Dealing with mean, rude or bossy kids
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Anonymous
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DD has always had a lot of friends. Some of her friends are getting bratty and bossy. My DD's reaction to this is to be hurt and snub them. She takes it very seriously and thinks they are mad at her if they say something mean or obnoxious. She will refuse to speak with them or glare at them for days/weeks.
I am glad that she is not joining in their behavior. However, I'm worried that she's going to develop her own mean behavior accidentally by snubbing and glaring. I've tried to tell her to just ignore it, leave the situation, and be polite to them in the future. At this age, kids learn bully behavior by getting off on the upset reaction they get from whoever they try it on. I don't want her to isolate herself and become a target. |
Anonymous
| How old is your dd? |
Anonymous
| My 6yo DD just kind of ignores bossy kids. She has one friend who tries to boss her around, but my DD will say, "No," and just go about doing things however she wants to do them. It both amuses me and sort of makes me wonder where she gets it. She has a sense of self that I do not think I had at that age. I would have wondered about now wanting to hurt the (bossy) friend's feelings and would have worked to keep everyone happy, and tired myself out doing so. In the end, I don't know which way is better, but as I said, it both amuse me and makes me wonder when I see my DD doing this. It's kind of like water off a duck's back to her. |
Anonymous
| DD is 9. She used to react the way the PP described. Just say no and keep playing. The problem is that is she is very upset about it. She doesn't just let it roll off her back. She avoids then in an obvious way, glares, and snubs. In the past, it would blow over after one day. Now, she doesn't forget. |
Anonymous
| Our neighbor has a 13 year old boy who does this. He's been this way since we ever moved here (he was about 2 at the time.)He's incredibly controlling--when he feels crossed, he glares at people and or stares past them. I'm actually expecting that one day, this kid will flip out ax the family in their sleep. I'm only half kidding. |
Anonymous
| One of my daughter's friends is a big glarer, arm crosser, etc. She is *really* annoying. I have been slowly inserting some distance simply because I do not like dealing with her. |
Anonymous
I am the PP with the 6yo DD. She has one friend who does exactly what you describe: glares, arm crosses, cries, etc. I too have been slowly inserting distance b/c I think this is ridiculous for a 6yo to act like this. |
Anonymous
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Yes, this is exactly what I am talking about with DD. She doesn't react to small things. I will readily admit that two of these girls are on there way to becoming mean girls. They are rude, bossy, and exclusionary. I would be horrified if my DD acted like this.
I don't want DD to pursue friendship with them BUT I don't want her version of ignoring it to be equally aggressive just in a glaring, snubbing way. |
Anonymous
| Just explain that she is coming across just as rude as they are. It's better to take the high road. |
Anonymous
I think it's hard for kids to learn subtle nuances: the diff. b/w what you have told her (just ignore it, politely do your own thing, etc. etc. etc.) and what she is doing: outright glaring, glaring, etc. I would just repeat what you have been saying to your DD and perhaps act out both versions. Do one version where you overly exaggerate her reaction: glaring, snubbing, huffing, etc. Then do one version of what you are talking about. Sometimes when I act things out, my DD will laugh and get it. Do you think this could help? I think just keep working on it b/c developing a realization and a grasp of these nuances take time b/c it's all about developing social skills. Your DD is on the right path, but you are right, I think, to try to steer her towards being a little more subtle, if only so that she does not get herself in trouble, then. |
Anonymous
| OP here..so what do I do? This just isn't my personality type. I never really cared much what others thought and never got upset about stuff when I was younger. |
Anonymous
| Plan stuff with other girls for her. Move her towards better peers. Insert distances b/w these girls. Give them fewer and fewer "near occasions of bad behavior." |
Anonymous
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This is a good book to read with or give to your DD: A Smart Girl's Guide: Friendship Troubles: Dealing with fights, being left out & the whole popularity thing.
My DD found it very helpful. Good advice. http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Guide-Friendship-popularity/dp/1609582233/ref=pd_sim_b_5 |