Making New Friends

[Anonymous]

I moved to the DC area 10 years ago. For the first 3 years, I focused entirely on being married, bought a home, my career which I worked very long hours at, and then got pregnant. The next 5 or 6 years have been focused on raising my kids and we built a new home. Now that the dust has finally settled and my second child is in Kindergarten I realized that I didn't spend any time trying to form new meaningful friendships since moving to this area. I do work part-time so I am not a bored SAHM. I find it difficult at this stage in my life to make new girlfriends. You know, someone to go shopping with or grab lunch. Is this typical? I've reached out to other mom's for playdates for our children, hoping that that could start a friendship, but it typically doesn't. I've invited a few mom's out for dinner, and then the invitation is not reciprocated. I find myself reaching out but no one reaches back out. I don't think it is me, as I am a genuinely nice person. My husband is always telling me that I need to be mean when people do me wrong.

Do other mom's have this experience also? Especially transplants from other parts of the country? Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

you need to find a hobby and use that to build friends that you share commonalities with

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat OP and I really think it's this area. I work in DC, but live out in Arlington. It's hard when I meet people to be able to meet up after work or on weekends because we all live so far away from each other. I was hoping when I move I'll make good neighbor friends?

[Anonymous]

I agree. Its really hard to make new friends here. I reach out all the time and it seems that women are just always too busy.

[Anonymous]

Sadly this is just a busy area. We all work longer hours, have longer commutes and running basic errands takes longer because of the traffic. All of that adds up to basically no free time

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm in the same boat. Been living in this area for 3 years, so not as long as you, and have yet to make a single friend. Not that I haven't tried. I would like to make friends with other moms (I have a toddler), but like you, my attempts to reach out are futile. True, this is a busy area, but I want and need a social life.

No real suggestions, just commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Yikes! Perhaps the people in DC are just not friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the DC area 10 years ago. For the first 3 years, I focused entirely on being married, bought a home, my career which I worked very long hours at, and then got pregnant. The next 5 or 6 years have been focused on raising my kids and we built a new home. Now that the dust has finally settled and my second child is in Kindergarten I realized that I didn't spend any time trying to form new meaningful friendships since moving to this area. I do work part-time so I am not a bored SAHM. I find it difficult at this stage in my life to make new girlfriends. You know, someone to go shopping with or grab lunch. Is this typical? I've reached out to other mom's for playdates for our children, hoping that that could start a friendship, but it typically doesn't. I've invited a few mom's out for dinner, and then the invitation is not reciprocated. I find myself reaching out but no one reaches back out. I don't think it is me, as I am a genuinely nice person. My husband is always telling me that I need to be mean when people do me wrong.

Do other mom's have this experience also? Especially transplants from other parts of the country? Any suggestions?

maybe you are just a bitch??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the DC area 10 years ago. For the first 3 years, I focused entirely on being married, bought a home, my career which I worked very long hours at, and then got pregnant. The next 5 or 6 years have been focused on raising my kids and we built a new home. Now that the dust has finally settled and my second child is in Kindergarten I realized that I didn't spend any time trying to form new meaningful friendships since moving to this area. I do work part-time so I am not a bored SAHM. I find it difficult at this stage in my life to make new girlfriends. You know, someone to go shopping with or grab lunch. Is this typical? I've reached out to other mom's for playdates for our children, hoping that that could start a friendship, but it typically doesn't. I've invited a few mom's out for dinner, and then the invitation is not reciprocated. I find myself reaching out but no one reaches back out. I don't think it is me, as I am a genuinely nice person. My husband is always telling me that I need to be mean when people do me wrong.

Do other mom's have this experience also? Especially transplants from other parts of the country? Any suggestions?

maybe you are just a bitch??

also meant to add I am a SAHM, not bored and don't have problems making friends-I have a mix of work, part time, sah female friends but I don't judge people so maybe that helps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes! Perhaps the people in DC are just not friendly.

This is true. All of my college friends who moved here for jobs say that all the time.

[Anonymous]

OP, I do think there are some people who sort of stop socializing once they have kids, except to do things for the kids. So maybe you're just reaching out to the wrong kind of people? When you chat with people, see if you can get a sense of whether they get babysitters and go out without the kids, or go out for girls dinners, so you can see if they're the type who might reciprocate. I think you may just need to look harder to find like-minded people who WANT to start friendships. I have made several new friends through my son's school but it's certainly not ALL of the parents, just a few of the ones who seem to be interested in getting together outside of kid stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you need to find a hobby and use that to build friends that you share commonalities with

+1, in fact I have entirely given up on friends in this area after futile attempts, and just focus on my interests, and meet people along the way pursuing these. Anyways I do enjoy this better.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat. We moved here two years ago with two teenage kids and I've no idea how to make friends. I have work friends I grab coffee with and a few neighbors I say "hi" to but that's about it. I've been thinking about taking up a hobby or joining a church to meet people. Honestly, though, I don't want to joing organized groups or activities, I just want a couple of people to "hang" with or invite over to dinner once in a while. Not sure I have any answers, OP.

[Anonymous]

maybe i'm wrong, but it sounds like op did the very thing she's complaining about for 10 years, which is put friendships on the backburner. who knows how many people were initially interested in a friendship with her that she perhaps didn't even notice. why blame the dc area when you're guilty of the same?

[Anonymous]

We've been here 5 years, and now that it's time to go, I don't want to because I don't want to leave my friends. I met most through sports, my husband's job (I WAH), and my son's daycare.

I sympathize with those of you who are struggling, but please don't blame DC. That's a major cop out.