What are the most common ways women waste their 20s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men denigrate single mothers of all income levels and say that those women did not vet their partner enough.

Men proceed to complain that women’s standards are “unrealistically high.”

Which is it it?

I think they’re more angry at women for having the “wrong” standards not necessarily high standards. Men who are stable, contribute to society, have their life together, but still have trouble attracting women will sometimes get annoyed when they see a woman choose a bad boy player and if she gets knocked up and becomes a single mom then they see it as her getting her comeuppance. I know some women like this who got pregnant at 18-22 by a much older unemployed, broke, but “exciting” loser, these women really did a terrible job at vetting their partners.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

NP here and I hear this sentiment from other women a good deal. I truly don't understand it -- if men are so horrible and constantly derided, why be with them at all? Why not find a woman to spend your life with or be celibate? There are awful dudes out there, and awful women, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with any of them.

A lot of women make this choice once the societal pressure to marry is gone. I know many contented single women in their 40s and beyond.

Content, or philosophically resigned tontheir fate, or putting on a brave face?

Do you actually think a woman cannot be haply without a man? I mean seriously, wtf. But yes, gasp, content.

Women seem unhinged when alone. Men less so. Both suffer from loneliness, to what extent is sensitive to their sex.

It reminds me of Houellebecq’s Elementary Particles, a book about the tragic lives of men and women who grew old in the post-sexual revolution world. On aging alone:
"The whole spiritual thing makes the pickup lines less brutal. Men who grow old have it easier than older women. They drink cheap booze and fall asleep, their breath stinks, then they wake up and start all over again; they tend to die young. Women take tranquilizers, go to yoga classes, see a shrink; they live a lot longer and suffer more. They try to trade on their looks, even when they know their bodies are sad and ugly. They get hurt but they do it anyway, because they can't give up the need to be loved.”

Oh yes, known friend to women, Houellebecq.

He did finally get married a year or two ago. She looks lovely and they appear to be quite happy, despite him aging like a wrung out dish towel. And to be fair, the male protagonists of his novels are even worse off than the women so I think it’s quite even to the despair on both sides.

His books are disgusting and shouldn’t be taken as some kind of roadmap to personal happiness.

Nobody reads his books that way nor is that ever the takeaway from the stories. Like, that’s the whole point. And I didn’t quote the book out of admiration of him as a person, rather that it was art that is pretty true to life.

I mean you are literally quoting him claiming he has some insight into women. he does not. he is a disgusting old dude with major hangups, married to a woman 30 yrs his junior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

NP here and I hear this sentiment from other women a good deal. I truly don't understand it -- if men are so horrible and constantly derided, why be with them at all? Why not find a woman to spend your life with or be celibate? There are awful dudes out there, and awful women, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with any of them.

A lot of women make this choice once the societal pressure to marry is gone. I know many contented single women in their 40s and beyond.

Content, or philosophically resigned tontheir fate, or putting on a brave face?

Do you actually think a woman cannot be haply without a man? I mean seriously, wtf. But yes, gasp, content.

Women seem unhinged when alone. Men less so. Both suffer from loneliness, to what extent is sensitive to their sex.

It reminds me of Houellebecq’s Elementary Particles, a book about the tragic lives of men and women who grew old in the post-sexual revolution world. On aging alone:
"The whole spiritual thing makes the pickup lines less brutal. Men who grow old have it easier than older women. They drink cheap booze and fall asleep, their breath stinks, then they wake up and start all over again; they tend to die young. Women take tranquilizers, go to yoga classes, see a shrink; they live a lot longer and suffer more. They try to trade on their looks, even when they know their bodies are sad and ugly. They get hurt but they do it anyway, because they can't give up the need to be loved.”

Oh yes, known friend to women, Houellebecq.

He did finally get married a year or two ago. She looks lovely and they appear to be quite happy, despite him aging like a wrung out dish towel. And to be fair, the male protagonists of his novels are even worse off than the women so I think it’s quite even to the despair on both sides.

His books are disgusting and shouldn’t be taken as some kind of roadmap to personal happiness.

Nobody reads his books that way nor is that ever the takeaway from the stories. Like, that’s the whole point. And I didn’t quote the book out of admiration of him as a person, rather that it was art that is pretty true to life.

I mean you are literally quoting him claiming he has some insight into women. he does not. he is a disgusting old dude with major hangups, married to a woman 30 yrs his junior.

Ew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

NP here and I hear this sentiment from other women a good deal. I truly don't understand it -- if men are so horrible and constantly derided, why be with them at all? Why not find a woman to spend your life with or be celibate? There are awful dudes out there, and awful women, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with any of them.

