Etiquette question about birthday thank-yous

[Anonymous]

We had a birthday party this morning. When we opened gifts at home, there was one gift with no card or identifying information. I figured we would just figure it out by process of elimination, but then it turned out that in addition to the mystery gift, we had at the same time received one fewer present than children attending. So, I was thus able to narrow it down to two children but now I don't know which of the two brought the unidentified gift, and which one didn't bring anything/forgot. Do I email both of them and say something like, "So sorry to have to ask, but there was an unidentified gift and I'm trying to figure it out so that I can properly thank everyone--did you bring X?"

I am a strong believer in thank-you notes and so I do need to know in order to write them, but at the same time I don't want to embarrass whichever mother forgot to bring a gift, nor do I want them to think that we are somehow gift-obsessed, LOL.

Any advice would be welcome. Thanks!

[zumbamama]

That happened to me also—I was writing down who gave what as DC opened his gifts, but in the frenzy, I missed the last two. So for those two, I had DC write "Thank you for coming to my party and for the lovely gift."

[Anonymous]

Hi, I hope this isn't hijacking the thread but I have a similar question: we also were one gift short. I would be fine with writing "thank you for coming to our party" as suggested by a PP, but what if they really did give a gift and it got misplaced somehow? Then I would feel bad for not acknowledging the gift, but I hesitate to ask them, because I don't want to embarrass them. Any ideas as to what to do?

[Anonymous]

I would wait a day or two before sending out those two thank you cards. If someone forgot, it may turn up in your child's backpack on Monday. Otherwise, I would email the mother you know better first, and say, hey I feel stupid, but did you give this gift - the card fell off of a couple and I'm so confused. Then go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would email the mother you know better first, and say, hey I feel stupid, but did you give this gift - the card fell off of a couple and I'm so confused. Then go from there.

Agree with this poster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would email the mother you know better first, and say, hey I feel stupid, but did you give this gift - the card fell off of a couple and I'm so confused. Then go from there.

Agree with this poster

Good advice -- and stress "I just want to be sure everyone gets thanked".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would email the mother you know better first, and say, hey I feel stupid, but did you give this gift - the card fell off of a couple and I'm so confused. Then go from there.

Agree with this poster

Good advice -- and stress "I just want to be sure everyone gets thanked".

I agree too.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks everyone!

[Anonymous]

next time pay attention and make sure the child open the gifts while everybody is at the party.

if you "miss" a card the person can raise their hand and say IT WAS ME.

the child can say THANK YOU and give hugs/kisses right there and exercise good manners too.

and you keep writing down who gave what so you'll be all set to start the thank you notes next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:next time pay attention and make sure the child open the gifts while everybody is at the party.

if you "miss" a card the person can raise their hand and say IT WAS ME.

the child can say THANK YOU and give hugs/kisses right there and exercise good manners too.

and you keep writing down who gave what so you'll be all set to start the thank you notes next day.

I have to politely disagree with this, at least for children under the age of about 8 or so. IMHO, it is way too tedious for younger children to sit while all the presents are opened (my goodness, at our last party there were 20 kids, and opening the presents at home took more than an hour); it is a much better use of party time to actually be doing something fun.