Stories not adding up

[Anonymous]

Dating a new guy. He is a single Dad and only has his child very infrequently.

He says the relationship broke up because she was emotionally abusive. They were engaged and never got married. He confessed that he comes from a broken home (many broken remarriages).

Something just doesn't add up. She's crazy but has most of the custody? She's unstable, but he's from a bad childhood?

Am I reading too much into it? Or do you think these are red flags?

[Anonymous]

Red flags to me. If he does not have joint custody..... Then why?

[Anonymous]

I had to read this a few times to figure it all out! It's definitely complicated and it doesn't make sense to me, either.

Is he perhaps not delving into details right now and is trying to get to know you?


Personally, I can't deal with complicated interpersonal relationships like this, so I'd back away now.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't sound like a good dad and was never married to his baby's mama. Does he pay child support? Not husband or daddy material but a proven sperm donor certainly.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't look good - sounds like he is the blaming type. It appears he hasn't worked through his stuff yet in order to be emotionally competent to be in a relationship. What people do with you they do to you. If your instincts and intuition sense something that means there is something to be sensed!

[Anonymous]

OP, What is vitally important here is that your gut is now speaking to you and is trying to tell you that something isn't adding up. It really doesn't matter what any of us in this forum think or say, what really matters here is that your gut is telling you that something is "off."

I would go w/my gut on this one.

I agree.
If his ex is so crazy and all, then why does he only see his child on a random basis??! Hmmm.....

I would tread lightly w/this new guy.

Take things slow.

[Anonymous]

Red flag that he only has his child infrequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating a new guy. He is a single Dad and only has his child very infrequently.

He says the relationship broke up because she was emotionally abusive. They were engaged and never got married. He confessed that he comes from a broken home (many broken remarriages).

Something just doesn't add up. She's crazy but has most of the custody? She's unstable, but he's from a bad childhood?

Am I reading too much into it? Or do you think these are red flags?

No. He's lying hru his teeth. On the positive side he's probably lying to himself. Also, he's probably just selfish and wants to hoe around. That's why he doesn't have the kid

[Anonymous]

Is it possible he's still married/in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

My BIL is like that. He has never taken responsibility for anything. A functioning alcoholic with a bad temper, greedy, manipulative and lazy. Now at long last his wife and kid have thrown him out of the house. ILs (his mom and dad) are enablers, so, he will never hit that rock bottom, which would allow him to turn his life around.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm the only one that doesn't see the big deal in this. What exactly makes you say she is crazy? Why wouldn't she have more custody responsibility over him if that's what they both agree on? My sons father and I never married, and I have custody while he gets visits ever so often because that's what works for all of us. This doesn't mean he is crazy.

[Anonymous]

I would focus more on if he pays child support and wants his kids. My husband's ex refused visits but was prompt to call for extra money for no reason over child support. Kid was cross country so when she didn't put him on the plane (he paid tickets even though they were supposed to be split) it was basically tuff luck in the courts. Only recently have courts been open to shared custody. It sucks. So, figure out which kind of guy he is. My husband is a great dad to our kids and loving husband.

[Anonymous]

Always trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

Surely there are men out there who have managed not to impregnate a woman out of wedlock. Look for one of those instead.

[Anonymous]

The red flag I see is in his willingness to speak poorly of his prior relationship.

Everyone has baggage. Almost everyone who has ever had a bad breakup thinks their ex is crazy. Mature adults keep their baggage to themselves and don't use it to manipulate any new person they want to date.

All he needs to be sharing with you is that he has a child and when he sees that child. He can say it isn't an amicable split,but any more details shows a lack of class.