anxiety over inlaws

[Anonymous]

does anyone else get terrible anxiety anytime they have upcoming visits with their inlaws?

the week prior to them coming to visit or us going to see them is just crazy. i'm moody, i get headaches, i am nervous - just thinking about them coming gives me the sweats. its miserable for me and for my husband. its a borderline panic attack every time.

if this happens to you - what do you do?

[Anonymous]

absolutely when there is tension in the family. I get stressed the entire week before the event. I basically try to calm myself by drinking a couple of glasses of wine. It usually ends the day after we see them. If you're really bad, you should go to the doctor to get xanax or similar.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I have nightmare in-laws. I take xanex before and during visit. I seem to be able to handle all sorts of stress med free when they aren't around. Recently found out my BIL (he also married into this nightmare family) also takes xanex to deal with them. He said their couple's therapy sessions seem to focus on setting boundaries with them and discussing whether the relationship with these people is even healthy for them and their children. that We had one in-law declare us dead and it has been pure bliss not dealing with her.

[Anonymous]

yes. already stressed about tgiving.
in laws are horrid and DH is no picnic around them either.

[Anonymous]

i drink so much wine when my ILs are here. In fact, I am on a detox right now because they were just here and I felt so bad physically from too much wine and junk food and stress.

[Anonymous]

Yup, same thing happens to me. The only thing that has helped is to have them stay in hotel instead of with us. MIL doesn't like it but it saved my sanity and even when the entire day sucks, DH and I to know we have morning and nighttime on our own.

[Anonymous]

Yes. And I drink heavily while they visit and work longer hours.

[Anonymous]

Yes! It's incredibly stressful when they are here and DH gets so moody and argumentative around them. It's miserable but my kids love them so we suffer through

[Anonymous]

yes. they are the reason I have a bottle of valium in my medicine cabinet

[Anonymous]

Just curious, how open are you with DH about your issues with your in-laws?

[Anonymous]

I can't say a word to my otherwise reasonable DH about mine without him getting very tense and insulted. Defensive. Irrationally so.

[Anonymous]

Same here. I am not allowed to say thing one to my DH about his parents, he just clams up completely. I don't want to have an inappropriate vent session with him, but if he doesn't acknowledge that my MIL was unkind to me when she was, then I feel crazy and isolated. After they leave, I usually have a big cry to my DH, then it all blows over...till next time. Already dreading the next visit.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws just left from being here 12 days. It was probably one of the worst visits ever. A lot of things that were said just needed to be said.

I went to pick them up at the mall and found my 8 year old sitting in the food court alone. MIL and FIL were getting their lunch as well as my other childs lunch. They smashed the front bumper of my car while borrowing it to do some errands and then went to home depot to purchase a plunger to take the dent out which worked, but there's a huge scratch on the bumper, no apology and no offering to pay for the damage.

I'll be happy to not see them for the next 12 months, which hopefully will happen since they live out west and we have no plans to visit them.

[Anonymous]

Yes, get cold sores when they come because of stress I just smile, stay detached, compartmentalize, continue to love DH and call a good friend to vent so I don't vent to DH. Oh, and I don't drink because I get too emotional. Stay even and in control.

[Anonymous]

I am down to seeing MIL about 4 times per year and she lives locally. Visits are usually a half day. I keep myself busy cooking or cleaning up from serving a meal. I really have it down to a science and it has definitely helped to deal with any anxiety to have a fairly rigid plan of what is happening during each visit.