Soooooooooo dreading the holidays

Anonymous
Already. I do not like my ILs. They are opinionated, insulting and treat my DH like he's still their baby. I am dreading it. Help I need real advice how to get through the holidays.
Anonymous
Ignore the jibes.
Stare at the insults.
Visualize happy things while you're there.
Smile at everybody.
Be evasive so they don't pin anything on you.
Leave as soon as you can.
Anonymous
Limit the time you spend with them.

Christmas Eve or Christma Day you don't need to do both. Thanksgiving just go for the meal, offer to bring a dish that you can make at home to limit your time at the inlaws. I also find larger groups help so of possible include extended family, my FIL is less of an ass in front of aunts, cousins than just us.
Anonymous
I hear you, OP. I hate how my MIL interacts with my DH. She plays this, "you're so smart, I'm so dumb, you're so strong, I'm so weak," game that makes me want to smack her.
Anonymous
Don't engage them in any way. Answer with one or two word answers. I'm not suggesting that you be rude, but, rather don't engage them. In our house, I found that as long as I keep a glass of wine handy and nod and say "um hum" that the conversation lulls and the evening ends early. It took me 15 years to figure it out. Worked like a charm on the last visit.
Anonymous
I pretend I'm on a Bravo reality show, and that Andy will be asking me about my reactions on a reunion show. Do I want him to say, "Why did you lose your cool so much? Why couldn't you take a joke?" or "How did you keep your cool so well? Did you feel bad for them that they come across so poorly?"
Anonymous
From OP - great advice. Should have said that we have to stay the long weekend with them!
Anonymous
Have just enough booze to make you giddy, but enough to make you a truth-teller.

Smile a lot. Change subject as needed. Don't join the gossip. If the insults drive you nuts, save your tears for your husband so he feels guilty as hell subjecting you to them and if he doesn't defend you, cry some more.

Keep things short and sweet. Make sure you and your DH agree to only stay for an allotted amount of time.
Anonymous
All day shopping on Black Friday on your own. Keep kids occupied outside for long periods of time (yours. Someone else's. the dog. Whatever). Go to a movie. Offer to run out to the store if anyone forgot anything. Go to the store two towns away. Do the food prep no one else wants to do your own way in your own time. Four hours to peel potatoes? Who cares. No one else wants to do it. Take leaves. With headphones on.

Rinse. Repeat.
Anonymous
Just tell them that you're not coming. Why should you waste your holiday around individuals who are going to annoy you? Your in-laws don't get a pass to destroy your holidays. As a matter of fact, my in-laws know not to invite us during the holidays. I usually have Thanksgiving dinner at my house and invite a few friends who don't have relatives in the area. Spending the holidays with friends is so much more enjoyable and less hectic than dealing with relatives.
Anonymous
What is the definition of insanity?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. I hate how my MIL interacts with my DH. She plays this, "you're so smart, I'm so dumb, you're so strong, I'm so weak," game that makes me want to smack her.


Is this every mil and her son or just yours and mine? I want to strangle her... Constantly.
Anonymous
Boundaries. Decide now exactly when they are permitted to invade ur space. Don't let them monopolize every holiday. If u have to fib and say u r going somewhere thanksgiving day or Xmas eve or whatever
Anonymous
Start drinking before they show up and don't stop until they're gone
Anonymous
^^^This. I've only recently realized that my hurt and frustration at the continued scapegoating that occurs when I visit family for the holidays is, in part, because of my own failure to set boundaries.
There is no rule that says you have to go. There's no rule that says you have to stay the entire time, dropping by for dessert that day or a lunch of leftovers the next day is fine.
You are not obligated to grin through disrespectful comments and treatment either. Politely excuse yourself and leave if you're uncomfortable.
Do what is best for you to keepP your sanity and boundaries intact.
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