Please tell me a happy after divorce story....

[Anonymous]

Something I am seriously considering. Nothing has happened, but we have grown apart, I am not happy...so he cannot be happy either. I do not enjoy spending time with him and almost always wish he weren't here. I know it sounds horrible. I love him but don't like him. Not an easy person to get along with. We have shared over 20 years and 2 kids together, no regrets but sometimes people do grow apart so much so that there is little left. I really think its beyond therapy. I just don't know if I love him anymore. It is not about someone else, I could care less. I am very comfortable with my own company. Just confused. I hear a lot of regret stories after divorce....are there any good and happy ones? Would love to hear about them if so.

Cheers-

[Anonymous]

You need more of an independent life. How about this - pretend you aren't married. Live your life as though you weren't married (except no cheating). You can be cordial roommates. Don't announce this approach, just try it on for size. Sometimes relationships need adjustments and sometimes it take months to find your compass.

[Anonymous]

My husband divorced his ex-wife after a long period of "sticking it out" for his son. The last 7 years of their marriage were, he says, miserable, but he felt like he couldn't leave because of what divorce would do to his kid. Finally, things got bad enough that he figured divorce was better than continuing to stay in the marriage. They didn't even do anything as a family anymore; they'd go to the son's sports and school stuff but take separate cars, and one would eat dinner with the son, while the other did whatever. Didn't sleep in the same room, rarely spoke. He says it was just awful.

So, finally, after making it as long as he could, he asked for a divorce. He and I have a very happy marriage- we had one child together and are expecting our second child next month. My DH was approached by a guy he works with last winter who asked his opinion about divorce, as he was considering leaving his wife as well. My DH came home and told me about this. His advice was "Work it out if you absolutely can, but if you can't, it's better to just get out so you can be happy." Then he said he told him it was hard to get up the nerve to ask for the divorce because it meant changing what he knew, but that he knows it was the right decision because he's never been happier.

I know he'd prefer if my stepson lived with us, because the major fly in the ointment for divorces is that it cuts your time with your kids, and that sucks. But I think my husband feels that having two happy homes vs. one miserable one where the parents don't even speak was better for his son in the long run. Plus, my stepson got siblings from the remarriage, and he's a great older brother. The ex-wife was unwilling to consider more children though my husband really wanted them. I think it makes my husband happy that his son is no longer an only child and there will be a little crew to look out for each other after we are gone.

Personally, I've never been divorced. But my parents have and both remarried and good things came from those remarriages. And my own mother in law has told me the huge difference in my DH between when he was in his previous marriage and now. It's the difference between a person existing and a person being happy. And don't underestimate what your happiness also means for your kids. Kids don't want their parents to be miserable. I was relieved when my parents divorced because they were so much better apart. I actually got to enjoy time with them instead of sitting in a stifling house where nobody was happy.

[Anonymous]

I was married, left my husband who was verbally abusive. High powered and very wealthy which is what kept me there for 12 years. Finally got to my breaking point and left. Best decision ever. I never once looked back or second guessed my decision. I was too young when we married to set rules and boundaries and then it was too late.

Three years later met someone via a mutual friend who i am now married to for 9 wonderful years, We have 3 kids and honestly he is the antithesis of my first H. Kind, gentle, very intellectual, a really giving and caring human being. It makes me sad to think of the lost chance I almost had by not leaving. I cannot tell you how much happier I am now and my kids (from both marriages) are happier to see their mom happy. We have a blended family that is like a beautiful symphony..it works so well. Yes, there are many happy afters...just know you are doing it for the right reasons.

[Anonymous]

I stuck it out for 14 years - not because we had children of our own, but because she had a child from a previous marriage who had issues. When we reached a stable place, I split...and was immediately MUCH happier. I remained married to her for almost three more years for insurance reasons, but started dating. I have now met someone else, and remarried, quite happily. Both being alone after a long period and new relationships have proven to be fantastic - so yes, there is good quality life, after divorce.

My parents split after 13 years. Mom is an unhappy human being (before, during and ever since the divorce). Dad met someone else and they have now been together for thirty years, married for almost twenty, mostly quite happily (some bumps, like everyone).

There's a couple of happy stories for you. Good luck. You make your own happiness by deciding to do it and be it.

[Anonymous]

If you feel you have given your all to make the marriage work, and it is still not going well.. then you may need to consider divorce. It will always be hard at first, because you are used to being with that person.. but if you feel good about being alone.. why not?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you've given it everything. You say "I think it's beyond therapy" but how can you know if you haven't tried? Honestly, it sounds a cop-out. Don't you at least owe it to your kids to do everything, and I mean EVERYTHING before you call it a day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband divorced his ex-wife after a long period of "sticking it out" for his son. The last 7 years of their marriage were, he says, miserable, but he felt like he couldn't leave because of what divorce would do to his kid. Finally, things got bad enough that he figured divorce was better than continuing to stay in the marriage. They didn't even do anything as a family anymore; they'd go to the son's sports and school stuff but take separate cars, and one would eat dinner with the son, while the other did whatever. Didn't sleep in the same room, rarely spoke. He says it was just awful.

So, finally, after making it as long as he could, he asked for a divorce. He and I have a very happy marriage- we had one child together and are expecting our second child next month. My DH was approached by a guy he works with last winter who asked his opinion about divorce, as he was considering leaving his wife as well. My DH came home and told me about this. His advice was "Work it out if you absolutely can, but if you can't, it's better to just get out so you can be happy." Then he said he told him it was hard to get up the nerve to ask for the divorce because it meant changing what he knew, but that he knows it was the right decision because he's never been happier.

