In your experience, what are the pros and cons of incorporating a separation agreement in divorce?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure if it should be incorporated. We signed it a couple years ago and a lot of things have changed. I know I should I ask my lawyer but want some first hand experience. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

We did not have a separation agreement for years prior to the actual divorce, but my lawyer requested that the separation agreement stand as a separate agreement from the divorce. So it was referenced in the actual divorce complaint but then attached like an exhibit (I don't remember for sure). We signed it and got it notarized separately, and the court's job was basically to say "The parties have drafted an agreement that contains the following things. That agreement went into effect on X date. If they want to amend it, they must follow the process laid out in that agreement before resorting to a court solution."

[Anonymous]

This is second-hand so take it for what it's worth.

I think it depends on what's in the separation agreement and if the details in it are what you want to remain long-term. My DH and his ex separated and he agreed to a number of things in that agreement simply for expediency at the time to provide for his DD. Separation occurred pre-internet days and he was heading overseas with the military. The agreement was really intended to be a stop-gap until the divorce was complete but instead in his absence his lawyer agreed to wrapping it into the divorce agreement which left lots of long-term holes.

For example, the sep agreement detailed the child support he would pay to her since in that moment in time his DD was going to live with his soon to be ex. Looking back, the divorce decree should probably have provided for the possibility of either parent having primary physical custody and the requirement for child support from her to him if primary custody changed.

This is only one example, and possibly not the best one but in my experience the long-term repercussions of an agreement that wasn't forward thinking has been challenging. Having read a lot on DCUM over the years, I'd think you'd want a divorce agreement to be more wide-ranging than the initial separation agreement likely is.

[Anonymous]

A separation agreement is intended to be a stop-gap measure. It is not intended to protect the legal interests of either party as strongly as either party may want them protected. It is often not designed in a way that considers issues a year or two down the road.

For some people they find that once they are under a legally binding agreement they can get along and co-parent again without having to run to the agreement for exact details all the time - for these people it might work. For people who are always having to live strictly by the terms of the agreement I would think a much more thought out agreement would be better going forward.

For instance there was a thread not to long ago about a parent who disagreed with an ex on taking the DC on a vacation that would result in missing school and they were arguing about it pretty heavily. If you find you and your ex (or soon to be) cannot avoid this type of thing and work to agreeable solutions do not just use the separation agreement.

[Anonymous]

The PP who said that the Separation Agreement is meant to be a stop-gap measure is categorically incorrect. So, so wrong. Unless there are paragraphs directly relating to kids (custody/child support), nothing in the agreements can be changed.

In Virginia, once you sign an agreement, then you are stuck with it and the judge will not make any ruling or decision that is against the agreement.