A lot of women make this choice once the societal pressure to marry is gone. I know many contented single women in their 40s and beyond.

Content, or philosophically resigned tontheir fate, or putting on a brave face?

Do you actually think a woman cannot be haply without a man? I mean seriously, wtf. But yes, gasp, content.

Women seem unhinged when alone. Men less so. Both suffer from loneliness, to what extent is sensitive to their sex.

It reminds me of Houellebecq’s Elementary Particles, a book about the tragic lives of men and women who grew old in the post-sexual revolution world. On aging alone:
"The whole spiritual thing makes the pickup lines less brutal. Men who grow old have it easier than older women. They drink cheap booze and fall asleep, their breath stinks, then they wake up and start all over again; they tend to die young. Women take tranquilizers, go to yoga classes, see a shrink; they live a lot longer and suffer more. They try to trade on their looks, even when they know their bodies are sad and ugly. They get hurt but they do it anyway, because they can't give up the need to be loved.”

Oh yes, known friend to women, Houellebecq.

He did finally get married a year or two ago. She looks lovely and they appear to be quite happy, despite him aging like a wrung out dish towel. And to be fair, the male protagonists of his novels are even worse off than the women so I think it’s quite even to the despair on both sides.

His books are disgusting and shouldn’t be taken as some kind of roadmap to personal happiness.

Nobody reads his books that way nor is that ever the takeaway from the stories. Like, that’s the whole point. And I didn’t quote the book out of admiration of him as a person, rather that it was art that is pretty true to life.

I mean you are literally quoting him claiming he has some insight into women. he does not. he is a disgusting old dude with major hangups, married to a woman 30 yrs his junior.

Okay, you win

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

NP here and I hear this sentiment from other women a good deal. I truly don't understand it -- if men are so horrible and constantly derided, why be with them at all? Why not find a woman to spend your life with or be celibate? There are awful dudes out there, and awful women, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with any of them.

A lot of women make this choice once the societal pressure to marry is gone. I know many contented single women in their 40s and beyond.

Content, or philosophically resigned tontheir fate, or putting on a brave face?

Do you actually think a woman cannot be haply without a man? I mean seriously, wtf. But yes, gasp, content.

Women seem unhinged when alone. Men less so. Both suffer from loneliness, to what extent is sensitive to their sex.

It reminds me of Houellebecq’s Elementary Particles, a book about the tragic lives of men and women who grew old in the post-sexual revolution world. On aging alone:
"The whole spiritual thing makes the pickup lines less brutal. Men who grow old have it easier than older women. They drink cheap booze and fall asleep, their breath stinks, then they wake up and start all over again; they tend to die young. Women take tranquilizers, go to yoga classes, see a shrink; they live a lot longer and suffer more. They try to trade on their looks, even when they know their bodies are sad and ugly. They get hurt but they do it anyway, because they can't give up the need to be loved.”

Oh yes, known friend to women, Houellebecq.

women should read this guy. Then they should do everything possible to build their own wealth and stay away from loser men. There is a balance. There are more good guys than you think possible. Be the woman who can attract the winners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are both 24, been together for 2 years, both working, one going to grad school next year. Should you insist on engagement before moving with him to new town or wait until he finishes school?

Agree with PP who said only move after marriage. I left a guy after 2 years, although he kept dangling the possibility of engagement. More than 20 years later he has several kids by two exes but has never been married. Looking back, I would not waste time if pressure were necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men denigrate single mothers of all income levels and say that those women did not vet their partner enough.

Men proceed to complain that women’s standards are “unrealistically high.”

Which is it it?

I think they’re more angry at women for having the “wrong” standards not necessarily high standards. Men who are stable, contribute to society, have their life together, but still have trouble attracting women will sometimes get annoyed when they see a woman choose a bad boy player and if she gets knocked up and becomes a single mom then they see it as her getting her comeuppance. I know some women like this who got pregnant at 18-22 by a much older unemployed, broke, but “exciting” loser, these women really did a terrible job at vetting their partners.

Ok, but a lot of the men complaining about this are college-educated, and that's just not what their female peer group is doing in the slightest. If you're in DC, you're educated, employed, over 25, and you still can't a date, the issue is not women's standards. The men I've known who have really struggled with this fit into two categories: totally datable guys who needed to take better pictures for their dating profiles and get a little better at sending messages and then voila, dates, and then men who you got into a room with for five minutes and you could tell why no one was going out with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

NP here and I hear this sentiment from other women a good deal. I truly don't understand it -- if men are so horrible and constantly derided, why be with them at all? Why not find a woman to spend your life with or be celibate? There are awful dudes out there, and awful women, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with any of them.

