S. Arlington and Mean Kindergarteners

[Anonymous]

Folks who have kids at Campbell or Drew especially, can you tell me whether your experience has been better than mine? We are a month into K at Claremont, and we like the school/program, but the other children are breathtaking in their aggressiveness.

For context, I have an outgoing, well socialized kid who did great at a private Montessori school, and these encounters are completely alien. I don't know if it's that Montessori really does deliver on the empathy/community front, or whether private schools simply can kick out the mean kids, or whether it's all about size (it certainly seems like kids are thrown to the wolves in a big public school classroom in a way they weren't in our old school, which went up through upper el btw and those kids were all great). Or is it just Claremont? Is something wrong here? Do I just teach my kid to forget all her nice behavior and put up her dukes with the other kids? Or should I have chosen one of the other schools (thus my question about Campbell/Drew)?

Here is the kind of sad statement I have had to hear barely a month into school, "I guess I just have to get used to being tripped and pinched and punched". This has not been isolated to one child or one classroom context (it happens in line, at recess, in the cafeteria, during specials, on the bus, etc). To be fair, when I complained about one child's inappropriate behavior, it was dealt with, and it does sound like the teachers will do something when a kid tells on another kid for hitting...but I am told that the other children actively watch for the teacher's attention to be diverted elsewhere before grabbing her arm and digging their nails into it (this is at least two different children on multiple occasions) or punching her in the chest or pulling her hair. In other words, I feel like I could seek a solution if it were one context or one child. But what is there to discuss with the teacher or even the principal if the problem is pervasive? I don't even know what I should be asking for.

So I just want to know...is this normal? I don't remember kindergarten being quite so mean when I was a kid, but maybe things have changed. Is it worth switching to one of the other schools next year or is this just what I should expect at APS? Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

Deep breath, OP. I know its hard. Keep in mind that your news source is 5 years old. That does NOT mean I don't think it is happening. It just means that some of the exact details can get jumbled. Try to figure out if there really are one or two (or three) specific kids that have definitely made physical contact more than once. Ask kid exactly what it was, and ask what time of day/context it happened.
Then, please tell the teacher. You said yourself that when you brought up an issue earlier, they dealt with it. You need to give the teacher the information, so they can address the issue.
A quick look at some of the other threads will tell you that this is not unique to South Arlington. Judge the school not on the behavior of a kid, but on how well the teacher and administration listen to your concerns and address the problem.

[Anonymous]

I have at least five children's names and full context in each case; my kid is pretty verbal. I have no doubt I could raise a fuss each time and the teacher would do something. I'm not inclined to blame the teacher; what can she do other than react to the incidents she knows about? What I'm concerned about is the community. The very notion that there are this many kids who have this much anger inside of them...what's going on? Have we been in a bubble up until now? This is normal at all public schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have at least five children's names and full context in each case; my kid is pretty verbal. I have no doubt I could raise a fuss each time and the teacher would do something. I'm not inclined to blame the teacher; what can she do other than react to the incidents she knows about? What I'm concerned about is the community. The very notion that there are this many kids who have this much anger inside of them...what's going on? Have we been in a bubble up until now? This is normal at all public schools?

No, but not all public schools are in South Arlington. There are reasons why it's cheaper, you know. You're now discovering one of them.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry to hear this has happened to your kiddo. Sounds like a tough way to start K. You may run into some of the same issues at Drew or Campbell.

[Anonymous]

Be honest... is this the Anglo kids or the non-Anglo kids?

[Anonymous]

Taught in the projects many years ago. Unfortunately, some of the kids only knew how to "communicate" physically. My advice: tell your kid to avoid the ones that hurt him. Hang near the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Also, I suggest you tell him to look these kids in the eye and tell them that he wants to be their friend--but that friends don't hurt other people. Sometimes, the direct approach is the best. If it continues, then you must talk to the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I suggest you tell him to look these kids in the eye and tell them that he wants to be their friend--but that friends don't hurt other people. Sometimes, the direct approach is the best. If it continues, then you must talk to the teacher.

Make sure you tell them in Spanish.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised more people don't post about these types of social challenges in majority FARMS schools. Schools just can't manage issues like this no matter how good the administration and how able the teachers. A primary reason I would never send my child to a school with a FARMS rate approaching 50%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised more people don't post about these types of social challenges in majority FARMS schools. Schools just can't manage issues like this no matter how good the administration and how able the teachers. A primary reason I would never send my child to a school with a FARMS rate approaching 50%.

I agree. We learned the hard way.

[Anonymous]

All the money poured into education since the 60's and they still don't get it. It's not the teachers' fault. It is exhausting playing referee all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks who have kids at Campbell or Drew especially, can you tell me whether your experience has been better than mine? We are a month into K at Claremont, and we like the school/program, but the other children are breathtaking in their aggressiveness.

For context, I have an outgoing, well socialized kid who did great at a private Montessori school, and these encounters are completely alien. I don't know if it's that Montessori really does deliver on the empathy/community front, or whether private schools simply can kick out the mean kids, or whether it's all about size (it certainly seems like kids are thrown to the wolves in a big public school classroom in a way they weren't in our old school, which went up through upper el btw and those kids were all great). Or is it just Claremont? Is something wrong here? Do I just teach my kid to forget all her nice behavior and put up her dukes with the other kids? Or should I have chosen one of the other schools (thus my question about Campbell/Drew)?

Here is the kind of sad statement I have had to hear barely a month into school, "I guess I just have to get used to being tripped and pinched and punched". This has not been isolated to one child or one classroom context (it happens in line, at recess, in the cafeteria, during specials, on the bus, etc). To be fair, when I complained about one child's inappropriate behavior, it was dealt with, and it does sound like the teachers will do something when a kid tells on another kid for hitting...but I am told that the other children actively watch for the teacher's attention to be diverted elsewhere before grabbing her arm and digging their nails into it (this is at least two different children on multiple occasions) or punching her in the chest or pulling her hair. In other words, I feel like I could seek a solution if it were one context or one child. But what is there to discuss with the teacher or even the principal if the problem is pervasive? I don't even know what I should be asking for.

So I just want to know...is this normal? I don't remember kindergarten being quite so mean when I was a kid, but maybe things have changed. Is it worth switching to one of the other schools next year or is this just what I should expect at APS? Thanks in advance.

Amazing how any reference to "South Arlington" brings out the racists. Go under your bridges, folks.

OP, next time you might want not to ref specific schools or your part of Arlingon...unless you were looking for these kinds of replies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taught in the projects many years ago. Unfortunately, some of the kids only knew how to "communicate" physically. My advice: tell your kid to avoid the ones that hurt him. Hang near the teacher.

There are no "projects" in Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest... is this the Anglo kids or the non-Anglo kids?

Yeah! White kids are perfect!