I know he'd prefer if my stepson lived with us, because the major fly in the ointment for divorces is that it cuts your time with your kids, and that sucks. But I think my husband feels that having two happy homes vs. one miserable one where the parents don't even speak was better for his son in the long run. Plus, my stepson got siblings from the remarriage, and he's a great older brother. The ex-wife was unwilling to consider more children though my husband really wanted them. I think it makes my husband happy that his son is no longer an only child and there will be a little crew to look out for each other after we are gone.

Personally, I've never been divorced. But my parents have and both remarried and good things came from those remarriages. And my own mother in law has told me the huge difference in my DH between when he was in his previous marriage and now. It's the difference between a person existing and a person being happy. And don't underestimate what your happiness also means for your kids. Kids don't want their parents to be miserable. I was relieved when my parents divorced because they were so much better apart. I actually got to enjoy time with them instead of sitting in a stifling house where nobody was happy.

How long have you been married?

I wish you happiness, but you should be careful what you say about other marriages. He could easily drop the divorce papers on you someday too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you have given your all to make the marriage work, and it is still not going well.. then you may need to consider divorce. It will always be hard at first, because you are used to being with that person.. but if you feel good about being alone.. why not?

It doesn't really sound like she has given it any work. It doesn't sound like they have worked hard on the relationship all the way through or they wouldn't have grown apart, and she doesn't want to do therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband divorced his ex-wife after a long period of "sticking it out" for his son. The last 7 years of their marriage were, he says, miserable, but he felt like he couldn't leave because of what divorce would do to his kid. Finally, things got bad enough that he figured divorce was better than continuing to stay in the marriage. They didn't even do anything as a family anymore; they'd go to the son's sports and school stuff but take separate cars, and one would eat dinner with the son, while the other did whatever. Didn't sleep in the same room, rarely spoke. He says it was just awful.

So, finally, after making it as long as he could, he asked for a divorce. He and I have a very happy marriage- we had one child together and are expecting our second child next month. My DH was approached by a guy he works with last winter who asked his opinion about divorce, as he was considering leaving his wife as well. My DH came home and told me about this. His advice was "Work it out if you absolutely can, but if you can't, it's better to just get out so you can be happy." Then he said he told him it was hard to get up the nerve to ask for the divorce because it meant changing what he knew, but that he knows it was the right decision because he's never been happier.

I know he'd prefer if my stepson lived with us, because the major fly in the ointment for divorces is that it cuts your time with your kids, and that sucks. But I think my husband feels that having two happy homes vs. one miserable one where the parents don't even speak was better for his son in the long run. Plus, my stepson got siblings from the remarriage, and he's a great older brother. The ex-wife was unwilling to consider more children though my husband really wanted them. I think it makes my husband happy that his son is no longer an only child and there will be a little crew to look out for each other after we are gone.

Personally, I've never been divorced. But my parents have and both remarried and good things came from those remarriages. And my own mother in law has told me the huge difference in my DH between when he was in his previous marriage and now. It's the difference between a person existing and a person being happy. And don't underestimate what your happiness also means for your kids. Kids don't want their parents to be miserable. I was relieved when my parents divorced because they were so much better apart. I actually got to enjoy time with them instead of sitting in a stifling house where nobody was happy.

How long have you been married?

I wish you happiness, but you should be careful what you say about other marriages. He could easily drop the divorce papers on you someday too.

I was very careful to phrase my comments about their marriage as what he says/said about it. I have no interest in the ins and outs or placing blame or judgment. They were both unhappy, he says it was miserable. This is what my post says.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce.My ex and I both went from the courthouse to closest bar to celebrate our divorce.
Best decision I ever made, happy as a camper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something I am seriously considering. Nothing has happened, but we have grown apart, I am not happy...so he cannot be happy either. I do not enjoy spending time with him and almost always wish he weren't here. I know it sounds horrible. I love him but don't like him. Not an easy person to get along with. We have shared over 20 years and 2 kids together, no regrets but sometimes people do grow apart so much so that there is little left. I really think its beyond therapy. I just don't know if I love him anymore. It is not about someone else, I could care less. I am very comfortable with my own company. Just confused. I hear a lot of regret stories after divorce....are there any good and happy ones? Would love to hear about them if so.

Cheers-

OP, I think you hit the nail right on the head by acknowledging that yes, indeed you are confused now. On one hand you say you love your husband, then on the other hand you don't know if you do, then you say you are just confused.

I think you should focus on yourself right now.
Seek some professional help, but do it for you and you only.

Sounds like you have some of your own issues that need addressing.

Good Luck.

I do hope everything works itself out for you.

[Anonymous]

Last time i checked when someone is wishing their spouse away all the time they have fallen out of love. It does happen even after many years.People grow apart, grow into the person they were always meant to be,etc....

First you need to determine if you even love your H if you do then by all means its worth the work to try to make things better. If you dont' no amount of therapy in the world will make that better or change things.

Good luck, its difficult even when for the best. I was married for 16 years, got divorced, remarried two years ago and am my happiest i have ever been, so yes there are plenty of happy stories but it does require patience, work and definitely some tears.