Freshman been gone 3 weeks is unhappy

[Anonymous]

My son is out of state. Having trouble with the homesickness. He has always had friendship issues and that seems to have followed him. He wants to apply instate for next year.

[Anonymous]

Take it from someone whos been there. It DOES get better. What happens is the first week there's all this excitement, then the dust settles and suddenly it is well known that come 3rd and 4th week...many kids get homesick. Its a huge adjustment that takes time. The best thing you can do is let him know you believe in him to stay strong and go the distance. Be there to support him and be sure he knows that but at the same time, help him to be resilient, millions of kids are going through the same thing and above all...encourage him to join clubs that interest him, that is singlehandledly the best way to meet kids with common interests. Best of luck..I know it pulls on your heartstrings!

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for that. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

In reality, 3 weeks is a very, very short time. Even for kids who are very good at making friends and getting plugged in, this is a rough time. As PP said, the dust is settling and the realization that one is not going home kicks in about now. Be strong for him and keep encouraging him to get involved and continue to meet people,

[Anonymous]

I have very clear memories of being a freshman almost 30 years ago and feeling lonely that first month. I was about 4 hours from home (in MA, home was NJ). I remember thinking about how life was continuing on at home without me. I didn't have a a lot of friends yet because I'd been at school for less than a month. And then it turned around by the end of October.

[Anonymous]

He needs to find a group to get him connected. Have him find a club, interest group, religious group, anything that has a welcoming group of people he can find common ground with.

I had a hard time my first few weeks at college too. My roommate was a total psycho, my hall was full of girls who were rushing sororities (not my thing), I was miserable and lonely. It wasn't until I found my people that I started to adjust.

[Anonymous]

My D was ready to come home this time last year, crying every night..you have no idea. By Thanksgiving she didn't even want to come home for the holiday. I can almost assure you things will get a lot better and agree about the suggestion for him to join clubs, getting involved is the best way to keep busy and meet other kids who trust me are in his boat too.

[Anonymous]

Give it time, so many kids go through this. 3 weeks is still early. It might be a month or two until he gets into a groove and is happy but nearly all kids do adjust. Give him encouragement and gentle prodding that this is all normal and the adjustment is part of the journey.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the others that it gets better but you should also know that colleges have counseling centers and this is pretty standard fare. Its not a bad idea for him to get on their radar screen if you think he might be depressed and there's no downside for him to talk to someone. It might also take some of this stressful burden off of you.