How often to visit mom across country

[Anonymous]

My mom lives in Arizona. For the family to fly out there, rent a car, get pet-sitters for our dogs, the total bill came to over 2 grand. We make a nice but not crazy income, so we can afford it, but notice the hit to our account. My husband and I find it stressful and not relaxing to go out there because my mom is neurotic and drives us both crazy after a few days. Would it be bad to go there every other year and not every year? She has been coming out to see us several times a year and drives us crazy but at least we can more easily get breaks from her. I also recognize that my mom is getting older and so while she drives me bananas I do love her and recognize our time together will one day end

[Anonymous]

Could you compromise by helping to cover her travel expenses for one of her trips on an "off" year? Or co-vacationing somewhere together? My in-laws make me loony, but when we all meet up at a resort, it's nice having them available to hang in the hotel room one night while kids sleep so DH and I can go to dinner, and the rest of the time we are all busy and distracted doing vacation things rather than sitting at someone's house.

[Anonymous]

LOL- if you figure out how to get it to every other year let me know! We visit the inlaws once a yeas across country and it really isn't a vacation, but the kids enjoy it so we will continue.

[Anonymous]

visit parents in Florida once a year, they try to come here one additional time a year so everyone sees wach other at least twice. When we are there we try to do at least one night as a "mini vacation" either with the kids to Disney without the kids to St Pete or something (leaving them with the grandparents.)

[Anonymous]

I also have a difficult mom, so can sympathize. One thing to consider is that you are setting an example for your children as to how one cares for aging parents and for difficult people in general who are in our circle.

One thing we do is trade off visiting - we try to go see her 3 times a year, but we don't all go at once. My husband took DC in August and I am going by myself in October. We only stay a few days each time, so the pile up of hurt feelings, etc. is less than if we go for one long visit. Also since we don't go all at once, we don't have to pay for a pet sitter!

Good luck - it can be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Why not visit her by yourself or with just one of your children? Don't know how many you have, but perhaps one year you and oldest child, the next year, you and youngest child. Half the travel costs, no sitter fee and can be a special mom/child trip.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same. You have to at least see each other once a year in person. Are they on a strict income? And see if they can meet you somewhere, like Florida or wherever that would save some $. I'm sure flying to Florida is cheaper than flying to Arizona. Unless you plan on visiting all the Disney parks, Seaworld, etc-that can be alot of money.
Or have them come over and you take mini wkend trips without the kids.
Or try to limit eating out on vacation.
Or you just have to save the $ in advance if possible.
Find some special deals on car rentals.

[Anonymous]

The way I look at it is that yes, my parents can drive me batty, but then again I am sure I drove them just as batty when I was growing up. Call it Karma

That said, I am thankful my parents live only 400 miles away. While each trip does take a financial hit, i get down there quite a few times a year, as they cant travel anymore. I just spent total of 4 weeks with them over the summer. Before the summer, I made at least 3-5 trips down. Some were long weekends, a couple for a week. It is just something I know I need to do.

We are getting ready to bring them up for a week visit, hoping to hold off until Thanksgiving, at which point my parents are going to think about moving up here for good.

[Anonymous]

PP: Meant to add, you should at least see them once a year. not sure what I would do if that was all I was limited to.

[Anonymous]

i think once a year at minimum. she raised you and you probably annoyed her too. what would you want your kids to do when you're older?