Totally depressed

[Anonymous]

Anyone else get to the end of their rope while TTC and start antidepressants?

After years of TTC hell, I started Zoloft about 2 months ago. I recently stopped and have been crying every day since. Well actually I cried a lot even while I was on it so its hard for me to know if this medication made any difference. I dont know if my latest funk is related to the fact that I'm about to start my period, the toll that all of this is taking on me, or one of several other major life events going on unrelated to infertility which are insanely stressful in themselves. I guess it's a combo. All I know is that feeling this way is miserable. It's a perfectly fine holiday weekend and I can't get myself out of bed.

I really don't want my happiness to depend on whether or not I end up with a baby, but quite frankly it does.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry you're feeling depressed. I can totally sympathize. I spent most of this spring and summer unable to leave the house most weekends.

I think you should give yourself permission to feel depressed when you need to and I think it's great that you're seeking help for it. Have you tried therapy or support groups?

What's worked for me is doing some volunteer work unrelated to the whole TTC stuff. It's really help get me out of the house and focus on something positive.

Hope you are doing ok this evening. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, OP. It gets better - even thought that's hard to see now. Would a support group help you? One piece of advice my RE gave me that I thought was really helpful - was to avoid anything child/baby. That means, no baby showers, birthday parties, etc. Really helped me. Also, make sure you exercise...

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks. I know I'm not alone with in this struggle. I definitely need to start exercising. I'm sure that would help me. I haven't done that in a while and I'm feeling kind of bad about my weight gain, even though it's not that bad and I'm the only one who probably notices.

I have been thinking about volunteer work a lot lately. I think it would help me feel productive and helpful and like there is some greater purpose and meaning. I like that idea.

I have an amazing support group and lots of fertility friends. That has truly been a savior and helped me get this far. I also have 2 therapists!! So yes, I have a lot of support - I just still feel like a disaster most days!

I started back on the Zoloft tonight. I think it is ok to have that added boost, bc clearly I need it.

I try to avoid all things baby, but it's kind of impossible when half of my office is pregnant and that's all they talk about. I definitely avoid the showers and the birthday parties. I always spiral downward after those.

Just trying to hang in there.

I did end up going out to dinner with my husband's colleague and his wife and kid. Turns out they did tons of fertility treatments too, so it was nice having someone who understands and made me feel way better than I was feeling this afternoon.

[Anonymous]

19:21 here. Glad you are feeling better! I've been doing some volunteer work with animal rescues which I've enjoyed. It's totally unrelated to TTC and you get to spend time with cute furry animals.

[Anonymous]

OP: I am sorry you are feeling badly today. We did infertility treatments forever (9 years). It is hard to over come the depression caused by all of that. Even my friends who succeeded and had a baby told me it took 2 years to recover from the angst of infertility. That is, completely recovered and put in into the past. Please keep taking the medications and soon you will be able to get more distance on making a decision which is right for you. Be very careful at this time of year -- Fall and Spring are highly emotional times and they can make matters seem so much worse. Best of luck and {{{{hugs}}}}

[Anonymous]

So sorry, OP. I agree with the prior posters and am glad you are doing a lot of things to take care of yourself. Exercise, therapy, avoiding all things baby are all important. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I am going to chime in on exercise. I used to suffer from severe depression and exercise--slow jogging especially is SO HELPFUL. It helps get the endorphins going and worked as well or better for me than meds. And no nasty side effects!

[Anonymous]

I'm going to vote for running + yoga as a very good combination for releasing feel-good endorphins.

[Anonymous]

OP : I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm so glad that you have a support system and also that you are sharing this with others who might be going through this.

A few years back I was suffering - real bad. I had no job and all I used to do was sit at home and cry. Watch baby story on TLC and cry and cry.

I started volunteering and it really helped.
I will also second exercise - join a gym, swimming, cardio. Something that will make you so tired - work and exercise that your mind will have no time to think !

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry OP. Sending you my very best.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. I was thinking a lot about how I should volunteer. I mentioned it to my therapist, and she said while most of the time volunteering is great, sometimes it can deplete you because you have to give a lot of yourself (depending on the activity) so would not advise it until after I work on taking better care of myself first. I was a little surprised by her answer but I think it makes total sense. This is why I mention it here -- just reiterating the need for all of us struggling to conceive to focus on taking care of ourselves first.

[Anonymous]

OP.

So sorry to hear that. Its a tough tough journey. I must say, that I consider myself someone that has seen, been through a lot in life.
But nothing prepared me for the " trying to have a baby" thing.
All the best to you. The fact that you are sharing it is a good start. But take care of you.

[Anonymous]

Hey there. I'm new to the forum thing but have been ttc for over a year. We've been through surgery, every test imaginable, and months of acupuncture but nothing. I felt so weepy and alone today and it was great to read your post. I hope you're feeling better. Sending good wishes and wishes your way.

[Anonymous]

So sorry about your situation, OP. We struggled with infertility for over 10 years and finally were successful in getting pregnant. Believe me, in that time I went through bouts of depression, anger, etc. It's such a tough journey and not many people understand how difficult it is. I hope things get better for you soon. It sounds like you are doing all the right things.