Relinquishing his rights

[Anonymous]

my DC's father has proposed that he relinquish his rights to our DC and be relieved of all child support payments. Has anyone else been faced with this? I feel so sad for my DC who will feel abandoned once he is old enough to understand all this...his father is basically dropping out of his life. I can do it on my own now...but should I let him walk away from his obligation? I have only received payments for 3 out of the 8 months he has been gone. Is there something else I should be considering before I accept this?

[Anonymous]

Even if he relinquishes his rights, he still owes you child support....he's totally mistaken if he thinks otherwise.

[Anonymous]

CALL A LAWYER!

I don't believe a parent can relinquish his/her financial responsibilities, just custody.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it. Unless, of course, it is a situation where you absolutely do not want him to have any contact with your DC. Or if you had a new DH that was interested in adopting your DC. Otherwise, I don't think I would let him off the hook for child support payments. It looks like he is just trying to get out of paying, which I think is an unacceptable reason.

[zumbamama]

my DSD's mom tried to do this. Unbelievable! She has two other children with her new husband, and becoming strapped with the CS payments, she wanted to relinquish all rights. I wouldn't let him stop the CS payments...why let a dead beat dad get away with it?

[Anonymous]

Folks - he CAN'T avoid child support payments by relinquishing his rights. Impossible.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I do have an attorney, a very good one - he can do it if I agree to it.

I would have sole custody - medical, educational - all decisions. Could move away if I wanted at some point. He is very unreliable. Can't manage the payments but it is also that DC does not fit into his new life style, new gfriend. He said it is too hard to communicate with me re: visits (just trying to blame someone else). My attorney said if this is what he is asking for he probably will not keep up visits or payments even if I say no...then I will have to fight him for the next 17 years.

[Anonymous]

I don't know the legal aspects of the payment issue, but I wish my dad had relinquished visitation rights and disappeared. Less painful than a childhood full of waiting Friday night for Dad to come get you - sometimes he shows, sometimes he doesn't. Later, waiting to see if he's at the play, or the graduation, or whatever -

If he doesn't want to be a parent he could be a more negative influence than positive. Believe me, I felt pretty abandoned despite my dad's occasional appearances.

[Anonymous]

If you can swing it financially - having sole custody for medical, educational, religion, travel etc might be worth it.

I know a few people who have to get lawyers involved in every child related decision - just not worth it.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

I'll trust the OP that your attorney is giving you correct info that it would indeed be doable for a parent to relinquish rights and be absolved any financial responsibility, but one question - is this irrevocable (on both sides)? If he matures/changes/has a personality transplant, can he return years down the line demanding some form of shared custody? And what about you - if your financial/family situation changes, can you reverse the agreement? Either way, you need to consider every possible contingency in making this decision.

[Anonymous]

You will not be able to force someone to become a loving and caring father if it is simply not in his personality. We all wish for our kids loving, kind hearted and caring fathers - but it doesn't always work out like this.

Look at it as an opportunity to get full desicion making power where it comes to your child, will make it much easier, than to have to agree on issues with your ex-husband in the future. Also, people change their minds about things, so you do not know what will be on his mind in 5 years time regarding the child, so take now his offer and let him relinquish his rights.

If your ex-husband changes his mind, and will want to take part in your child's life, he should still be able to do that, but it all will be on your terms.

[Anonymous]

I had read that it is NOT possible for a parent to trade custody/rights for child support. They ALWAYS are responsible for support, basically because the state doesn't want to end up paying the bills.

[Anonymous]

My brother signed an agreement to relinquish rights to his kids (and stop paying child support) after his ex-wife spirited them out of the state to a state 1000 miles away. He had been in the midst of a battle in court in attempt to get custody of the kids and his ex was able to find a loop-hole which let her leave the state. The boys were later adopted by her new husband.

It's one of those complicated things. He actually *wanted* his kids and I don't know why he gave them up...except that he was later to go into rehab twice so there no doubt was drinking and drugging going on (but I think it was going on with his ex too). It has been painful for my family, especially my brother, who loves kids. I send the boys cards twice a year so they know they can get hold of their biological dad if they want to. We did see one at my mother's funeral but my brother was unable to continue a connection with him. Like I said, complicated.

Anyway, sounds like your ex does not give a fig for his kid, so if I were you I would look into it. I'm just writing to let you know that it has been done before. My brother signed an agreement that he wouldn't try to contact his kids until they're 21. I hope though that if your ex later becomes a better person that you won't prevent your child from seeing him.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing this varies by state, but when I used to do the payroll for my parents' business, we had to withhold and send to the state funds for child support for a couple of the employees. Doesn't the state go after dads who don't pay?

[Anonymous]

Parental rights can be terminated by consent in (as far as I know) all states. When the rights are terminated, the parents who has relinquished his or her rights is, in the eyes of the law, no longer a parent. There is no legal relationship between the biological parent and the child. This can only be accomplished after a there has been an opportunity to be heard by the court (when the parent whose rights are being terminated objects to the termination) or by consent. It cannot be accomplished when the custodial parent objects and the state is not seeking to terminate the parental rights of the noncustodial parent, precisely because states do not want irresponsible parents to be able to take themselves off the hook. But if the custodial parent wants to take on the sole responsibility, no one will stop them. And once done, it is done...unless the legal parent consents to an adoption. In some states, the parent whose rights have been terminated MAY be able to seek some type of visitation, though as a third party (not a parent).

Of course, an absentee parent whose parental rights have not been terminated has an obligation to support that child unless and until parental rights are terminated. So long as both parents retain a legal relationship to the child, both have an obligation to support that child, either directly or through child support.

OP, I would think long and hard before agreeing to let the father terminate. Even if he is not paying now, he is accruing an obligation to you. Which he will owe until he pays. Why let him off the hook and shoulder the burden yourself. But I don;t know you or the particulars of your situation and I know there may be very good reasons for wanting him out of your lives. Since this seems to be coming down to more than just dollars and cents, I think you should talk to people close to the situation and consider what is in your children's best interests.