter Break. I found that most of the moms said that by the end of Winter Break all the kids want to return to school. The Spring semester should be much better. Good luck!