Helping with Projects

[Anonymous]

I feel so much pressure to assist with school projects. As far back as Kindergarten, whenever I let my child struggle through projects by herself, it was patently obvious that other parents had helped their children significantly with long term projects. In comparison, her projects looked sloppily done and age appropriate. So I conformed and helped as much as possible to make sure that the end result was still her idea but a much more polished product.

Fast forward to seventh grade, I feel like now is the time to step back and allow my child to do her projects on her own and simply ask questions like, "Why did you make that choice?" "Have you thought that through?" "Can you think of another way to do that that might show that you have a really clear understanding of the topic?"

I feel like teachers may have unrealistic expectations of what a seventh grader's science project should actually look like because so many parents interfere. Have others felt this same pressure? Are there any teachers out there who could chime in about what they think when they see a high quality project versus something that a child clearly did by herself? Do you ever grade accordingly?

Torn about ethics . . . .

[Anonymous]

Trust me, teachers know just as you know when a child has done the project and when a parent did the project.

By 7th grade you should definitely take a step back. Right now, grades do not go onto a high school transcript and children learn valuable lessons when they do the work themselves. It's better to let go now, let your child struggle a little, probably make some mistakes, and then eventually learn to be fully independent.

Are you going to do the high school projects because high school grades go on a transcript that affects college admissions.

Are you going to go to college with your child so he/she does well and can get a good job?

[Anonymous]

I was volunteering in my DD's class in 2nd grade. Happened to be on a day that a project was due. You know, a mobile of pictures and summary of a book they read. My kid did her own work (and it looked like it!), but a lot of these projects looked professional and perfect. She looked around and felt embarrassed, I was mad.
Later that afternoon, she came home, proud, and said that the teacher called her in front of the class and praised her for doing her own work. She also sent notes home with the kids who's parents had done the work asking them to have the child re-do the work on their own.
Loved it. Teachers aren't stupid, they know the drill. Do what you know is right and let the teacher do the rest.

[Anonymous]

On a different POV, I have two kids with fine motor and visual spatial issues and I dread these "artistic" projects. Worst of all are the ones where the teacher wants them to draw something because it will be fun.

I have no shame at all about helping. Mostly this means strategizing like - can you type and print the title off Word? Can we use properly cited images instead of drawing?

At the end of the night though, I am not above helping to cut a straight line.

And, rest assured, with all the motor issues, no one would mistake my kids work for perfect or professional. we are just aiming for less embarrassing and finished before midnight.

[Anonymous]

So...

I've never helped my children with their projects, other than advice when they asked about the concept and how to accomplish it. Oh, and trying to make sure the kids leave enough time to actually DO the project. That's the hardest thing in our house, for one of the kids, anyways.

I promise you, the teachers do give good grades for student-done work. My kids have never felt embarrassed about the projects they've turned in. Rather, they've been proud of them. (Especially the time that a teacher used one child's project to show students in multiple classes how the project could be done.)

Teachers know.

[Anonymous]

Beyond making sure the supply cupboard is stocked and giving an opinion when asked, I NEVER do any work on kids' projects. She has never been given a poor grade for doing her own work.

[Anonymous]

19:34 here - my kids absolutely have lost points for neatness and been embarrassed by their outcome. As I said above, my kids have motor issues (but not enough to qualify for services). Maybe we are a special case. I know what you are talking about and remember seeing some overly perfect projects for sure. That said, I have a little forgiveness in my heart for them because I know the blood, sweat and tears it takes us to get one of those stupid projects out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:19:34 here - my kids absolutely have lost points for neatness and been embarrassed by their outcome. As I said above, my kids have motor issues (but not enough to qualify for services). Maybe we are a special case. I know what you are talking about and remember seeing some overly perfect projects for sure. That said, I have a little forgiveness in my heart for them because I know the blood, sweat and tears it takes us to get one of those stupid projects out the door.

Although I feel for what you are describing, I think you are on the wrong track. If your child has motor issues, the teacher won't have the same expectations she'd have of the rest of the class (unless she's very unprofessional and/or unkind). No doubt your motivation is a good-hearted one, but by covering up what your child is capable, you aren't helping them at all. What if, for example, the teacher thinks your cutting, drawing, etc. is what your child is capable of doing? Then the teacher will think the child simply isn't working hard enough when the result isn't as good. Let your child's work speak for itself, whatever the level.