Help me talk to my DH about
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Anonymous
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his breath.
DH and I got married less than a year ago after dating for 4 years and got pregnant soon after the wedding. I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant. We had an amazing relationship - dating in another city and moving to DC together for his job. In the last year, his allergies have become more of a problem and he uses an inhaler and allergy medication everyday. Whether that has anything to do with it -- I don't know. Before this started, I never noticed a problem and we were very close and had a wonderful relationship. I know that a woman's sense of smell is heightened during pregnancy but this has truly become a problem. A big problem. I have suffered from slight nausea for the entire pregnancy (Nothing close to what some other women deal with) and at times can not even stand being in the same car as him or sitting close to him on the couch. I think this is more of a post nasal issue than an actual breath issue because it is so constant and has a very distinct, offensive smell. He is also a snorer. So when he comes to bed and snores, it is again, a big problem. I wake up - and have to physically turn him over so he is not breathing anywhere near me. We have not been sexually active during this entire pregnancy and even more importantly we don't snuggle, hardly hug or even really kiss anymore. DH is such an amazing man and so supportive and happy about this baby that he is constantly wanting to hug me and kiss me and all I do is turn away. It has caused a huge problem in our marriage - the only problem. It's like we have become roommates. I really love my husband and miss him. I feel very alone but I can't handle this issue. I had started out giving him a piece of gum, and mentioned it very generally once or twice and said maybe it was dry mouth or from his inhaler...he started using Biotene mouthwash for this issue instead of Listerine but has not improved. He was obviously very embarrassed and hurt when I brought it up directly to him but one night I just couldn't handle it anymore. I felt so terrible. At this point, the minute he gets into the house after work, I can smell it and it puts me in a bad mood and makes my nausea worse. It sounds so terrible, and it is. He is in his mid 30's and has an amazing, powerful job where he interacts with many people very closely during the day. He is a brilliant, and gorgeous man but this issue has taken over my feelings for him. I don't even enjoy going to the movies or dinner out at this point. I don't want to embarrass him or upset him more and I don't know what to do. I often hope that my sense of smell would be the issue and with the arrival of the baby - it would magically disappear but I know that is not the case. Our relationship is suffering. Please help me. I can't even imagine dealing with this issue during labor and delivery. |
Anonymous
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Sinus issues and meds that dry out the mouth can cause bad breath. He should talk to his doc about it. He's probably got dry mouth and needs to drink more water.
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Anonymous
| Check and see if he has a big tonsil stone lodged in his throat/popping out of his tonsils. |
Anonymous
| I have this same problem with my DH, and I'm also pregnant, so I feel ya. I am in the 1st trimester and very nauseous so I'm hoping things will calm down a bit with my nausea and my nose in 4-5 weeks. I cannot stand the thought of actually kissing him right now, I actually almost puke even thinking about it. I feel so bad about it too. Anyway just wanted to commiserate - I will follow this thread and see who has advice.. |
Anonymous
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That is a really tough one!! For what it is worth, most men are pretty literal creatures. If you aren't having much sex, he probably is concerned that your feelings for him have changed. If you just tell him that you are pregnant and have a heightened sense of smell and it is something about his breath that is off-putting, he'll probably be relieved!
Also, if you reassure him that you are more than up for some nookey after the breath issue is resolved, he'll probably sprint to a dentist and/or ENT to figure out some solutions. 
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Anonymous
| His breath got bad "in the last year" and you are 32 weeks pregnant? I think there really is a chance this problem is magically disappearing in a few weeks. |
Anonymous
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Well tiptoeing around the issue is not going to help either of you now, will it? As a first step, find a non-biased third party and have them be the judge. Hell, on one of your pre-natal visits that you attend together, explain to the obgyn and have him/her smell your DH's breath. That way you can find out if he really does have bad breath or if your hormones are out of wack. Then take actions accordingly to try to solve the problem.
You are not children, stop acting like it, with your DH getting offended and you scrambling for ways to soothe his ego. Frankly, I think you are both merely paying lip service to the fact that you want to re-ignite the passion/closeness in your marriage. If you were really serious about it, you would snap out of the pity party and do something concrete. |
Anonymous
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I'm uber sensitive to breaths and DH's can reek at times. It was starting to affect intimacy and I brought it up to him, no beating around the bush (we are horny people). He knows to brush his teeth and use mouthwash before attempting anything.
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Anonymous
| Or, try a sleep clinic and a CPAP. The CPAP has been amazing as it stops the snoring. |
Anonymous
| I don't think they should tiptoe or avoid, I just think there's a chance this problem is impossible to solve in the next month and will no longer exist after that point. I'm not trying to minimize it; I'm sure it really is awful to deal with. I just think the best available option might be to do nothing at all. |
Anonymous
You are discounting the lack of time and energy they will both have in the months after the baby arrives. So 9 months and counting with no intimacy stretches to 15 months and counting with no intimacy depending on what the new baby dishes out. OP, now is the time to take action. Don't wait. |
Anonymous
this (and I'm a guy). if he doesn't get it, he never will. |
Anonymous
No, I am saying based on personal experience that there is a good chance his breath will bother her 90% less almost immediately after giving birth and they will never have to deal with that particular issue at all. I'm just talking about the smell issue. I agree she shouldn't ignore intimacy problems. |
Anonymous
| He may have tonsil stones or gum disease. Go with him to see a dentist and doctor and tell them your concerns. Perhaps call the doc ahead of time to give them a head's up and let them talk to him. |
Anonymous
If he still has his tonsils this is a possibility. If he doesn't, then he wouldn't. Tonsils form crypts (pockets) and bacteria builds up inside of them. Usually it forms a white gooey rock, known as a tonsil stone or tonsilith. They look like a piece of curdled milk (cottage cheese) and smell like road kill. Ordinary gargling will not remove these. Sometimes they are easily removed with a q-tip or something similar. Water picks blast too hard and it's already a sensitive area, so that's not recommended. There are oral surgeons that can cauterize the area as they remove the tonsils. If this is what he has, then this would be the only cure that is known. GOOD LUCK WITH STINKY! |