What to do when other kids are filming?

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm naive (and I know I'm smartphone-less), but I didn't realize so many 5th graders have smartphones. Today DD had a brand-new friend over (along with a more familiar friend) and apparently they were filming a "music video" downstairs with the new friend's smartphone. I had no clue until the new friend suddenly "had" to go home and I heard the other girls asking Smartphone Girl to delete the video. She said she did, but from everything DD told me later, I have my suspicions.

After everyone left I asked my DD what was going on. She says they were just acting silly miming to songs, the friend filmed it, and she realized how stupid it looked and didn't want the friend to pass the video along. She assures me it had nothing to do with clothing; everyone was fully dressed. She seemed to think it was a big joke. And she apparently wasn't thinking about the fact that videos can be uploaded for the whole world to see.

I'm not too concerned about the content of the video. If the new friend passes it along, DD may get teased because it looks dumb.

I am very, very concerned that DD is so clueless about being filmed. (And, to be honest, I'm beyond furious that some idiot gave his daughter an iPhone and I'm having to worry about cyberbullying two years before middle school.)

What even are the guidelines you tell tweens about this sort of stuff? I basically said that anytime anyone has a camera around, she should act as though her dad and I--or, even better, the principal--had just walked into the room and was watching every move. I know I scared her a little, which is fine, since as I said, I had no idea there was such a gap between her and some of her peers.

And what I am supposed to do? Confiscate phones at the door? Follow the girls around like I did when they were two so they don't get into trouble?

[Anonymous]

First of all, relax. This is not so different from kids clowning around with still cameras. The only issue is if this child plans to upload the video onto the internet, which I doubt. It just sounds like kids having fun videotaping each other adn watching the tape back. Seems pretty harmless. I would not confiscate the phone at the door or follow the girls. If you really are anxious about it you might check in with the other mom, "Hey, I just want to make sure your daughter doesn't upload the films."

I have no idea why you are worrying about cyber bullying. It just sounds like your imagination is taking you on some loops. Smart phones are a reality (though i agree that 5th grade is young) that you will have to get used to. They are not evil in themselves. Teach her common sense rules -- that every picture can find its way on the internet. but don't become hysterical about it because you will lose credibility.

[Anonymous]

I actually DO confiscate phones at the door. You did not come over to my house to sit in my child's room and screw around on your phone while my kids try to avoid looking desperate while also trying to talk you into hanging out with them.

So yeah. The kids come in, let their parents know they've arrived here, and then leave their phones with me. If they need to call a friend to come over, they do that and then put down the phone again.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm worried about cyberbullying because of details I didn't share above (since my post was long enough): the new friend is a queen bee who has teased DD in the past and has never been to our house. She came along with the old friend, and frankly, I was surprised to see her. When she had to leave so quickly, I wondered if filming a potentially humiliating video wasn't the whole purpose of the visit. DD said this girl told her she'll come back and they'll do it again.

DD is pretty easily played, and as I mentioned, she doesn't know thing one about smartphones. I overheard her asking all sorts of questions to the queen bee, and the queen bee seemed very amused she'd never heard of Siri, etc.

I don't know the mom, at all. I had thought only the old friend was coming over and was a little taken aback when the queen bee showed up with her. So, there's another story behind all this.

[Anonymous]

OP again. 20:46, that sounds reasonable to me, especially since my kids are so young. I know smartphones aren't going anywhere, and feel free to call me old-timey, but I also didn't appreciate someone filming the inside of my home without my knowledge.

[Anonymous]

You are afraid of a video where your child was acting silly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are afraid of a video where your child was acting silly?

Acting silly to you and me, but it could potentially used to tease OPs child. I thought OP was overreacting till she said queen bee shows up out of the blue, films then suddenly leaves. OP, keep an eye out the next few days.

[Anonymous]

OP,

The kid with the smart phone probably didn't think twice about it. Technology is so ubiquitous that attitudes of kids are going to be very different than adults.

I definitely think it's wise to anticipate how your kid will encounter today's technology and educate her on making good choices. You might find some good tips on the Common Sense Media blog and Internet Safety Library, e.g.,:

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/advice-for-parents/internet-safety-tips-high-school-kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are afraid of a video where your child was acting silly?

Acting silly to you and me, but it could potentially used to tease OPs child. I thought OP was overreacting till she said queen bee shows up out of the blue, films then suddenly leaves. OP, keep an eye out the next few days.

I would ban her from the queen bee but not video. My kids make great videos, very creative, sometimes not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are afraid of a video where your child was acting silly?

Acting silly to you and me, but it could potentially used to tease OPs child. I thought OP was overreacting till she said queen bee shows up out of the blue, films then suddenly leaves. OP, keep an eye out the next few days.

I see it this way too. Hope not, but agree to watch out OP.

[Anonymous]

I think you're putting way too much thought into it. My dd and her friends make videos all the time. They're horribly done and everyone looks like a total dork, but that's what the tween years are all about, right? I would be embarrassed by a video of myself like that, but my daughter (at this point in her life) wouldn't, and it's all in good fun.

As long as the content of the videos is appropriate, just leave it alone and see what happens. I'm not so sure this 5th grade queen bee is out to destroy your dd's childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm worried about cyberbullying because of details I didn't share above (since my post was long enough): the new friend is a queen bee who has teased DD in the past and has never been to our house. She came along with the old friend, and frankly, I was surprised to see her. When she had to leave so quickly, I wondered if filming a potentially humiliating video wasn't the whole purpose of the visit. DD said this girl told her she'll come back and they'll do it again.

DD is pretty easily played, and as I mentioned, she doesn't know thing one about smartphones. I overheard her asking all sorts of questions to the queen bee, and the queen bee seemed very amused she'd never heard of Siri, etc.

I don't know the mom, at all. I had thought only the old friend was coming over and was a little taken aback when the queen bee showed up with her. So, there's another story behind all this.

I'm 20:39 and I wrote that I thought you were over reacting but these details make a huge difference. You have a specific reason to think this girl could be up to no good. If she comes back I would follow the advice of others and just say that smart phones aren't allowed and take it at the door. You can say its your rule for everyone but I would only use it with this girl, or with everyone until you feel better about this girl. She may roll her eyes and not want to play with your DD anymore, but then you'll know that she wasn't interested in your DD, she had another agenda.

[Anonymous]

5th graders with smartphones? Where are you living? We're in a Bethesda ES and don't see this.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all your thoughts. I think taking this particular girl's phone (if she ever returns) is likely the best strategy. The minute I saw her, my radar went up, and at the time I didn't even realize she had a phone with her.

22:28, we're in Fairfax. About a third of the kids seem to have very basic phones, but this is the first girl I've encountered who has her own smartphone. Which is why I wasn't at all prepared for the situation and hadn't given DD any sort of information on how to deal with videos, etc. Guess I need to jump into reading some guidelines. Thanks for the links, 21:11.

[Anonymous]

Lots of 5th graders have smartphones. Kids from divorced homes get them pretty early to facilitate communication. My daughter's friend got an iphone in 3rd or 4th grade.