Pretty sure MIL offended my friend. Should I apologize on her behalf?

[Anonymous]

We had lunch with some friends while my MIL was in town this weekend. She made a typical, bigoted comment like " don't you think gay people break up more often/go through more partners than straight people, don't you agree?" Unbeknownst to her, my friend's mom is gay. I just shut it down and said, "no, in my experience, that is absolutely not the case, can you please pass the Parmesan cheese?"

Should I call or email my friend to apologize for my MIL's behavior or just let it go?

[Anonymous]

I would let it go, your friend knows you do not control your MIL nor did you get to pick who she is as a person.

[Anonymous]

Let it go but next time you see her bring it up lightly and say "sigh, MILs" or something.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you responded well in person. I wouldn't think you need to apologize on her behalf, but you could always bring it up in person with your friend--venting at how frustrating and bigoted your MIL can be.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. And there was this gem as they were leaving this morning "thanks for letting us see the kids, we know you are so busy." We have never ever NOT let them see the kids, we visit them twice per year and they come and stay with us twice per year. WTF?? And apparently she made some snide remark to my husband this morning about daycare but he was too mad to tell me at the time.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I would apologize to your friend- not that you speak for your MIL but I would want to acknowledge that your MIL said something shitty and you feel bad that your MIL made everyone uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. And there was this gem as they were leaving this morning "thanks for letting us see the kids, we know you are so busy." We have never ever NOT let them see the kids, we visit them twice per year and they come and stay with us twice per year. WTF?? And apparently she made some snide remark to my husband this morning about daycare but he was too mad to tell me at the time.

What did she say about daycare? I'd stop seeing her 4 times a year -- sounds like twice, at most, would be best.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I don't know. They went with DH to drop off the kids because they said they wanted to see their new classrooms. The little one's room was a little chaotic because someone was having a hard time separating from her mom.

I texted DH to ask how it went. He said "not well, she made a comment about about parents and daycare and I lost my cool. Tell you about it tonight."

What other fun stories from this weekend? Well, she is constantly trashing the parenting choices of her daughter who has 2 kids with autism and is practically killing herself trying to do the best for the kids, mentioned that the movie The Butler is a left wing/Hollywood conspiracy to trash Reagan's reputation and sulked for a whole day because my FIL and DH watched highlights from my nephew's football game while she was in the shower instead of waiting for her.

Good grief - I don't know how she goes through life wrapped in so much negativity.

[Anonymous]

OP here - just heard from DH -MIL said, in response to seeing a little girl having trouble separating from her dad at drop off, "people just don't care what they do to their kids, they just don't care about the trauma their kids are experiencing."

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a gem! Oy.

Sounds like you handled the lunch situation well - good for you for responding quickly and cutting her off. I wouldn't worry about it.

But I feel for you with the rest of it!

[Anonymous]

Not to stir the pot more but I would have a really hard time not mentioning something to my MIL - "you know, my friend you met at lunch, her mother is gay and has been a relationship for 10 years...."

[Anonymous]

OP again- I hear you PP but I've tried to have these conversations with her in the past and it never goes well. She would just get defensive and say "we'll I wasn't saying anything about her specifically". She is incapable of seeing how generalized comments can be hurtful to individuals. Also, she has an openly gay brother (currently single but has had two 10+ year relationships and a gay brother in law. So, she should know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. And there was this gem as they were leaving this morning "thanks for letting us see the kids, we know you are so busy." We have never ever NOT let them see the kids, we visit them twice per year and they come and stay with us twice per year. WTF?? And apparently she made some snide remark to my husband this morning about daycare but he was too mad to tell me at the time.

I can't tell what's wrong with this remark. It sounds like she was trying to acknowledge that you're busy, and that she appreciated your efforts.

While the gay remark was not nice, sounds to me like you're just looking for something to bitch about.

[Anonymous]

id shoot your friend a quick email apologizing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



Anonymous wrote:
Thanks. And there was this gem as they were leaving this morning "thanks for letting us see the kids, we know you are so busy." We have never ever NOT let them see the kids, we visit them twice per year and they come and stay with us twice per year. WTF?? And apparently she made some snide remark to my husband this morning about daycare but he was too mad to tell me at the time.



I can't tell what's wrong with this remark. It sounds like she was trying to acknowledge that you're busy, and that she appreciated your efforts.

While the gay remark was not nice, sounds to me like you're just looking for something to bitch about.

I agree with pp.