A lot of women make this choice once the societal pressure to marry is gone. I know many contented single women in their 40s and beyond.

Content, or philosophically resigned tontheir fate, or putting on a brave face?

Do you actually think a woman cannot be haply without a man? I mean seriously, wtf. But yes, gasp, content.

Women seem unhinged when alone. Men less so. Both suffer from loneliness, to what extent is sensitive to their sex.

It reminds me of Houellebecq’s Elementary Particles, a book about the tragic lives of men and women who grew old in the post-sexual revolution world. On aging alone:
"The whole spiritual thing makes the pickup lines less brutal. Men who grow old have it easier than older women. They drink cheap booze and fall asleep, their breath stinks, then they wake up and start all over again; they tend to die young. Women take tranquilizers, go to yoga classes, see a shrink; they live a lot longer and suffer more. They try to trade on their looks, even when they know their bodies are sad and ugly. They get hurt but they do it anyway, because they can't give up the need to be loved.”

Oh yes, known friend to women, Houellebecq.

women should read this guy. Then they should do everything possible to build their own wealth and stay away from loser men. There is a balance. There are more good guys than you think possible. Be the woman who can attract the winners.

yes women should read Houellebecq to make sure they know to run from any man who lists Elementary Particles as their favorite book in their dating profile.

[Anonymous]

Women want sexy, nice, wealthy, educated, ambitious, successful handsome and loyal guys who doesn't argue about division of chores, even if they are earning 70% of the household income.

Men want beautiful models who happen to work as physicians and have great household management skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women want sexy, nice, wealthy, educated, ambitious, successful handsome and loyal guys who doesn't argue about division of chores, even if they are earning 70% of the household income.

Men want beautiful models who happen to work as physicians and have great household management skills.

Wrong. Men want attractive women who are pleasant to be around and enjoy having sex. Your list of what women want is spot-on though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women want sexy, nice, wealthy, educated, ambitious, successful handsome and loyal guys who doesn't argue about division of chores, even if they are earning 70% of the household income.

Men want beautiful models who happen to work as physicians and have great household management skills.

Wrong. Men want attractive women who are pleasant to be around and enjoy having sex. Your list of what women want is spot-on though.

True, men have no idea how much work goes into having a home and a family or they assume someone will take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women want sexy, nice, wealthy, educated, ambitious, successful handsome and loyal guys who doesn't argue about division of chores, even if they are earning 70% of the household income.

Men want beautiful models who happen to work as physicians and have great household management skills.

Wrong. Men want attractive women who are pleasant to be around and enjoy having sex. Your list of what women want is spot-on though.

Ambitious men always wanted trophy wives, trophy meant beautiful and hot but now it means also having an equally impressive career and income for securing power couple status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women want sexy, nice, wealthy, educated, ambitious, successful handsome and loyal guys who doesn't argue about division of chores, even if they are earning 70% of the household income.

Men want beautiful models who happen to work as physicians and have great household management skills.

Wrong. Men want attractive women who are pleasant to be around and enjoy having sex. Your list of what women want is spot-on though.

Ambitious men always wanted trophy wives, trophy meant beautiful and hot but now it means also having an equally impressive career and income for securing power couple status.

Uh, no. No one with a Y chromosome gives a damn about “power couple status”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women want sexy, nice, wealthy, educated, ambitious, successful handsome and loyal guys who doesn't argue about division of chores, even if they are earning 70% of the household income.

Men want beautiful models who happen to work as physicians and have great household management skills.

Wrong. Men want attractive women who are pleasant to be around and enjoy having sex. Your list of what women want is spot-on though.

Ambitious men always wanted trophy wives, trophy meant beautiful and hot but now it means also having an equally impressive career and income for securing power couple status.

Uh, no. No one with a Y chromosome gives a damn about “power couple status”.

I’m a guy earning a relatively high income and I definitely wouldn’t mind a woman earning what I make or even more. I’m not gonna hold my breath for a woman like that who I’m attracted to though, because I’m not that much of a catch myself. If I could only have one I would choose a physically attractive young woman without the career.

[Anonymous]

37 yo man here. Never married. Ex military officer and now run a successful DoD contracting business. I’m ready to settle down before I’m too old for raising kids. All I want is a younger woman (in her mid 20s) who is down to build a family. Don’t care for her career or education. The 30+ women I have dated just didn’t click for me.